Bill O'Reilly to Star in Sequel to David Fincher's The Game

Set for release sometime in 2014, the sequel to David Fincher's psychological thriller, The Game, has just found its new leading man. Bill O'Reilly, political commentator and Culture Warrior for Fox News, has signed on to the project, but with some major stipulations. O'Reilly has said on the record that he wants the ending of the film to be "...totally up to me. I call the shots, alright? I know the material. You don't."

After Realizing Left Behind is Not his Autobiography, Nicolas Cage Closes Talks to Headline Film

Over the weekend, it was reported that Nicolas Cage was in negotiations to star in the reboot of the popular Christian franchise, Left Behind. According to trusted GPS sources, those talks have since gone cold, and Cage was "totally embarrassed" when it dawned on him that the film wasn't about his own career.

In Light of Strong Box Office Showing for Sequel, Liam Neeson to Open Taken Inspired Phone Answering Service

After nearly tripling its $45 million budget, Taken 2 has inspired Liam Neeson to open his own small busines centered around the hit film series. "I don't know why," Neeson said. "But people really like hearing me tell other people that I'm going to find and kill them. Since that's the case, why not make some money on the side while doing it?"

Terry Crews Narrowly Escapes Being Cut from The Expendables 2 after Stars Earn Stripes Debacle

Airing Mondays at 9pm on NBC, Stars Earn Stripes is a new reality TV show that features a bunch of celebrities trying to look like bad asses while actual bad asses show them how to do it. Each celebrity is paired with a military adviser, and they train as a team to win money for a charity. Terry Crews certainly fits the bad ass bill, right? I thought so, too. I was horribly, horribly mistaken.

Green People Soup Doesn't Recall Total Recall

This is the funniest thing, but Markus and I don't remember watching Len Wiseman's Total Recall. Only vague images of explosions, jumping, and many elevators remain, but maybe we're just remembering something from a recurring dream or suffering from deja-vu. Weird right? We recollect being in the theater, and we remember driving home, but what the hell happened in-between?

Peter Jackson Responds to Slave Labor Allegations after Announcing Third Hobbit Film

Peter Jackson, the visionary director of 682 minutes-worth of The Lord of the Rings, has recently come under fire amid allegations he is using the cast of his upcoming epic, The Hobbit, as slave labor. Originally slated to be released as two films, The Hobbit is now confirmed to have been extended into a third. Authorities are keeping a close eye on production as it skirts dangerously close with violating the New Zealand Employment Relations Act 2000. Under the act, "The salary/wages for this position cover all time worked in meeting the performance requirements and the employee is not entitled to additional payment for time worked outside the normal hours specified. However, where a significant number of additional hours are worked, the employer will, if possible allow the employee to take time off in compensation for the additional hours worked."

Kristen Stewart to Begin Scouting Locations for More Private Love Affairs

Last week, Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders, the director of Snow White and the Huntsman, were caught cheating on their significant others at a public park. Amid criticism of their decisions, the Twilight star has broken her silence and addressed the controversy. "Obviously, location is everything," a distraught Stewart said. "I can understand how everyone was let down by our choice of Pacific View Trail - right under the Hollywood sign - for our last outing, so I apologize to everyone involved. I'm getting a new DP, so don't worry. We'll be more discrete this time."

Ponyboy Comes Full Circle With Amazing Spider-Man

It only took three decades, but Ponyboy has finally come full circle when it comes to A-list movies. Though he started strong as one of the flying bike dudes in "E.T.", and drew rave reviews playing himself in "The Outsiders,"  he was quickly relegated to the B-list and beyond after some woeful career choices involving the donning of black face makeup and a romantic comedy with bowel cleansing yogurt spokeswoman Jamie Lee Curtis. Either one of those could have seriously killed the employment opportunities of an aspiring young actor right there, but like the pesky Wolverine he played in "Red Dawn," Ponyboy has fought through the war torn trenches of movie turd obscurity to make it back in this summer's "The Amazing Spider-Man." GPS was so completely stunned when witnessing Ponyboy's return to films that people actually watch, we had to double check to make sure it was really him.

LAPD's "Predictive Policing" Agency Hires Tom Cruise as Division Captain, Citing Prior Experience

"Predictive policing" is all the rage at the moment, and it's only going to get bigger. According to the LAPD, using computers to triangulate higher at-risk areas for crime is working great, and they're now looking to expand their futuristic endeavors. What's more, GPS has confirmed with an LAPD spokesman that Tom Cruise has been hired as their new PreCrime division captain. More on this breaking story after the jump.

Not to be Confused with Magic Mike, The Asylum Partners with Green People Soup to Bring You Magical Mark

It's been a busy few weeks here at Green People Soup. You might have thought it was big news when I discovered some shitty Robocop DVD covers. You'd be right, of course, but I have even bigger news in store for everyone who frequents our tiny corner of the internet. Yep, you guessed right: I'm proud to announce our new partnership with The Asylum, in which we'll be bringing you, our loving audience, quality entertainment that has nothing to do with bigger-budget films who think they're hot shit. What better way to start off this glorious contractual arrangement than with Magical Mark, an original story about a male stripper struggling to mesh his professional career and personal life? You guessed it again: There is no better way.

Someone Who's Totally Not Me Plans to Stare at Blogger Stats Until Desired Number is Reached

As midnight fast approaches on a Tuesday night, most people are already counting sheep. Not everyone, though. On the condition he remain anonymous, one film blogger opened up about his obsession with tracking stats and how it has affected both his blogging output and number of tweets sent out per day.

2012 Lammys: Some Blogger's Attempt at Humor Backfires, Ruins my Marriage

On June 7th, 2012, my marriage ended. Now, you might be wondering what I did to cause this tragic turn of events. Did I cheat? No. Was I an abusive husband? Of course not. In fact, I did nothing to contribute to my wife leaving me. The real culprit behind me having to start my life all over again came in the clever disguise of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Apparently, Dan "Fogs" Fogarty of Fogs' Movie Reviews couldn't think of a better way to advertise his site's nomination for Funniest Lamb Writer other than using ad hominem attacks on my character. The result, as I've already mentioned, spelled doom for what was once a happy home.

Tim Curry to Reprise Role as Pennywise the Clown in New Star Trek

This is a strange one, folks, but it seems to be legit. Our best-paid intern has uncovered evidence that despite rumors to the contrary, Tim Curry will once again be donning his pants-shitting monster clown outfit, only this time for J.J. Abram's second Star Trek film. Combining Stephen King's It with Star Trek might seem like a bizarre combination, but the proof is in the pudding. Continue reading to find out what the cross-over will mean for both audiences and filmmakers alike.

Film Critic Watches Anchorman; Finds Ron Burgundy "Unlikeable"

It's no secret that I love Anchorman. In fact, I believe it to be one of the best comedies to come down the pipes in the last decade. However, I also know there are those out there who would scoff at my profession of love. With that Brick-like stance in mind, GPS sat down with Leonard Potemkin, noted film journalist and burgeoning auteur, on the subject of why he calls Anchorman's Ron Burgundy an "unlikeable misogynist in a bad suit."

Prometheus Defies Expectations and Basic Math by Becoming First Film to Average Over 100% on Rotten Tomatoes

Ridley Scott's Prometheus has been on the mind of every self-respecting film buff whose head isn't made of cheese for the past few months now. It's no secret that nerd boners are at the beck-and-call of any small tidbit of information regarding the film or its production, and with that in mind, I felt a certain sense of movie blogger duty to shine some light on the sci-fi masterpiece's place in movie history. Yes, you heard me correctly. History has been forever altered as Prometheus vaults into the uncharted territory of movies rated higher than 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.

First 6 Minutes of Encino Man 2 to be Shown in IMAX before The Dark Knight Rises

Since cross-promotion worked so well for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Dark Knight, movie studios have decided to give it another go with The Dark Knight Rises. Attached to every IMAX copy of the film, the first 6 minutes of Encino Man 2 will be shown in amazing, never-before-seen, digital quality. We've yet to confirm with our sources if the movie will be in 3-D or not, but studio pressure might make that decision apparent. "We have a lot of hungry eyes to feed," Buena Vista Pictures/Walt Disney Motion Pictures Group spokesperson, Todd McPherson, said. "Imagine weezin' the juice in the third dimension. Picture being able to watch the whole prom party dance in unison as Link leads the brigade - in 3-D."

Avengers Aftermath Part II: Ungrateful EPA Stabs Heart Of Stark Industries With Probing Investigation

Earth's mightiest heroes have been basking in the glory after their defeat of Loki, but trouble looms ahead for the most popular earth bound Avenger. Not satisfied enough by the fact their planet was saved from evil Asgardian enslavement, the EPA has launched an investigation into Stark Industries arc reactor technology. The government agency believes Tony Stark AKA Iron Man's clean renewable energy source might not be all it's cracked up to be, and they're now demanding access to all of his facilities on what they call a "data probing" mission. Walter Peck, lawyer for New York City's third district EPA branch, will be spearheading the investigation of Stark Industries. As of right now, Stark's plans for giving the energy source to the world for free have been suspended indefinitely pending the outcome of the probe.

Scientific Study Proves DVD Cover of Timecop is Full of Shit

We here at GPS always train our interns to sniff out factual inaccuracies in movies and marketing material, and it looks like all that hard work has paid off yet again. After perusing the DVD of Jean-Claude Van Damme's seminal time travel movie, Timecop, it became apparent that some of the claims made on the back cover were suspect. In order to get to the bottom of this development, we interviewed leading specialists in various fields. As expected, philosophers, writers, and scientists all had strong opinions when it came to the back cover of the Timecop DVD.

We've Come to Kick Lambs and Chew Bubble Gum

The Lammys are upon us all, and we here at GPS want to give you a lot of reasons to vote for us. We're eligible for several categories, including Best Blog and Best New LAMB, but the one we're really gunning for is Funniest Writer. Why should you want to see that winning banner on our site? Well, continue reading and I'll show you. I've already seen what's past the jump. It's pretty sweet.

John Travolta Goes On Heterosexual Assault Binge to Prove He's Not Gay

It's been a busy few days for John Travolta. Already two male massage therapists have come forward with allegations of Travolta sexually assaulting and belittling them during massage sessions, and more could be on the horizon. Quick to combat any negative P.R., the known-Scientologist and pilot decided on an impromptu flight to Miami in order to prove he's not gay. The actor is quoted as saying, "You want me to prove it? Oh, man. You shouldn't have thrown that gauntlet down."