Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Breaking News: Lindsay Lohan Nude Photo Shoot Goes Horribly Wrong; Playboy Ditches Pictures.

When we at GPS heard the news that Lindsay Lohan was going to pose naked for Playboy, we had to reach out to the magazine giant and ask someone there if they'd actually seen Lohan in the past five years. While a rep for the magazine did eventually get back to us, they didn't seem to understand the question. "What are you talking about?" The rep asked. "The actress from Mean Girls? She's gorgeous. I'm not wasting any more time on this call."

Now it appears the photo shoot has taken place, but no one is saying anything about it. Well, Lohan's mom said it "went well," but that's her mom, so who cares. Playboy isn't commenting on the record, and neither are Lohan's people. Luckily, GPS has sneaky interns who uncovered the truth as to why everything is so hush-hush from both camps. As it turns out, Playboy had no idea Lohan had spent the past five years in a drug-induced stupor, going so far as to get charged with a DUI, and "accidentally" stealing a large, expensive necklace while probably smoking meth and yelling about how entitled she is.

The nudie mag thought they totally scored when they figured this girl was going to show up and take her clothes off for them.

When a female Skeletor arrived instead, Playboy had to think quickly.

According to our sources, Playboy went ahead with the shoot as a courtesy to Lohan, but soon afterward had to take her aside and inform her that they weren't going to be using any of the photos. She was overheard screaming about the $750,000 they promised her, and that she "knew someone" who could "fuck them up."

Lohan tried to intimidate the photographers with her "mean face."

Unfortunately for Lohan, nobody was buying her bullshit.

Sources tell us it was at that point when Lohan stormed off the set, vowing to "go elsewhere with these babies," while pointing in the general area of her chest. She then remarked that "Someone's going to have a fun time with them tonight, that's for sure. And it won't be YOU! Unless, you know...hey, I can take checks."

Lohan was last seen packing all her shit in her car and acting like a crazy bag lady.

Normally this is the part where I say we'll keep you informed as the story unfolds, but this is probably all you're going to get. That is, unless she misses another session at the morgue.


  1. she is just misunderstood, ;-) Nice post

  2. More like misunderestimated.

    Many thanks. I see you're keeping up with this debacle at your site. Kudos.

  3. Just when you think her career was completely in the crapper St. Hef extends a lifeline that is bridge financed by all the people who just can't wait to get their hands on that Playboy issue:P Boggles me to comprehend that someone in this weird blue marble would still probably do her...

  4. I totally would and am looking forward to the pics of her airbrushed body (look - no track marks!). She's still hot, even if she is a nutball criminal who can't help but fuck her life up more and more each day.

  5. Marc, I think Dylan would still do her.

  6. I'm going to admit i liked her in mean Girls...unfortunately right after she went off the deep end and still hasn't recovered yet.

    And i would also do her. Just putting that out there

  7. You'd be putting it out there in a way that will give you herpes.

    And I really like Mean Girls.

  8. I am kind of hoping she might be one of those people that need to bottom out before getting back on top, like Robert Downey Jr.

    And as for the matters of the herpes, that is why i would use a condom

  9. You know, I'm all for her figuring out her life and everything. That would be awesome. I think that bottom is getting close...

    Good call on the condom.

  10. Yep. I am sincerely hoping Dakota doesn't go down the same route. I liked her performance in the Runaways, and i would rather not get disappointed in another rising starlet

    And i'm a firm believer in safe sex. Firm and hard ;P

  11. I think Fanning is too smart for that.

    I see what you did there again.

  12. I think your right. Plus her parents don't seem to be fucking crazy

    And i was hoping you would catch the innuendo at the end :)

  13. I forgot about her insane parents. Yikes.

  14. I sincerely believe her parents are the reason why she lost it.