Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Breakfast Club remake to actually showcase teen diversity this time

The 1985 Brat Pack classic usually conjures up fond memories for those who have seen it, but the powers that be at Universal studios don't seem to share the admiration anymore. A remake for "The Breakfast Club" has been greenlit, and movie execs are chomping at the bit to update the tale of social diversity amongst teens. True fans cry blasphemy, but the filmmakers are promising that this won't just be a quick cash grab for a creatively bankrupt Hollywood. So what will be different this time?

Director Alan Smithee believes that John Hughes really missed a golden opportunity in the original. "Hughes pitched this story about these kids in detention.....each coming from a different social status and what do we get?," a puzzled Smithee inquired. "We get a white kid, a white kid, a white kid, a white kid, and finally a white kid." The agitated Smithee seemed to wonder if John Hughes had ever even been to Illinois. "Man I lived there for a few years......let me tell ya......they got people from all wakes of life there." In a GPS exclusive, Alan presented us with a glimpse of the new and more diverse "Breakfast Club."  You'll see them as you want to see them. In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out was that each of them was..............

A brain....

And an athlete....

And a basket case.....

A princess.......

And a criminal

It certainly looks like they have the best intentions with this one, but movie audiences are a fickle lot. Will fans of the original be able to embrace these exciting new updates or does Tinseltown need to stay out of the melting pot and leave "The Breakfast Club" alone?


  1. look nowadays high school is allot different then it was even 10 years ago...now a days their are kids that are star athleats AND in the I.B program ( http://www.ibo.org/ ) you cant just classify us as a brain, a basket case, a princess and a criminal and think thoes are the social groups and we don't interact with each other ( i say us because i'm a senior) true their are people that if your not in their friend group then they wont bother with you but in that same group of people you have a mixture of backgrounds... now what i do see in my school is that each of the clubs/racial groups/ and wealth status tend to cling to that group lets say at lunch or during /after school but when it come down to it you cant just ask a random kid and ask him/her what kind of classification does your friends fit into and expect them to say "nerds..losers..band geeks" they will probaly say "well i got friends on the football team a few in ROTC some from poet club, one in psychology club a girl in chorus , some of the kids that are "criminals" ( or what ever term you want to use for that) then you might get a kid like me that gets along with so many groups of people ( but i only call 10 of them legit friends that i 100% trust it was the way i was brought up)and none of us are ashamed to say yeah we know them...Student from winterpark...email me at n_hec@yahoo.com if u wanna continue this...now i go to winterpark high school in florida from what ive seen in my soon to be 4 yrears of Highschool what i wrote is true now i cant say i'm correct about other schools across america but the that's my opinion take for what it is...

  2. @Anonymous...Satire: The use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. This is a satire website, but thank you for your passion. You also may have to spend a couple more years in high school if you can't differentiate "there" an adverb which indicates in or at a place and "their" a pronoun which is a possessive form. I wish you all the best of luck in all of your future endeavors that don't involve being "a brain"

  3. And just so everyone knows, Alan Smithee is not an actual person. It's a pseudonym for someone who doesn't want the credit for directing a crappy film.. the same as dumbass using anonymous.

  4. @Anonymous the 2nd...thank you for clearing that up.

  5. Are they really making a remake or is just a hypothetical?

  6. @anonymous.....just hypothetical, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a real one.

  7. It's almost as predictable to have an all white cast, as it is to almost-but-not-nearly shocking-anyone-anymore cast of simple reversals. Oh the jock is a girl ... the princess is black ... anyone surprised? ... Bueller?

    I mean if a remake isn't more clever than this, it's just going to be a 2 hour after school special.

  8. @Anonymous....congrats, you got the punchline!