Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Occupy Protesters Set Up Camp At Skywalker Ranch

The Occupy protest movement that has been making headlines all over the country has now shown up at the doorstep of Skywalker Ranch, and the political "force" is with them. George Lucas is none too happy to be dealing with the makeshift tent city he now finds on his lawn, and the bearded one is baffled as to why these rebels have targeted him where he lives. When word broke, we at GPS immediately packed our camping gear and headed to the ranch in Marin County California to be there as the story unfolded.

The protesters tent city on Skywalker Ranch lawn

The mood was generally calm when we arrived at the ranch so we took the opportunity to get in to see George in his office. He wasn't exactly happy to see us, but decided it would be in his best interest to play nice and tell us what he could about the unexpected Occupy occupation."First of all I read your Star Wars Christmas Carol piece about me and I wasn't amused," the director said irritatedly. "Now you've got precisely two minutes to go before I shove a lightsaber up your ass and the clock is ticking. I've got rebel protesters to crush so let's get to it!"

Lucas: "the clock is ticking GPS!"

We asked him if he had any theories as to why the Occupy movement was establishing their presence in his yard. "I heard some of the Wall Street occupiers were Star Wars fans. Who knows what the hell goes on in the mind of whiny Star Wars dorks. They want Han to shoot first.........they want the theatrical cuts on Blu-ray......which by the way aint happening. The Occupy movement in general seems to have no apparent agenda so who the hell knows? At least I haven't had to call the S.W.A.T. team yet." Just as our time with the director had expired and we were heading for the exit, he motioned us back. "You guys are camping out here tonight right?" We nodded in agreement. "Good deal.......sleep tight," George said with a devilish grin. We wondered what he meant by that as we went out with the other occupiers to set up camp.

After mingling for a while with some of the protest geeks, we decided to call it a night and get some shut eye. Everything was peaceful until we heard the most horrible noise in the world. It was worse than scraping nails on a chalkboard times a million.

ear drums were bursting in agony!

Lucas had apparently set up a sound system that belted out all of Jar-Jar Binks' dialogue in Episode I in a continual loop. The ear splitting THX surround immediately had protesters heading for the hills with us included.

Things were peaceful for protest geeks until.......

the empire struck back in glorious THX....

JAR-JAR surround sound

After the ranch debacle, we headed for the nearest Motel Six with our ears ringing. The rebel forces had been crushed, and the Emperor ruled the galaxy with an iron fist yet again. The Occupy movement will now have to more carefully consider where they set up shop next. Well played George!


  1. haha, nice article!

  2. @power.....appreciate that! Thanks for coming by! I shall have to be occupying Maximum Horror in the near future.

  3. Haha, hilarious post as usual! "Jar-Jar Surround Sound!"

  4. I can't hear out of my left ear anymore. I also don't know where all this blood came from.

  5. I'm having Gun-Gun nightmares. Damn you George.