He should have seen this one coming, but Gerard Butler was completely aghast after a group of Spartan cosplayers tarred and feathered him after his latest romantic comedy Playing For Keeps flopped at the box office. The actor initially gained action fame for his portrayal of King Leonidas in the extremely homoerotic sword and sandals epic 300, but instead of cashing in on his genre kudos, Butler's years since have been mostly spent dishing out barely turd worthy rom-coms. Apparently his knack for lousy American accents coupled with yet another career choice failure was enough to give the army of Spartans a reason to attack.
The assault occurred while the thespian was getting his daily dose of java at a local Starbucks. As Butler left the coffee shop preoccupied with his cell phone, the Spartans seized the moment to surprise him, drag him into the back alley, and make an example of him. "I couldn't believe this was happening to me," said an extremely dismayed Butler. "I kept telling them THIS IS BLASPHEMY....THIS IS MADNESS, but the leader simply held out a DVD of The Bounty Hunter and yelled 'THIS IS SHITTY ACTING'!"
as a distracted Butler exited Starbucks....
.....the Spartan cosplayers attacked
Butler was able to call 9-1-1 for help immediately afterwards, and he was rushed to a local hospital where the tar and feathers were painfully removed from his body. "I have fewer pubes now than I did in 300," said Butler. "But rest assured.....lesson learned....I'll be firing my agent after I leave the hospital, and my next film should be a testosterone filled, testicle exploding freak-fest with nary a shitty accent to be heard!" SPARTANS.......PREPARE FOR GLORY!