Tuesday, March 6, 2012

George Lucas Challenges John Carter Director To Boxing Match For Geek Franchise Supremacy




The marketing gurus at Walt Disney Pictures have really been trying to hammer home the idea that sci-fi films like "Star Wars" and "Avatar" owe a debt of gratitude to the upcoming "John Carter" for their success. Edgar Rice Burrough's classic tale of an earthling hero transported to Mars is believed to have been the well of inspiration that many genre creators have drawn upon for their ideas. IGN contributor Jesse Scheedeen has even stated in a recent online article that, "Without John Carter There Would Be No Star Wars." A bold statement that doesn't sit well with Mr. George Lucas, and now the bearded one is literally ready to put up his dukes and defend the universe he's created. Lucas has openly challenged John Carter director Andrew Stanton to a boxing match that will settle the score and determine which geek franchise reigns supreme.


John Carter director challenged to a boxing match by Lucas

GPS sat down with George recently and the Jedi Master vehemently refused to acknowledge "John Carter" as one of the muses he used to create Star Wars. "The JC in John Carter stands for JACK CRAP because that's precisely how much I owe those books!"


Lucas: "John Carter gets JACK CRAP for gratitude"

When asked why he has challenged Stanton to a duel in the ring, Lucas was quick to retort. "The director is always the scapegoat. Besides, I wanna see if he's tough enough to shoulder the burden for a franchise like I have over the years." Stanton has yet to comment openly about the challenge, and Lucas has been unrelenting with his verbal jibes trying to get the Pixar darling to respond. "It's not just physical....it's mental too. He knows I'm already victorious no matter what. If he wins I'll just digitally alter the outcome. If he loses I still win. Go to Wal-Mart right now and yeah you can find some John Carter toys in front of the Star Wars crap, but go there six months from now and see which toys are still there! Over three decades of brand stability BEE-YOTCH! I win again! Come on Stanton....fight for your franchise!"


John Carter toys available at Wal-Mart now.....

.....but which franchise toys will be there in six months?

George insists that despite his age, he's physically ready for the challenge. "George Foreman won the boxing title at 45, so it should be a cakewalk for George Lucas at 67!"  If it happens, Lucas believes this will be a geek-tacular event for the ages. "We're calling it the UFC, or Ultimate Franchise Championship. Winner take all, but like I said earlier.......we already know the outcome!" Words of confidence from the shepherd of a billion dollar franchise. Place your bets folks!

Ultimate Franchise Championship



25 comments:

  1. My money is on Andrew Stanton...

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  2. @Tars...HMMMMM. TarsTarkas on the side of Stanton. Positively shocking!

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  3. Haha! George Lucas is ready for battle!

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  4. @Ty...He's going beyond thunderdome baby!

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  5. So Lucas hasn't removed the lightsaber from his ass ;P

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  6. I came to look at an article about George Lucas and was greeted by the beautiful Phoebe Cates undressing in the corner. [Rushes off to find his copy of Fast Times]

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    1. Dan I needed to offset the horrible image of Lucas without his shirt on.

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    2. Yea, he looked like quite the fat bastard.

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  7. I would have to go with Lucas. Working the body would have no effect and that beard would absorb any blows to the face.

    Remember when Uwe Boll did this for real, only with his critics?

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    1. @Robert...nice observation! Kind of what I was going for.

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  8. I don't know about the fight but surely, Lucas will have the bigger crowd of geek supporters... Oh wait, after all these years and the prequels, maybe not.

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    1. Yeah, I think he's burned some bridges there Castor.

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    2. Ahah yeah, I think Lucas has ticked off a lot of people with the constant re-release of those darn box sets too! Not sure about the staying power of John Carter though. I for one don't really see the appeal.

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    3. Yeah Ruth, I'd hate to see this fail for Disney considering the gargantuan sum of cash they put into it, but I think this one is going to flop.

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    4. I don't hate to see it. Don't put out crap. When you do, you somehow get low-blowed by George Lucas. That is a shame you can never live down.

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    5. it's not total crap, but rather pretty mediocre for the money they spent. Putting it out in March hurt quite a bit in my opinion

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  9. That opening image of Lucas is haunting.

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    1. yeah you can't really unsee that can you? Sorry about that Sam.

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  10. Lucas' chin(s) could take that lightweight alone!

    My money's on Akira Kurosawa.

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    1. Now there's a guy that George owes a debt of gratitude towards!

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  11. Those John Carter toys will be sitting next to the Green Lantern toys in the clearance section at Toys R US in two months. I would pay to watch a boxing match with anyone vs Lucas.

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    1. I saw John Carter this weekend. Those toys may end up in the clearance bin sooner than that!

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  12. bwahahahahahaha "If he wins I'll just digitally alter the outcome" Holy Christ is that funny!! Aces my man, simply aces. I thought a Sumo match might be more fitting concerning "the bearded one". Stanton's fit so I think he can run laps around GL, but that might be one long lap:P

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    1. Thanks Marc. Yes, if Stanton was more on the obese side then a sumo match would be more appropriate. Lucas would have to be like Rocky in his last pic and just try and throw the hurt bombs at him to end it quick.

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