Saturday, October 8, 2011

Arnold Schwarzenegger Apologizes to Maria Shriver with Giant Bronze Statue of Himself.


On Saturday morning, in what some would call a misguided attempt at a romantic gesture, Arnold Schwarzenegger unveiled a gigantic bronze statue of himself right on the lawn of his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Maria Shriver. It was a media circus as the former Governor of California stood there, obviously pleased with his own ingenuity while caressing his bronze counterpart's ass.

Due to everyone in the surrounding area going absolutely apeshit, GPS wasn't able to get exclusive interviews from either party. As our clutch reporter stood across the street from Shriver's lawn, she was heard yelling, "You son of a bitch!" over and over in-between bouts of simultaneous laughter and tears.

Shriver's emotions ran the gamut early Saturday morning.

As soon as the last curse word flew from her mouth, Schwarzenegger's demeanor changed as he yelled back, "What? Don't you like it? It shows how much I want to give myself to you. No, wait! Calm down, honey. Please, for the children! Think of the children!"

A stunned Schwarzenegger fake-grinned to himself after the ordeal was over, his grandiose stunt proving fruitless.

No comments were made after the fact, and we here at GPS think it's probably best to leave well enough alone. We wish The Governator and his distraught wife all the best.


We couldn't leave well enough alone. Our crack reporter just paparazzi'd these pictures of Shriver and Schwarzenegger in the aftermath of his failed bid to care about his family:

Shriver is attempting to call her lawyer through barely-contained rage...

...while Arnold ponders where his life went so wrong.

Calls left to Schwarzenegger's voicemail asking when we're going to get a sequel to Jingle All The Way have yet to be returned.


  1. I'm not sure i i will ever have a ego big enough to make a statue of myself

  2. What would make the story really impressive would be news that Ahnuld scupted the statue himself. I'd take him back if that were true...

  3. He probably did sculpt it himself. With his bare hands and teeth.