Monday, April 8, 2013

Dr. Drew Pinsky Arrested After Supervised Cold Turkey Rehab Goes Horribly Wrong

Drew Pinsky has become famous for helping people from all wakes of life deal with crippling addictions, but even the good doctor can make a mistake from time to time. In an attempt to help a young woman deal with a heroin problem, Dr. Drew decided to supervise a cold turkey weekend rehab from a cabin isolated in the woods far from civilization. Pinsky maintains that he had only the best of intentions for his patient, but by the end of the weekend, four of her friends were dead and she is shy one hand.

Dr. Drew admits that he usually doesn't recommend anyone coming off a dangerous substance cold turkey, but he had discovered some literature detailing how it could be safely done. Many critics are accusing Pinsky of using pseudoscience. "I'll admit that the science I found in the book is rather ancient and suspect, but I didn't foresee any complications," Drew said agitatedly. "I know I read the directions was I supposed to know this weekend would end up with tree rape and total body dismemberment?" Adding fuel to the fire, people were especially upset after hearing that Pinsky actually locked his patient in the cellar while he pondered what to do next.

The book Dr. Drew used to "cure" the young woman....

only ended up with her withdrawing painfully in the cellar

As to what happened to her friends, Dr. Drew was hesitant to give details. "Apparently I was dealing with a situation where there was a massive group delusion that everyone was becoming possessed," Pinsky claims. "I told the police the only way to save them was to completely dismember their bodies!" The powers-that-be did not buy his story and he is currently in jail for the alleged murder of four people. The family of the woman he was trying to help are expected to sue Dr. Drew for malpractice. It looks like Drew's career practicing medicine is over, but he'll likely remain a reality television star on court-TV.

Dr. Drew to police: "I had no choice, but to dismember"


  1. Hail to the Doctor, baby!

    I thought the drug addiction aspect of the remake was a nice touch. It would be interesting to see Deadite Mia in a rehab facility.

    1. yeah, I don't think people can take the whole stupid kids partying on the weekend premise anymore. I liked the cold turkey angle.

  2. Haha! Can totally see this happening...Dr. Drew could become the new Jason or Freddy.