Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Breaking News: Courtney Love to Star in Amy Winehouse Biopic



Fresh off of 2010's barn-burner Straight to Hell Returns (Written by a guy named Dick Rude. Seriously.), Courtney Love has been confirmed for the lead in a too-soon biopic of Amy Winehouse. According to producers, their goal is to "present Amy's story in a respectful, yet honest manner." And what says respectful more than Courtney Love?

 There's class, and then there's Courtney.


When Love isn't crashing interviews and trying her damnedest to pull a Sharon Stone a'la Basic Instinct, she's working hard on her acting chops. In fact, the studio financing the Winehouse pic said that Curtis Hanson, who's helming the project, didn't even need to give her any direction when it came to "getting into the character" of Amy Winehouse.

 Winehouse was notorious for loving the booze.

 But so is Love.

Hanson's last biopic, 8 Mile, starring the never-drunk Eminem, was critically acclaimed and commercially successful. In that light, he seems a perfect fit for the subject matter, as he should have a handle on what audiences want to see: celebrities coping with inner demons.

Inner demons are better coped with off-stage. Are those panties or a diaper?

Love knows this rule and adheres to it stringently. And those are definitely panties.

Chief among Winehouse's character traits that Love will have to master is the ability to stumble around in public when there's no good reason for it. No, movie premiers/record release parties don't make it OK. Still, that didn't stop either from pretending like they did.

Winehouse took it a step further and would do it on, say, a Thursday night outside La Parmigiana.

Ah, well, it's the thought that counts.

If the producers of the film are to be believed, everything is going "swimmingly," and it should open in theaters sometime around the next Oscar© season. Here's hoping everyone involved in the production is still around by then.






17 comments:

  1. Isn't Courtney a little too old to be playing Amy? I guess Amy did look a little worn out in the end.

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  2. Add a beehive hairdo...I could see it.

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  3. Yea, man. Courtney is ready to go. I'll try to get a hold of the wig after the fact and ebay that shit.

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  4. Would totally watch that! Good casting!

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  5. it would be a match made in heaven!!

    :-)

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  6. Agreed. Would watch it on Instant.

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  7. Wow, great find...this is a trainwreck in slow motion. She should do a better job than Eva Mendez since she's pretty much in character 24/7 and you could pay her a lot less:P

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  8. It would have worked better the other way... except Amy is dead

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  9. @Castor...so you're saying there's a chance.

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  10. Any chance you could score an interview with Love to discuss her upcoming role? It would be enchanting and enlightening, if you ask me.

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  11. I contacted her through her rep, but all she said was "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR FACE, FUCKER? HURRRRRRRRRR"

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  12. Hi Sir, I thought this was one of your satire, but it's actually real news? Well surely it won't be out of character for Courtney to play Amy, no need to stretch her acting skills, that is considering she has some.

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  13. your posts never fail to get me laughing out loud. :-)

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  14. Ruth...nope, it's satire. lol.

    threeguys...much obliged.

    Sorry for the late commenting, I've been unplugged as it were.

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  15. What a perfect choice to play Winehouse.

    You have to have balls (literally) to play a girl like Amy Winehouse...as is proven by the "is it a diaper" picture above.

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