Monday, June 6, 2011

Man Defeats Wishmaster with First Wish.

A New York-area man on Sunday beat away the advances of a centuries-old, malevolent demon, and Green People Soup was hot on the heals of the story as it broke. Antonio Rossi, a Brooklyn native, was walking home from work at around 7pm, when a shrouded figure with the "voice of Burgess Meredith" approached him, slinking out of an adjacent alleyway.

"So, yea, this crazy-lookin' guy pops out of the shadows...scared the shit outta me, you know? He asked me if he could bum a light. Sure, I thought. I got no problem helping out the homeless and all that. So I give this freak a light, and he starts going on and on about regrets and trying to get me to order him around. So I says, 'Hey, buddy, I'd love for you to just turn your happy ass around and keep walkin'.' He didn't look too happy about it, but yea, he turned and beat feet. God damn right. I was about to show him some regret."

Rossi's heroism comes in the face of reports of bizarre deaths, including one man whose face apparently imploded.

 He asked for a different look.

When reached for comment, a spokesman for the embattled Djinn said, "Both my client and I would ask that you respect his privacy in these trying times. Any further comments will come when I've had the chance to sit down and discuss the situation with him."

Any signs of being able to get in touch with the master of deception will likely prove fruitless, or at least according to Rossi.

"That fucker's probably half-way across the Atlantic by now. I hope he gets stuck in the seaweed. Hope, I said, not wish. Just...yea. I gotta mind my Ps and Qs here, you know?"

The last time a potential victim tried the same tactic, he was turned into a walk-through mosaic.

So close, yet so far.

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