Monday, December 10, 2012

Dan Aykroyd to Play Every Single Character in Ghostbusters 3

Since literally nobody else involved in the creative process of Ghostbusters 3 gives a shit about it ever coming to fruition, Dan Aykroyd has taken it upon himself to push the 20-years-too-late sequel on suspecting audiences everywhere by personally reprising the role of every single cast member, regardless of age, sex, or race. GPS got an exclusive look at some early production photos as Aykroyd attempts to insert his face into every possible frame.

"Someone's got to get the job done," Aykroyd said while editing some footage he shot in his basement. "It doesn't matter what they look like. Despite my face, the characters will stay true to who they really are."

Aykroyd pictured left, center, and right. He's ready to believe you.

When confronted with the fact that there are women and black people in Ghostbusters, Aykroyd didn't seem phased. "It's not like I haven't donned the blackface before. Hello, Trading Places?"

Aykroyd is no stranger to playing a different race.

If any casting choice was questioned, it would be that of Dan Aykroyd playing the role of Janine Melnitz. "Eh, whatever," Aykroyd posited while testing out red hair dye in his bathroom. "Just give me a pair of gigantic, circular glasses and I'll be fine. No, just...just shut up. I know what I'm doing. Ghostbusters 3 is GOING TO HAPPEN!" Aykroyd started crying at this point, so we left him alone for a while.

Janine has seen better years.

According to Aykroyd, Ghostbusters 3 will arrive in cinemas "...whenever the time is right, or when anyone else besides me finally decides to be a decent human being."

Ghostbusters 3 is currently slated for release sometime in 2045, once everyone who doubted the project is dead and buried. Aykroyd's digital face will remain indefinitely.


  1. Excited to see his take on Winston Zeddmore...he could be better than Ernie Hudson.

    1. Whoa, now! That's a tall order.

    2. But that can never happen...Ernie Hudson rules.

    3. Totally agree. Ernie has a way better filmography than Aykroyd now.

  2. Excuse me sir, but as Dan Aykroyd this is insulting to me and my father, Dan Aykroyd. Now let us drink vodka from a crystal skull, which is totally not Dan Aykroyd in a cheap Halloween mask bought November 2nd from the Spirit Halloween store that Dan Arykroyd runs.

    Dan Aykroyd

    1. I think I've read the name Dan Aykroyd so many times in the past 2 weeks that I'm starting to see him everywhere. The Korean guy that owns the liquor store I go to a lot? Dan Aykroyd.