Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Jason Segel And Miss Piggy Sex Tape Leaks To Internet


It was always Jason Segel's dream to work with the muppets on film, but now he's apparently taken his love for the popular characters a little too far. He wrote and starred in this years reboot of "The Muppets," but the critics who gave that movie universal acclaim may not be so smitten with his unofficial sequel. A recording of the actor and comedian having sex with Miss Piggy has been leaked to the internet, and the executives at Disney are none too happy about the public relations nightmare that has ensued in the aftermath.


The sex tape known as "Porking Piggy In A Blanket" has become a viral sensation, and clearly shows Segel engaging in lascivious acts with Kermit the Frog's squeeze. Segel appears to be drinking heavily during the whole twenty nine minute video, and is often smiling  proudly at the perversion he has created. "Mental health professionals don't even have a name yet for what I'm doing," he shouts to the camera at one point. "It's muppets and fucking.........hey it's MUCKING!.....HA...HA...HA!"

Segel sucking down booze while Piggy sucks something else

Porking Piggy "the other white meat"

Segel couldn't be reached for comment, but GPS attempted to gain a little insight from his "How I Met Your Mother" co-star Neil Patrick Harris. "Dude...don't ask me about Jason.. I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and hooked up with this guy that had some some incredible X....I've been trippin balls ever since!"

NPH: "I'm trippin balls"

Even though NPH wasn't very helpful, we were fortunate enough to speak with Kermit about how he now feels about Segel, Piggy, and the sex tape debacle. "It's not easy being green, but I guess when you're a pig you're just plain easy," the disappointed frog told us. "Piggy's like the town bicycle seat and everyone gets to ride that hog now. As for Jason....fuck that guy! The brass at Disney were ready to give us two more Muppet sequels and now he's completely ruined everything. I hope he enjoys his pig-sloppy seconds!" 

Kermit: "Segel is getting pig-sloppy seconds!"

Disney executives have decided to pull "The Muppets" from theaters while they deal with the bad publicity their two stars have caused them. "Porking Piggy In A Blanket" is currently one of the most popular viral videos ever, and it's been viewed millions of times at this point. By recording himself fucking a muppet, Segel may have just fucked the future of the muppets franchise for good!


29 comments:

  1. @Dirty...porked, prodded, and probed.

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  2. Ms. Piggy blowing someone. I can't unsee that.

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  3. Well, didn't Jason Segel already had a sex tape in Forgetting Sarah Marshall?? :)

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  4. @Robert...now your journey to the dark side is complete.

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  5. @Ruth...yes but this one is much more entertaining!

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  6. What Robert said. Wow, great job with the image work here.

    What's more disturbing than the image of Piggy blowing someone is the thought that there's a hand inside her mouth...and a guy's hand, at that.

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  7. @Dylan...you just ruined my illusion of the Muppets being real you sick sick man!

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  8. So NOW I know what that would look like.

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  9. You needed to know that right away!

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  10. Fantastic stuff. Bet you had fun photoshopping those pics!

    And I love the stern-looking Kermit at the end! Haha!

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  11. @Dan...sadly I don't even own photoshop. Those were done using paint which is an excruciating process when they get as complex as porno piggy does. I need to invest in PS!

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  12. "@Dan...sadly I don't even own photoshop. Those were done using paint which is an excruciating process when they get as complex as porno piggy does. I need to invest in PS!"

    This just made me lol for many reasons.

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  13. @Robert...always happy to entertain.

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  14. No way, Markus - making something like this with Paint is way more satisfying, for both the creator and reader. Trust me, I've got mad MS Paint skillz. Also, crude Paint art is way funnier than polished Photoshop art.

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  15. @Dylan...I kind of feel the same way too, but holy shit paint is pretty damn limited as to what you can do with it. It drives me batshit insane sometimes.

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  16. You sure about that? Seen this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElrldD02if0

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  17. @Dylan...that car is pretty cool, but as far as manipulating images which is what I do mostly with it. There doesn't seem to be a lot of flexibility with what you can do.

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  18. Right. It pisses me off to no end that I can't rotate pictures outside of 90 degree increments. Ugh...

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  19. @Dylan...it totally fucking sucks! If I want to stick a stupid face (like mine) onto someone else's body I have to make sure someone else is positioned the same way as my stupid face. What a shitty life I have to go with my stupid face.

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  20. Lol of course, MS Paint is super limited. What about using something more extensive like Photoshop.

    Hilarious post though! I can see why Segel worked so hard on this movie, she was holding him by the balls!

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  21. Hilarious! Kermit does not look happy in the last pic!

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  22. @Castor...yeah I'm wanting photoshop pretty badly at this point so it will be easier for me to create muppet porn.

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  23. @Ty...thanks man. I had a hard time finding a picture of Pissed off Kermit! The frog apparently hardly ever gets mad.

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  24. Are you telling me these photos are not real??? I like the MSPaint look, makes them more ironic.

    Great work... The other white meat.... hahha

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  25. @Scott...glad you found it amusing. We often discuss if the cheesy MS paint work helps our hinders our comedic cause. I guess there's a certain charm to they shoddy photo work.

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  26. If you want to check out a REAL Miss Piggy sex tape, this audio has been making the rounds lately. Done by some comedian named C.C. Banana. Very funny, actually.

    http://splitscreenentertainment.com/?download=CCBananaSexTape.mp3

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  27. @Anonymous...I'll have to look into that.

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