Barry Bonds may have shamed America's favorite sport, but Captain America is threatening to disgrace the reputations of our country's naturally gifted super heroes as allegations of steroid abuse are coming to light. Former trainer of the star spangled avenger and author Mitch Frumpshank will soon be revealing the secrets to Cap's success in his new tell all book "Juicin Cap's Ass" hitting store shelves this summer. With a new bio-pic about his life hitting theaters and recent acceptance into "The Avengers" super hero club, a scathing record of his training regimen could not have come at a more inopportune time.
Frumpshank was Steve Rogers personal trainer for many years before the two had a falling out resulting in his resignation. "People were getting suspicious and I just couldn't cover for him anymore," explains Mitch. "Skinny Steve Rogers was a guy that got sand kicked in his face and never got laid......now after only a few treatments of the super soldier serum he's fucking He-Man....it's kind of hard to beef out like that without roidin up a little." The Rogers camp firmly denies any wrong doing and claims Frumpshank is simply a disgruntled former employee trying to cash in on Cap's recent wave of success. Frumpshank maintains that every accusation in "Juicin Cap's Ass" was firmly backed up with photographic evidence. GPS decided to look at the pictures and judge for ourselves.
Frumpshank on left "first we inject super serum"
"into Cap's ass"
"turning this guy"
"into this guy...in just a few hours time"
The evidence does seem to speak for itself, and apparently the government agrees. The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division or (S.H.I.E.L.D.) has launched an investigation into super hero steroid abuse and subpoenaed several crime fighters to testify in a series of hearings on the matter. One green skinned Avenger club member was none too thrilled about being forced to participate in the inquiry. "Hulk physique completely natural with just tad of gamma radiation........sometimes Hulk's tent pole no rise so good anymore but Hulk can still SMASH!" GPS tried to get more commentary from Hulk, but he was getting angry.......we didn't like him when he was angry.
HULK....green and completely natural physique
Hopefully Captain America's reputation will be able to recover from this massive strike to the PR gut. The pre-order sales for "Juicin Cap's Ass" have recently cracked the top twenty on Amazon so we know the public wants to know the truth about our country's most patriotic hero. Will Frumpshank be revealed as a fraud, or will Cap prevail for truth, justice, and the American way? Only time will tell as the details from the scandal continue to trickle out.
Juicin Cap's Ass is available for pre-order now on Amazon