As midnight fast approaches on a Tuesday night, most people are already counting sheep. Not everyone, though. On the condition he remain anonymous, one film blogger opened up about his obsession with tracking stats and how it has affected both his blogging output and number of tweets sent out per day.
"Well," the guy with OCD said. "I can't tell you how many times I've tried to sit down and finish an article I started days earlier, only to have the whole thing devolve into seeing how many people from Switzerland are looking at my blog right now, this very instant. Actually, I can tell you. 276 times in the past month, not counting weekends."
That's obviously a conundrum, but to make matters worse, his Twitter account also suffers. "Sometimes, my feed will lay barren for a whole 2 hours! I mean, of course I have to keep hitting F5. How else will I know if any new comments were added to my articles since the last time I blinked?"
The page in question.
Our least-respected intern was brought in to get a few more quotes from this guy, since he was boring me to tears. Among the tidbits of information regarding his Buddhist-monk-like concentration on watching a counter slowly tick upward, we were able to learn "...how much [his] lower back and shoulders start to hurt after around 2am." Should he take a break and maybe go for a walk? "Um, no. If I did that, I wouldn't know if the 2 people checking out my blog for 'guy passed out hilarious' is an accurate number, or if those 2 people were there half-an-hour ago. It would be ridiculous, and I wouldn't be able to function."
For a brief moment, the anonymous blogger can't tell whether or not his article on Chewetel Ejiofor is getting any play. It's a tense moment, to be sure.
Time will only tell if this manic blogger will be able to keep his condition under control, but regardless of the outcome of the next year of his life, we here at GPS wish him nothing but the best. Here's to him not developing carpal tunnel until he at least hits 50.
You can do it, anonymous random blogger! I believe in you.
ReplyDeleteI rely on the strength of others like yourself.
DeleteI mean the anonymous blogger does.
Delete"Least Respected Intern" implies you have interns you respect. LOL. Cmon now!
ReplyDeleteI think if other blogs attracted the kind of search engine queries that you guys do, we'd all get fixated on them too! :D
I try to make them all think they're not respected. It makes them work harder some days. Other days, they just cry. I don't know why.
DeleteSomething tells me being a GPS intern is not a fun job
ReplyDeleteIt's great! You should apply! They all love it here!
Deletewho would ever check their blog stats? ;-)
ReplyDeleteBecause they're there...staring at me...judging me...
DeleteI never ever ever look to see if we're getting close to 100k hits.....we're almost there by the way.
DeleteOnly 1,737 more to go. Or something.
DeleteI also voted in your poll could I also get more celery and carrots with my wings, as well as more beer?
ReplyDeleteWe're all out of celery. We didn't expect such a rush.
Delete...let me guess...it is a 12 month unpaid internship without expenses! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're reading more into the fine print of it all. You should really just pay attention to the part about interviewing celebrities.
Delete