GPS gets TWO Liebster Awards! Many Secrets Revealed! Many Questions Answered!

Ruth from Splendid and Lovely and Adam, Mark, and Scott from 3 Guys 1 Movie rightfully decided to each have me answer 11 questions about myself and my movie-watching habits. The Liebster Award seems to be designed to give a little insight into the minds of the movie bloggers we all read every day. My mind is booby-trapped like a Mayan temple, though, so it's a good thing they asked first instead of prying. Click through to see the rules for the Liebster Award and all my dark secrets:

Vigil for Aurora Shooting Victims; Memorial; and Westboro Baptist Protest

My Sunday started off pretty uneventful; I woke up, had a bagel, and watched a movie. That's how a lot of my days start. But around 5pm, I heard that Westboro Baptist Church was protesting at the scene of the Aurora theater shooting. Upon hearing that news, my plan was to go down there and give them as much shit as I possibly could. If anyone deserves it, it's those assholes. Unfortunately, by the time I got there, they had already left to go back to wherever unholy hell-spawns retreat to after showing their true, cowardly colors. This is not my point, though. What I ended up doing while I was at the prayer vigil was far more important than yelling at some ignorant pricks. Instead, I was able to document an awe-inspiring occasion; one that inspires hope, and a reassurance that the actions of one deranged individual is not indicative of society in general. At the vigil, I saw a swath of people gather with a sense of communal support, and it thankfully backs up my worldview that humanity can stand strong in the face of irrationality and chaos.

A Dark Day Rises In Colorado

There's nothing quite like the communal experience of sitting in a darkened theater with your popcorn and enjoying a summer blockbuster with several hundred strangers. When the film is great, that makes it even better. It lets us escape from our own day to day problems and live vicariously through the characters on screen. We can safely watch other people in fictitious peril and know that we'll be able to walk out of that theater free from harms way. But in Colorado last night, we learned it's not always true.

My Guest Review at Head in a Vice

If anyone's interested (and you should be, durhh), I have a review up for Wild Strawberries over at Head in a Vice. Tyson, the kind and scholarly gentleman who runs the blog, was in need of some guest reviewers for his IMDB top 250 project, and I thought it sounded like fun. He has a good head on his shoulders, and his film choices are pretty admirable: lots of horror flicks, including foreign and more independent productions. Go. Now. There won't be any Photoshopped pictures of John Travolta raping ballet dancers, but it's the next best thing. Sort of.

Here's the link to my review. If you like Ingmar Bergman, you will nod your head in approval over my unrestrained fawning. If you don't like Bergman, you will after you read my review. It's that amazing.

MILFcast #47: GPS Edition

The other weekend, the kind folks over at Man, I Love Films were gracious enough to invite us on the 47th edition of the MILFcast. Would you like to hear it? Of course you would. Let's see...we talk about Prometheus, play some fun games (including the one where I got gypped out of a future spot), and wonder who the hell Diane Kruger is. Enjoy.

GPShitty DVD Covers: The Robocop Series

Well, there you have it, folks: The RoboBox. Whatever version of Robocop you own, it's not as good as that one. I mean, just look at it. It has 3 Robocop movies, and they're in a Box. The person who came up with that idea should get some kind of a medal. Maybe even a nobel prize. The funny thing about it, though, is that it's not the worst box art for Robocop. It shows mini versions of 2 of them, but to see them in their full glory, you'll have to keep reading. You have 20 seconds to comply.

GPShitty Photoshop Jobs, Volume 1

Okay, I have nothing else of interest to say until next week, but I've been looking at my DVD collection, and something stands out. Something monstrous. Something hideous. So hideous, in fact, that I cannot look away. Yes, I'm talking about really shitty Photoshop jobs on DVD covers. Keep reading to see the horrendous, apocalypse-inducing, dehumanizing airbrushing that can only happen when someone either hates their job or gets paid to suck at it.

We've Come to Kick Lambs and Chew Bubble Gum

The Lammys are upon us all, and we here at GPS want to give you a lot of reasons to vote for us. We're eligible for several categories, including Best Blog and Best New LAMB, but the one we're really gunning for is Funniest Writer. Why should you want to see that winning banner on our site? Well, continue reading and I'll show you. I've already seen what's past the jump. It's pretty sweet.

Behold My (Apparently) First Review - House of the Dead

I know I've been AWOL for a while, but I just got engaged, and a couple other things have been more pressing as of late. I want to rectify that, and what with all the talk about people's first posts, I figured this would be a funny way to get back into the groove.

What Was Your First Blog Post?

I'm in the mood for something a little different this week, and I've decided to put my usual smart ass shenanigans aside.............for now. I'm curious to know what was the first thing you ever posted to the blogosphere? Whether it was an oh so serious critique of the latest art house film or a list of your favorite flicks starring Steve Guttenberg, you had to start somewhere. I liken my first post to the wall of shame every adult person dreads their friends and significant others seeing. You know what I'm talking about. The wall at your parents house adorned with photographic evidence of just how awkward and dorky looking you were growing up. Bad haircuts, missing teeth, and questionable fashion are front and center on the wall of shame.

GPSerious: Tebow And Divine Intervention Power Bronco's Win Streak

The so called experts seem to have no answer as to how the Denver Broncos stay victorious with a quarterback with such "limited" skills behind center, but yet the team keeps on winning in miraculous fashion. Tebow wears his religious faith on his sleeve for all to see, and at this point in their six game win streak, it's hard to argue that there isn't some sort of divine intervention taking place on the field. Tebow is one of the most polarizing figures in all of sports and........oh shit......this isn't a sports blog. Sorry about that. Let's talk about some movie quarterbacks who kick more ass than Tebow.

GPSerious: The Human Condition vs. A Human's Condition: The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser & Bad Boy Bubby

I've long been a fan of Werner Herzog's The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser. I have it on DVD, and it's part of a boxed set that I've had for years now. If you don't own the set, I recommend picking it up. Herzog is one of the most fascinating and unique directors out there. But the reason I'm talking about any of this is because I recently watched a film that brought up similar themes to Kasper Hauser. Bad Boy Bubby, a 1993 Australian film by Rolf de Heer (I've never heard of him or anything else he's done), is a depraved, twisted tale, but that depravity ultimately keeps it from bettering or even equaling what Herzog did with Kaspar Hauser.

GPSerious: So Much To Do, So Little Time

While listening to a podcast recently, I was actually quite shocked to learn that Anthony Hopkins was only on screen for about sixteen minutes during "Silence of the Lambs." It's pretty remarkable if you stop and think about it. In that span he was able to horrify audiences, create an icon, and nab an Oscar for best actor. Immediately I tried to think of other actors who stuck out in movies despite having a limited screen time.

GPSerious: Actual Twilight Cast vs. Twilight Cosplayers (Which Team Will Win?)

As I sat down to shit on the latest Twilight movie, something occurred to me. I asked myself, "Self, what's even worse than images like the one above?" To which my...self replied, "Self, someone who's not famous recreating stupid shit like the image above." And thus, this post took shape. I'm going to pit the real deal against their understudy doppelgangers and see who comes out victorious in a picture battle. What does victory mean in a bout such as this? It means regardless of who wins, neither camp can show their face in polite society again. It's a win for everyone, including me.

Happy Birthday Ennio Morricone

Happy 83 years of musical brilliance! This is his score from one of my all time favorite spaghetti westerns "Companeros" enjoy!

GPSerious: I Wish I Was Bound with Jennifer Tilly.

Remember when the Wachowskis were still awesome? Well, before The Matrix made them officially awesome, they directed a little movie called Bound. It stars Jennifer Tilly, Gina Gershon, and Joe Pantoliano, and it's a sexy noir thriller about two lesbian lovers who decide to fuck the mob out of 2 million dollars.

After 34 Minutes In, Blogger Realizes There's Still 2 Hours To Go In Transformers 3

It took about thirty four minutes. That breaks down to two thousand forty seconds. Every now and then, I'm in the mood to watch Bay porn, but the Gods of incoherent robot smashing action did not favor him on this day. After what felt like an eternity, I checked the counter to see how much longer I had to endure the antics of Sam Witwicky and his comical sidekick auto-bots. I was in shock to learn there was still two hours to go. Two hours breaks down to one hundred twenty minutes. That breaks down to seven thousand two hundred seconds. After considering masturbating with a cheese grater which is slightly amusing but basically painful, I decided to let the film run and see how much more productive I could be with those two hours.

GPSerious: They Came Back (2004)

For those of you who appreciate and laugh at my humorous articles, I do thank you. I can usually find something to laugh at with any movie, no matter how serious it takes itself. They Came Back is an exception to that rule. I find nothing remotely funny about the premise or execution of this movie, and what I'm about to write will reflect that. If you'd rather see me shit on a bad horror movie, go read this. On the other hand, if you'd like to read about why They Came Back scares me more than any film by Romero, Kubrick, or Craven ever could, then this is probably the review for you.

GPSerious: Trick Or Treat (1986)

It's that time of year folks. I keep seeing other sites listing their favorite horror films to watch as we get ever closer to Halloween, but not once did I see a recommend for the 1986 cult classic "Trick Or Treat." Just plain criminal. Please do not confuse this with the very well done but unfortunately mistitled 2007 "Trick R Treat."

GPSerious: The Films of Michael Ritchie, Rnd 1: The Golden Child

The more cultured of you out there will have to pardon my ignorance. Only after finally looking up who directed The Golden Child have my eyes been opened to a man named Michael Richie (No, not Guy Ritchie. No, not Michael Richards, either.). As soon as I saw that he directed both The Golden Child and The Bad News Bears, I was instantly compelled to throw every movie of his onto my Blockbuster queue. Yes, Blockbuster. Netflix has zero - count them - zero of the ones I wanted on Instant. Anyways, I have a plan. The plan is to go through the whole Michael Ritchie catalog. I already know The Golden Child and The Bad News Bears by heart, but there are so many more wonders I'm sure to encounter. In short: Fuck yea! Right, so here's the part where I tell you how awesome The Golden Child is, as if you didn't already know.