Saturday, November 5, 2011

Breaking News: Shia LaBeouf Cast as John McClane Jr in A Good Day to Die Hard

As of 2:43pm MDT, it was reported that the role of John McClane Jr in the next Die Hard movie was down to four actors. However, in a totally unexpected turn of events, GPS has learned that it has been given to Shia LaBeouf, that kid who overturned his car and got stomped in the face while in a drunken stupor.

Among the actors who had to be told the bad news was Emmy-winner Aaron Paul. According to Paul, the producers of A Good Day to Die Hard can "...have fun with that. I hope you guys are ready for another Val Kilmer."

If this is what he can pull off in real life, maybe LaBeouf will make a great McClane Jr after all.

GPS sat down with the budding thespian, who has been hard at work preparing for the - as he put it - "eventuality" that he would be cast. "That's a gift and a curse," LaBeouf said. "Bruce introduced me to the world in a way. The man has been incredible to me. But the work that I've done with him, the character variation is not heavy. It's sort of all in the same vein... I've gotta anchor these movies that are in these outrageous worlds, and I have to be as tangible as possible...I have no problem with that, but I don't want to be there forever."

We've yet to figure out what he meant by Bruce Willis being great to him, since he hasn't even been on the set yet. Ego might be getting to the young actor, but when push comes to shove, he gets the job done.

No doubt LaBeouf's training regiment will include mingling with local bar patrons.

When asked to comment on LaBeouf's casting and subsequent spinning of his importance in the Die Hard franchise, Bruce Willis wasn't as impressed as he could have been. The notoriously hard-assed Willis brought LaBeouf down a notch: "That snot-nosed little shit will get a rude awakening once we get our hands on him. This won't be some sissy movie where all he does is run away from invisible green screen things. Big, bad dudes will be punching him right in his dainty little face. I'll make sure of it."

"Shia who? LaDouche? Hah, yea, right. He'll fit right in."

Not to be outdone, when LaBeouf was reached to comment on Willis' comments in regard to LaBeouf's initial comments, he said, "I think this is Bruce's opportunity to grow as an actor, and maybe even as a person. If I've learned anything in this life," the possibly-sober actor continued, "It's that working with great talent can change a person. We'll see how everything shakes out in the end."

It's yet to be seen if a friendship can be struck between the two stars.

Despite our skepticism, we'll keep our minds open and withhold judgment until the movie is released. If Bruce can punch some sense into LaBeouf, everything might just turn out better than we had thought. We've placed several bets, so far stacking two of our interns' lives against a free DVD from Dylan at Man, I Love Films. The results will be published once box office reports start rolling in. Until then, we wish everyone involved luck.


  1. Haha, hilarious and probably true! John McClane Jr.?...pretty lame name. I see not even one ounce of creativity was put into that.

  2. I would be all for that casting decision if he was killed off in a horrific manner in the first five minutes.

  3. Ty, yea. I don't know what that will mean for the movie as a whole, but...fingers crossed...

  4. Love that title - A Good Day To Die Hard! I'm not one of these people that think Shia LaBeouf is the greatest thing since...erm...sliced bread. In fact, when I add up the films he's been in - three of which form 75 percent of the worst films I've seen in the last ten years (Transformers 2, Indy 4, and that Rear Window he did), he's not on my Good List.

  5. I honestly don't have anything against Shia, but it seems like a lot of movie bloggers don't like him

  6. Dan, you'll have to convince me on that title. Boo. I'm with you on those Shia movies, though.'s because he sucks.