Friday, December 21, 2012

Gerard Butler tarred and feathered by Spartan cosplayers for shitty acting choices

He should have seen this one coming, but Gerard Butler was completely aghast after a group of Spartan cosplayers tarred and feathered him after his latest romantic comedy Playing For Keeps flopped at the box office. The actor initially gained action fame for his portrayal of King Leonidas in the extremely homoerotic sword and sandals epic 300, but instead of cashing in on his genre kudos, Butler's years since have been mostly spent dishing out barely turd worthy rom-coms. Apparently his knack for lousy American accents coupled with yet another career choice failure was enough to give the army of Spartans a reason to attack.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Dan Aykroyd to Play Every Single Character in Ghostbusters 3

Since literally nobody else involved in the creative process of Ghostbusters 3 gives a shit about it ever coming to fruition, Dan Aykroyd has taken it upon himself to push the 20-years-too-late sequel on suspecting audiences everywhere by personally reprising the role of every single cast member, regardless of age, sex, or race. GPS got an exclusive look at some early production photos as Aykroyd attempts to insert his face into every possible frame.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Tom Hardy Reveals Inspiration For Bane's Voice In Dark Knight Rises Blu-ray Special Feature

The Dark Knight Rises will be fighting crime on Blu-ray today, and that means Bane's unusual vocal cadence will be thundering through your home theater systems in dolby digital surround along with it. Whether you loved it or hated it, there's no denying that director Christopher Nolan and Tom Hardy made a creative choice with Bane's voice that will be remembered for all time. Bat-fans wondering where the genesis for Hardy's linguistic symphony came from can look no further than the special features section on the disc.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Bill O'Reilly to Star in Sequel to David Fincher's The Game

Set for release sometime in 2014, the sequel to David Fincher's psychological thriller, The Game, has just found its new leading man. Bill O'Reilly, political commentator and Culture Warrior for Fox News, has signed on to the project, but with some major stipulations. O'Reilly has said on the record that he wants the ending of the film to be "...totally up to me. I call the shots, alright? I know the material. You don't."

Friday, November 2, 2012

Disney Acquires Christianity from the Vatican for Un-Godly Sum

Not happy to rest on their laurels, Disney has just acquired Christianity for $20 billion by way of the largest financial deal in modern history. The Vatican made its intellectual property available three days ago, and a fierce bidding war ensued up until the final minute. The State of Israel, headed by Prime Minister Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu, had a strong start in the negotiations, but over the last day or so bowed out due to lack of finances. It seems Disney was able to offer a larger, more immediate cash injection as its main incentive, and as a result, now owns the rights to such famous characters as Abraham, Noah, John the Baptist, and - most notably - Jesus Christ. Though the Vatican may have passed the Christian franchise on to a new generation of entertainers, they will still remain busy as majority shareholders for Romano's Macaroni Grill.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

After Realizing Left Behind is Not his Autobiography, Nicolas Cage Closes Talks to Headline Film

Over the weekend, it was reported that Nicolas Cage was in negotiations to star in the reboot of the popular Christian franchise, Left Behind. According to trusted GPS sources, those talks have since gone cold, and Cage was "totally embarrassed" when it dawned on him that the film wasn't about his own career.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sinister Success Spawns Shocking Super Stepping Sequel

It wasn't the number one film when it debuted at the box office recently, but the studio behind Sinister can still smile about its terrifyingly terrific performance. The Ethan Hawke starring horror flick hauled in over $18 million dollars against a much smaller budget, and it managed to impress critics as well as genre fans in the process. Audiences who were significantly spooked about the exploits of the demon known as Bughuul (pronounced BUH-GHOUL) can rejoice because Mr. Boogie will be back! Summit Entertainment has already been working on a sequel that promises to raise the bar and set a new standard for original horror entertainment.

Monday, October 8, 2012

In Light of Strong Box Office Showing for Sequel, Liam Neeson to Open Taken Inspired Phone Answering Service

After nearly tripling its $45 million budget, Taken 2 has inspired Liam Neeson to open his own small busines centered around the hit film series. "I don't know why," Neeson said. "But people really like hearing me tell other people that I'm going to find and kill them. Since that's the case, why not make some money on the side while doing it?"

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Terry Crews Narrowly Escapes Being Cut from The Expendables 2 after Stars Earn Stripes Debacle

Airing Mondays at 9pm on NBC, Stars Earn Stripes is a new reality TV show that features a bunch of celebrities trying to look like bad asses while actual bad asses show them how to do it. Each celebrity is paired with a military adviser, and they train as a team to win money for a charity. Terry Crews certainly fits the bad ass bill, right? I thought so, too. I was horribly, horribly mistaken.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

GPS gets TWO Liebster Awards! Many Secrets Revealed! Many Questions Answered!

Ruth from Splendid and Lovely and Adam, Mark, and Scott from 3 Guys 1 Movie rightfully decided to each have me answer 11 questions about myself and my movie-watching habits. The Liebster Award seems to be designed to give a little insight into the minds of the movie bloggers we all read every day. My mind is booby-trapped like a Mayan temple, though, so it's a good thing they asked first instead of prying. Click through to see the rules for the Liebster Award and all my dark secrets:

Monday, August 6, 2012

Green People Soup Doesn't Recall Total Recall

This is the funniest thing, but Markus and I don't remember watching Len Wiseman's Total Recall. Only vague images of explosions, jumping, and many elevators remain, but maybe we're just remembering something from a recurring dream or suffering from deja-vu. Weird right? We recollect being in the theater, and we remember driving home, but what the hell happened in-between?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Peter Jackson Responds to Slave Labor Allegations after Announcing Third Hobbit Film

Peter Jackson, the visionary director of 682 minutes-worth of The Lord of the Rings, has recently come under fire amid allegations he is using the cast of his upcoming epic, The Hobbit, as slave labor. Originally slated to be released as two films, The Hobbit is now confirmed to have been extended into a third. Authorities are keeping a close eye on production as it skirts dangerously close with violating the New Zealand Employment Relations Act 2000. Under the act, "The salary/wages for this position cover all time worked in meeting the performance requirements and the employee is not entitled to additional payment for time worked outside the normal hours specified. However, where a significant number of additional hours are worked, the employer will, if possible allow the employee to take time off in compensation for the additional hours worked."

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Kristen Stewart to Begin Scouting Locations for More Private Love Affairs

Last week, Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders, the director of Snow White and the Huntsman, were caught cheating on their significant others at a public park. Amid criticism of their decisions, the Twilight star has broken her silence and addressed the controversy. "Obviously, location is everything," a distraught Stewart said. "I can understand how everyone was let down by our choice of Pacific View Trail - right under the Hollywood sign - for our last outing, so I apologize to everyone involved. I'm getting a new DP, so don't worry. We'll be more discrete this time."

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Vigil for Aurora Shooting Victims; Memorial; and Westboro Baptist Protest

My Sunday started off pretty uneventful; I woke up, had a bagel, and watched a movie. That's how a lot of my days start. But around 5pm, I heard that Westboro Baptist Church was protesting at the scene of the Aurora theater shooting. Upon hearing that news, my plan was to go down there and give them as much shit as I possibly could. If anyone deserves it, it's those assholes. Unfortunately, by the time I got there, they had already left to go back to wherever unholy hell-spawns retreat to after showing their true, cowardly colors. This is not my point, though. What I ended up doing while I was at the prayer vigil was far more important than yelling at some ignorant pricks. Instead, I was able to document an awe-inspiring occasion; one that inspires hope, and a reassurance that the actions of one deranged individual is not indicative of society in general. At the vigil, I saw a swath of people gather with a sense of communal support, and it thankfully backs up my worldview that humanity can stand strong in the face of irrationality and chaos.

Friday, July 20, 2012

A Dark Day Rises In Colorado

There's nothing quite like the communal experience of sitting in a darkened theater with your popcorn and enjoying a summer blockbuster with several hundred strangers. When the film is great, that makes it even better. It lets us escape from our own day to day problems and live vicariously through the characters on screen. We can safely watch other people in fictitious peril and know that we'll be able to walk out of that theater free from harms way. But in Colorado last night, we learned it's not always true.

Friday, July 13, 2012

My Guest Review at Head in a Vice

If anyone's interested (and you should be, durhh), I have a review up for Wild Strawberries over at Head in a Vice. Tyson, the kind and scholarly gentleman who runs the blog, was in need of some guest reviewers for his IMDB top 250 project, and I thought it sounded like fun. He has a good head on his shoulders, and his film choices are pretty admirable: lots of horror flicks, including foreign and more independent productions. Go. Now. There won't be any Photoshopped pictures of John Travolta raping ballet dancers, but it's the next best thing. Sort of.

Here's the link to my review. If you like Ingmar Bergman, you will nod your head in approval over my unrestrained fawning. If you don't like Bergman, you will after you read my review. It's that amazing.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Ponyboy Comes Full Circle With Amazing Spider-Man

It only took three decades, but Ponyboy has finally come full circle when it comes to A-list movies. Though he started strong as one of the flying bike dudes in "E.T.", and drew rave reviews playing himself in "The Outsiders,"  he was quickly relegated to the B-list and beyond after some woeful career choices involving the donning of black face makeup and a romantic comedy with bowel cleansing yogurt spokeswoman Jamie Lee Curtis. Either one of those could have seriously killed the employment opportunities of an aspiring young actor right there, but like the pesky Wolverine he played in "Red Dawn," Ponyboy has fought through the war torn trenches of movie turd obscurity to make it back in this summer's "The Amazing Spider-Man." GPS was so completely stunned when witnessing Ponyboy's return to films that people actually watch, we had to double check to make sure it was really him.

Monday, July 2, 2012

LAPD's "Predictive Policing" Agency Hires Tom Cruise as Division Captain, Citing Prior Experience

"Predictive policing" is all the rage at the moment, and it's only going to get bigger. According to the LAPD, using computers to triangulate higher at-risk areas for crime is working great, and they're now looking to expand their futuristic endeavors. What's more, GPS has confirmed with an LAPD spokesman that Tom Cruise has been hired as their new PreCrime division captain. More on this breaking story after the jump.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

MILFcast #47: GPS Edition

The other weekend, the kind folks over at Man, I Love Films were gracious enough to invite us on the 47th edition of the MILFcast. Would you like to hear it? Of course you would. Let's see...we talk about Prometheus, play some fun games (including the one where I got gypped out of a future spot), and wonder who the hell Diane Kruger is. Enjoy.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Not to be Confused with Magic Mike, The Asylum Partners with Green People Soup to Bring You Magical Mark

It's been a busy few weeks here at Green People Soup. You might have thought it was big news when I discovered some shitty Robocop DVD covers. You'd be right, of course, but I have even bigger news in store for everyone who frequents our tiny corner of the internet. Yep, you guessed right: I'm proud to announce our new partnership with The Asylum, in which we'll be bringing you, our loving audience, quality entertainment that has nothing to do with bigger-budget films who think they're hot shit. What better way to start off this glorious contractual arrangement than with Magical Mark, an original story about a male stripper struggling to mesh his professional career and personal life? You guessed it again: There is no better way.

Friday, June 22, 2012

GPShitty DVD Covers: The Robocop Series

Well, there you have it, folks: The RoboBox. Whatever version of Robocop you own, it's not as good as that one. I mean, just look at it. It has 3 Robocop movies, and they're in a Box. The person who came up with that idea should get some kind of a medal. Maybe even a nobel prize. The funny thing about it, though, is that it's not the worst box art for Robocop. It shows mini versions of 2 of them, but to see them in their full glory, you'll have to keep reading. You have 20 seconds to comply.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Someone Who's Totally Not Me Plans to Stare at Blogger Stats Until Desired Number is Reached

As midnight fast approaches on a Tuesday night, most people are already counting sheep. Not everyone, though. On the condition he remain anonymous, one film blogger opened up about his obsession with tracking stats and how it has affected both his blogging output and number of tweets sent out per day.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

GPShitty Photoshop Jobs, Volume 1

Okay, I have nothing else of interest to say until next week, but I've been looking at my DVD collection, and something stands out. Something monstrous. Something hideous. So hideous, in fact, that I cannot look away. Yes, I'm talking about really shitty Photoshop jobs on DVD covers. Keep reading to see the horrendous, apocalypse-inducing, dehumanizing airbrushing that can only happen when someone either hates their job or gets paid to suck at it.

Friday, June 8, 2012

2012 Lammys: Some Blogger's Attempt at Humor Backfires, Ruins my Marriage

On June 7th, 2012, my marriage ended. Now, you might be wondering what I did to cause this tragic turn of events. Did I cheat? No. Was I an abusive husband? Of course not. In fact, I did nothing to contribute to my wife leaving me. The real culprit behind me having to start my life all over again came in the clever disguise of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Apparently, Dan "Fogs" Fogarty of Fogs' Movie Reviews couldn't think of a better way to advertise his site's nomination for Funniest Lamb Writer other than using ad hominem attacks on my character. The result, as I've already mentioned, spelled doom for what was once a happy home.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tim Curry to Reprise Role as Pennywise the Clown in New Star Trek

This is a strange one, folks, but it seems to be legit. Our best-paid intern has uncovered evidence that despite rumors to the contrary, Tim Curry will once again be donning his pants-shitting monster clown outfit, only this time for J.J. Abram's second Star Trek film. Combining Stephen King's It with Star Trek might seem like a bizarre combination, but the proof is in the pudding. Continue reading to find out what the cross-over will mean for both audiences and filmmakers alike.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Film Critic Watches Anchorman; Finds Ron Burgundy "Unlikeable"

It's no secret that I love Anchorman. In fact, I believe it to be one of the best comedies to come down the pipes in the last decade. However, I also know there are those out there who would scoff at my profession of love. With that Brick-like stance in mind, GPS sat down with Leonard Potemkin, noted film journalist and burgeoning auteur, on the subject of why he calls Anchorman's Ron Burgundy an "unlikeable misogynist in a bad suit."

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Prometheus Defies Expectations and Basic Math by Becoming First Film to Average Over 100% on Rotten Tomatoes

Ridley Scott's Prometheus has been on the mind of every self-respecting film buff whose head isn't made of cheese for the past few months now. It's no secret that nerd boners are at the beck-and-call of any small tidbit of information regarding the film or its production, and with that in mind, I felt a certain sense of movie blogger duty to shine some light on the sci-fi masterpiece's place in movie history. Yes, you heard me correctly. History has been forever altered as Prometheus vaults into the uncharted territory of movies rated higher than 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

First 6 Minutes of Encino Man 2 to be Shown in IMAX before The Dark Knight Rises

Since cross-promotion worked so well for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Dark Knight, movie studios have decided to give it another go with The Dark Knight Rises. Attached to every IMAX copy of the film, the first 6 minutes of Encino Man 2 will be shown in amazing, never-before-seen, digital quality. We've yet to confirm with our sources if the movie will be in 3-D or not, but studio pressure might make that decision apparent. "We have a lot of hungry eyes to feed," Buena Vista Pictures/Walt Disney Motion Pictures Group spokesperson, Todd McPherson, said. "Imagine weezin' the juice in the third dimension. Picture being able to watch the whole prom party dance in unison as Link leads the brigade - in 3-D."

Friday, May 18, 2012

Avengers Aftermath Part II: Ungrateful EPA Stabs Heart Of Stark Industries With Probing Investigation

Earth's mightiest heroes have been basking in the glory after their defeat of Loki, but trouble looms ahead for the most popular earth bound Avenger. Not satisfied enough by the fact their planet was saved from evil Asgardian enslavement, the EPA has launched an investigation into Stark Industries arc reactor technology. The government agency believes Tony Stark AKA Iron Man's clean renewable energy source might not be all it's cracked up to be, and they're now demanding access to all of his facilities on what they call a "data probing" mission. Walter Peck, lawyer for New York City's third district EPA branch, will be spearheading the investigation of Stark Industries. As of right now, Stark's plans for giving the energy source to the world for free have been suspended indefinitely pending the outcome of the probe.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Scientific Study Proves DVD Cover of Timecop is Full of Shit

We here at GPS always train our interns to sniff out factual inaccuracies in movies and marketing material, and it looks like all that hard work has paid off yet again. After perusing the DVD of Jean-Claude Van Damme's seminal time travel movie, Timecop, it became apparent that some of the claims made on the back cover were suspect. In order to get to the bottom of this development, we interviewed leading specialists in various fields. As expected, philosophers, writers, and scientists all had strong opinions when it came to the back cover of the Timecop DVD.

Monday, May 14, 2012

We've Come to Kick Lambs and Chew Bubble Gum

The Lammys are upon us all, and we here at GPS want to give you a lot of reasons to vote for us. We're eligible for several categories, including Best Blog and Best New LAMB, but the one we're really gunning for is Funniest Writer. Why should you want to see that winning banner on our site? Well, continue reading and I'll show you. I've already seen what's past the jump. It's pretty sweet.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

John Travolta Goes On Heterosexual Assault Binge to Prove He's Not Gay

It's been a busy few days for John Travolta. Already two male massage therapists have come forward with allegations of Travolta sexually assaulting and belittling them during massage sessions, and more could be on the horizon. Quick to combat any negative P.R., the known-Scientologist and pilot decided on an impromptu flight to Miami in order to prove he's not gay. The actor is quoted as saying, "You want me to prove it? Oh, man. You shouldn't have thrown that gauntlet down."

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Five Things I Can Do Better than Jackie Chan

So, I was just sitting around watching The Spy Next Door, and the thought occurred to me: "Hey, wait a minute. Why can't an international spy who's brought down dictators make breakfast without setting off a smoke detector?" That's a profound question, indeed, and it led me to my current belief that I'm well-equipped to deal with the dual existence of being a CIA operative and a father. Oh, you doubt me? Fine. I now enter into evidence the The Five Things I Can Do Better than Jackie Chan.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Avengers Aftermath Part I: God Of Thunder Set To Crush Christianity And Other Religions

It's no secret: The Avengers are here. You can see them flying around, punching things, yelling, and sweating in what almost seems like slow-motion. These facts are undeniable. However, we here at GPS have decided to take a closer look at what the emergence of these so-called superheroes means for both the Human race and planet Earth.

Our dogged determination to make sure our interns know how to research things has led us to believe there are two impacts The Avengers' appearances and subsequent actions have made: An environmental impact, and a spiritual and cultural impact. Part one will focus on the spiritual and cultural impact, and part two will examine the consequences of Stark Industries arc reactor technology.

Monday, April 23, 2012

GPS VS The Raid: Redemption

There have been rumblings in the halls of movie-geekdom lately about an Indonesian film guaranteed to pummel the privates of any action fan who would dare try and withstand its awesome might. We've heard it's the most important action film in decades, and some are calling it the "Indonesian Die Hard." Our fellow brother of the blogosphere Fogs reviewed it here and claims, "Holy Mary Mother of God!" That's a healthy heaping of hype to live up to, and quite frankly, we just don't believe it. The dynamic duo here at GPS collectively have almost sixty years of genre watching experience, and we feel there's nothing an action film can show us nowadays that we've not seen a million times before. Now we hate to brag, but allow us to show you our resumes so they can speak for themselves before we take on "The Raid: Redemption."

Friday, April 20, 2012

Sean Penn Finally Decides To Lighten Up

Though many younger movie patrons may not remember, there was a time when Sean Penn used to have fun in his movies before becoming the oh so serious thespian most know him as today. Happy days are here again for the Oscar winning actor who has recently stated in a press conference that he intends to lighten up. That's great news for fans who scantly remember his comedic turn as stoner-surfer dude Jeff Spicoli in 1982's "Fast Times At Ridgemont High." But that was almost thirty years ago. Most film-goers these days were pretty sure that they'd never see a lighthearted return to form after an extreme liberal pole became firmly lodged in his ass at some point during his career and turned him into angry Sean.

Friday, April 6, 2012

American Pie Franchise To End On Somber Note

Fans of the "American Pie" franchise are no doubt happy that the gang has returned for yet another installment of wacky shenanigans, but inquiring minds are already eager to know when they can expect another serving. "American Reunion" directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg have recently stated that there's going to be one more slice of pie to enjoy after this, but it will literally be the nail in the series coffin. "American Funeral" is in the works, and will showcase what happens after the gang all die from old age and tired cliche humor.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Hilary Swank To Portray Justin Bieber In New Biopic

It only took eighteen years plus a few pubic hairs, but the epic story of teeny-bopper singing sensation Justin Bieber is finally getting the grand Hollywood treatment. It has recently been revealed that two time Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank will portray Bieber in "Million Dollar Bieber." Swank is eager to try her luck again after her first biopic about pilot Amelia Earhart crashed and burned at the box office. Internet rumors have long suspected that Swank and Bieber are actually the same person so it's no surprise that the talented actress nabbed the much coveted role from the large pool of thespians vying for it. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Behold My (Apparently) First Review - House of the Dead

I know I've been AWOL for a while, but I just got engaged, and a couple other things have been more pressing as of late. I want to rectify that, and what with all the talk about people's first posts, I figured this would be a funny way to get back into the groove.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Walking Dead Character To Get Spin-Off Series

The season two finale for AMC's "The Walking Dead" was the most watched basic cable drama telecast in history no thanks to T-Dog. In a bold network move, the unpopular character will be getting his own spin-off show next year titled "The Inconsequential Dead." Fans of the series might be scratching their heads as to why the powers that be would choose to focus the new show around a guy who mostly stands around and only occasionally gets in on the zombie mayhem, but executives insist that this is the right move going forward. "Killing the token black guy would be a far too easy and predictable way to get rid his worthless character," said one AMC exec. "By showcasing T-Dog's unique ability to do nothing in The Inconsequential Dead, we'll most likely be able to just cancel him away after a few episodes."

Thursday, March 15, 2012

What Was Your First Blog Post?

I'm in the mood for something a little different this week, and I've decided to put my usual smart ass shenanigans aside.............for now. I'm curious to know what was the first thing you ever posted to the blogosphere? Whether it was an oh so serious critique of the latest art house film or a list of your favorite flicks starring Steve Guttenberg, you had to start somewhere. I liken my first post to the wall of shame every adult person dreads their friends and significant others seeing. You know what I'm talking about. The wall at your parents house adorned with photographic evidence of just how awkward and dorky looking you were growing up. Bad haircuts, missing teeth, and questionable fashion are front and center on the wall of shame.

Monday, March 12, 2012

John Carter: One Sentence Review

A $250 million dollar budget sure seems nice, but it would have been better spent providing starving kids with education, clothes, and rice.

250 million buys lots of rice

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

George Lucas Challenges John Carter Director To Boxing Match For Geek Franchise Supremacy

The marketing gurus at Walt Disney Pictures have really been trying to hammer home the idea that sci-fi films like "Star Wars" and "Avatar" owe a debt of gratitude to the upcoming "John Carter" for their success. Edgar Rice Burrough's classic tale of an earthling hero transported to Mars is believed to have been the well of inspiration that many genre creators have drawn upon for their ideas. IGN contributor Jesse Scheedeen has even stated in a recent online article that, "Without John Carter There Would Be No Star Wars." A bold statement that doesn't sit well with Mr. George Lucas, and now the bearded one is literally ready to put up his dukes and defend the universe he's created. Lucas has openly challenged John Carter director Andrew Stanton to a boxing match that will settle the score and determine which geek franchise reigns supreme.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Angelina Jolie's Leg Expected To Be Most Popular Halloween Costume In 2012

In the past few years, we've grown accustomed to seeing the same ole same ole when it comes to costumes. Pirates walking the plank, the undead walking the earth, and vampires that glitter in the daylight have been walking the streets on All Hallow's Eve. Thanks to Angelina Jolie, there will apparently be more posing going on than walking when it's time for trick or treat this year. She's got leg, and she knows how to use it. After strutting her stuff at the Academy Awards, Jolie's leg has become the most popular human appendage in history. Now Halloween aficionados everywhere are clamoring to be the first one at the party to show up as Angelina's leg, but costume stores are struggling to meet the recent high demand for her extremely erotic extension.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Study: Internet Overwhelmingly Approves Of Oscars Telecast

***(Special guest post from Some Guy Daily News)***

INTERNET-As per usual with any widely televised awards show, last night's Oscar telecast was a smashing success according to Twitter and Facebook users. While it's hard to imagine the marathon of egregious backslapping and self-fellatio being met with any sort of disdain, the Internet again served as a beacon of positivity when it comes to not-at-all vapid and totally meaningful awards ceremonies. Host Billy Crystal was universally hailed as original and hilarious, making jokes about J. Edgar Hoover and prescription drugs that increase urinary flow.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

College Professor Claims "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" Historically Inaccurate

February has been relatively good to the 16th President of the United States of America. This month has celebrated his 203rd birthday, and the teaser trailer for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" has been enthusiastically received by film geeks. But not all is well for the tall bearded one's legacy. Recent claims of factual inaccuracy have been leveled at the new film by a history teacher at San Dimas University. Professor Ted Theodore Logan has recently been criticizing the new movie with remarks like, "this Abraham Lincoln vampire stuff is just totally BOGUS!" GPS traveled to the campus in California to learn how the filmmakers aren't being so honest about Abe.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Monday, February 6, 2012

Finder Of Found Footage Goes Missing While Finding Latest Found Film

With found footage documentaries like "Paranormal Activity" and the more recent "Chronicle" becoming huge box office draws, you might ask yourself, "who finds this footage anyways?" Enter Mr. Bart Berglebeard. A self proclaimed "expert finder" of found footage, and adventurer responsible for finding the film left behind by ill-fated documentary productions. Berglebeard's famous treasures have included the aforementioned titles as well as some other notable gems like "The Blair Witch Project" and "Cloverfield." He usually has a knack for being in the right place at the right time and coming away with valuable film stock that often sheds light on how the people pictured in the films perish. But Berglebeard's good fortune may have finally run out. He has been reported missing by his wife Betty after failing to check in for several days while hunting for his latest found footage in the small town of Beersheeba Springs Tennessee. Mrs. Berglebeard was kind enough to spend some time with GPS in the hopes that telling their story may help find the finder of found film and bring him home.