Last week, Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders, the director of Snow White and the Huntsman, were caught cheating on their significant others at a public park. Amid criticism of their decisions, the Twilight star has broken her silence and addressed the controversy. "Obviously, location is everything," a distraught Stewart said. "I can understand how everyone was let down by our choice of Pacific View Trail - right under the Hollywood sign - for our last outing, so I apologize to everyone involved. I'm getting a new DP, so don't worry. We'll be more discrete this time."
Besides a place where paparazzi are able to get clear shots of both offenders bending over each other, necking, and looking all erotic, there were also shots of them kissing inside of a car. Stewart admits she was foolish, saying, "I thought the windows were well-tinted. I guess I'll have to take this piece of shit back to the shop so they can fix it."
The baseball cap was a good idea for a disguise, but it's supposed to go on your head.
Stewart vows to give her mechanic hell for the defective windshields.
Among locations currently being looked at by Stewart and company is this two-bedroom house in the middle of a random suburb:
The current owners assure us that privacy is not a concern, and that the house looks just like every other one, anyways.
Also on the list of potential sex-capade getaways is this house made entirely out of drawn curtains:
According to the realtors, "Bill Cosby could be having sex with Richard Simmons inside this place, and nobody would ever know."
No word yet as to when she'll have to lose photographers in a daring high-speed chase before disappearing behind a fake concrete wall a'la Batman, but everyone here at GPS is rooting for her next project to be more successful.
I keep a special house just for affairs. Call it the loveshack
ReplyDeleteWhat's the decor? I'm picturing swinging '60s.
DeleteThat, but with the addition of lava lamps. Just because
DeleteThis never would have happened if she was dating Team Jacob! Whatever that guy's name is, Shirtless Joe, Mumbly Moe...Trevor? Trevor Jacob. She should be dating Trevor Jacob like my fanfic that I abandoned at 300,000 words said!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you quit so easily on your project. Team Trevor Jacob would just take their shirts off and see it through to the end.
DeleteLouisiana has some pretty good tax breaks for this sort of thing. She might want to consider making out there. It's probably not as discreet as some other places, but it will keep make-out costs down.
ReplyDeleteShe could make out in a bayou. Nobody but the alligators would have to know.
DeleteThe site that originally posted those pics follows her around everywhere. They have pages of her buying starbucks, picking up dry cleaning and going to the gym.
ReplyDeleteMe thinks she should sublet a double wide for her trysts.
Who wants to see her picking up dry cleaning? More importantly WHAT WAS SHE WEARING
DeleteBill Cosby & Richard Simmons......that one is going to take a while to get out of my brain! Where is Rekall when I need them?
ReplyDeletethat kind of technology doesn't yet work on EVERYthing.
Delete