Erectile dysfunction affects 18% of U.S. men on a yearly basis. Add one Cimmerian barbarian to the list now. Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a flaccid penis. In Conan's world of phallic imagery, bloody battles, and scantily clad ladies, a man truly lives and dies by his sword.......both of them. After one drunken evening found him desperately trying to hear the lamentations of the women without success, the savage warrior knew that it would only be a matter of time before word got out and Crom would cast him out of Valhalla for his sexual ineptitude. "How can I solve the riddle of steel when the riddle of wood is so terribly vexing?" the barbarian pondered. Thus began an epic quest to seek out a wizard who could treat his emasculating condition.
After traveling for many Hyborian moons, Conan finally found a shaman who dabbled with penile therapy. When questioned about his success rates for treating an impotent man-sword, the cranky old coot said, "I'm a wizard mind you! My place is kept by powerful spirits! The great God Viagra will be called upon to awaken Conan's slumbering giant!"
The wizard prepares to invoke the god Viagra
As the sun set, the conjurer lit a fire and chanted "SILDENAFIL CITRATE" as he circled the flames. The gods must have owed him a favor because after a sudden explosion of blue blaze and smoke, the fire died out and left a pile of crystals in the ashes which he quickly gave to the barbarian. "You must swallow one crystal thirty minutes to four hours prior to bedding a wench," the wizard advised. "But be warned not to take too much or your man-sword may resemble hard steel for many nights!"
The god Viagra making his presence known
Viagra favors Conan with an "uplifting" gift
We believe you Conan!
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HAHAH I love that first image!! really funny.
ReplyDeletePoor Conan all that masculine grunt and no get up and go!!
You do make me giggle Mark
I have a juvenile sense of humor Scott, for that I do apologize. Thanks for enjoying my jokes!
ReplyDeleteHaha, hilarious post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ty....and as always, thanks for stopping by!
ReplyDeleteNo wonder no one went to see the movie in theater! The rumor has circulated through the entire kingdom :)
ReplyDeleteYour welcome! Also: Haha, Conan is not a real man without drugs!
ReplyDeleteAnother well crafted gem fellas! "Riddle of Wood"...that's classic:)Great work!
ReplyDeleteI was watching this documentary about bogus coroners and their unreliable reports and was thinking you guys could do a clever one about the corner misdiagnosing the death of the first Witch in the Wizard of OZ:P Have a good one fellas!
@Marc.....hmmmmmmmm the satire wheels are turning.....
ReplyDeleteAhah, well now that the movie flops, I don't think anyone would want Conan to endorse their products. But yeah, that first photo is hilarious!
ReplyDelete@Ruth.....thanks Ruth. Yeah, the movie appears to be a flop. But I actually kind of want to see it. I torture myself sometimes.
ReplyDeleteJust saw Conan the other day in 2-D. It was stupid fun. It is not that torturous.
ReplyDelete@Ty.....you give me hope! It's kind of what I wanted from Conan, and I know there's not a chance in hell it could hold a candle to Ahnold's original!
ReplyDeleteUnless you’ve tried a male enhancement product, you will never know if it is effective or not when it comes to delivering results. Of course, there will always be naysayers and skeptics but at the end of the day, you alone can judge if something is worth the money or not.
ReplyDelete@TyofMaleEnhancementPills...you just might be my favorite spam commenter ever!
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