Friday, January 23, 2009

I want a Swamp Thing remake dammit!

The's a popular trend in Hollywood these days. The Batman franchise got one....Superman got one...hell...even the Hulk got a new kick start only a few years removed from his first big screen outing. So why no love for my beloved Swamp Thing? Second tier heroes like Iron Man are also getting the hundred million dollar movie treatment. If Iron Man came to the bayou to fight Swamp Thing....he'd just get stuck in the mud and his balls would rust. Wolverine has a new flick soon to be slashing up movie tickets near you....and if that adamantium plated meathead tried to cut off Swamp's arm...he could just re attach it...or instantly grow a new one. He's pretty much the coolest super hero ever.....period.

For those not in the know......the Swamp Thing comic was created in 1972 by Len Wein.....and has continued off and on for several decades. At one point, writer Alan Moore (of Watchmen fame) took the reins for a spell and wrote some of my very favorite storylines for the character. The book follows Alec Holland..brilliant scientist who is transformed by his own experiments into the Swamp Thing. The series has him fighting evil and seeking to regain his human form. He doesn't have any type of special body armor. Nor does he speed around town on a nifty tricked out motorcycle. Hell...he doesn't even have a costume. He's just a big pile of living, muddy, mossy, shit. The Swamp Thing has super human strength coupled with the ability to communicate and control the world's vegetation, but the neatest thing going for him is that there are these swamp potatoes growing on his body that you can eat......and get really high. Totally organic swampy psychedelic bliss baby.

pass the potatoes please.....

Can you just imagine a new movie version of Swamp Thing made with today's special effects? He could be fighting a desperate battle against whatever evil nemesis the screenwriters throw at him...then all of the sudden it seems like he's going to lose.......he quickly shoves a power potato down the bad guy's throat and all is right in the world. No other super hero in comics or film has this ace up their sleeves! I usually favor practical FX over CG these days....but seeing a swamp trip done proper on film would justify the use of a computer.


For now, all us fans of the mean green plant machine have is a low budget effort from 1981. I think they had their hearts in the right places getting Wes Craven to direct. This was pre Elm Street, but he was fresh off the success of Last House on the Left and Hills Have Eyes so it was the right choice when considering the dark nature of the comic books. Fans of Adrienne Barbeau can rejoice. She takes center stage as a feisty action heroine sporting excellent cleavage and an 80's curly afro. Actor Louis Jourdan (he was the Bond villain in Octopussy) holds his own as the immortality seeking Dr. Arcane. Sadly, the titular character played by stuntman Dick Durrock leaves something to be desired. It's not that he does such a bad acting can just tell that he's wearing a silly rubber outfit that wrinkles every time he moves. Not a good idea for such an action heavy film. At one point during a chaotic scene, there's a hole in the suit and you can see the guy's blue jeans underneath for a second....unacceptable! When Arcane transforms into a monster in the end and the two titans's no better. I couldn't even find a picture of this terrible creature creation to post, but let's just say Arcane looks like something from a bad episode of Power Rangers. I read that they spent three million dollars on this film and you can tell it was not on the costumes.

the 1982 film poster showed promise...

Dick Durrock as Rubber Suit Thing did not....

Hollywood continues to produce new Spiderman and Fantastic Four sequels every year (same shit...different summer), but hopefully one day a major studio will get their head out of their ass and give the swamp devil his due. Swamp Thing's material is very unique and in the right hands with the right budget.....we could get one hell of a super hero romp. Hey......I can dream can't I?

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