A Dark Day Rises In Colorado

There's nothing quite like the communal experience of sitting in a darkened theater with your popcorn and enjoying a summer blockbuster with several hundred strangers. When the film is great, that makes it even better. It lets us escape from our own day to day problems and live vicariously through the characters on screen. We can safely watch other people in fictitious peril and know that we'll be able to walk out of that theater free from harms way. But in Colorado last night, we learned it's not always true.

My Guest Review at Head in a Vice

If anyone's interested (and you should be, durhh), I have a review up for Wild Strawberries over at Head in a Vice. Tyson, the kind and scholarly gentleman who runs the blog, was in need of some guest reviewers for his IMDB top 250 project, and I thought it sounded like fun. He has a good head on his shoulders, and his film choices are pretty admirable: lots of horror flicks, including foreign and more independent productions. Go. Now. There won't be any Photoshopped pictures of John Travolta raping ballet dancers, but it's the next best thing. Sort of.

Here's the link to my review. If you like Ingmar Bergman, you will nod your head in approval over my unrestrained fawning. If you don't like Bergman, you will after you read my review. It's that amazing.

Ponyboy Comes Full Circle With Amazing Spider-Man

It only took three decades, but Ponyboy has finally come full circle when it comes to A-list movies. Though he started strong as one of the flying bike dudes in "E.T.", and drew rave reviews playing himself in "The Outsiders,"  he was quickly relegated to the B-list and beyond after some woeful career choices involving the donning of black face makeup and a romantic comedy with bowel cleansing yogurt spokeswoman Jamie Lee Curtis. Either one of those could have seriously killed the employment opportunities of an aspiring young actor right there, but like the pesky Wolverine he played in "Red Dawn," Ponyboy has fought through the war torn trenches of movie turd obscurity to make it back in this summer's "The Amazing Spider-Man." GPS was so completely stunned when witnessing Ponyboy's return to films that people actually watch, we had to double check to make sure it was really him.

LAPD's "Predictive Policing" Agency Hires Tom Cruise as Division Captain, Citing Prior Experience

"Predictive policing" is all the rage at the moment, and it's only going to get bigger. According to the LAPD, using computers to triangulate higher at-risk areas for crime is working great, and they're now looking to expand their futuristic endeavors. What's more, GPS has confirmed with an LAPD spokesman that Tom Cruise has been hired as their new PreCrime division captain. More on this breaking story after the jump.

MILFcast #47: GPS Edition

The other weekend, the kind folks over at Man, I Love Films were gracious enough to invite us on the 47th edition of the MILFcast. Would you like to hear it? Of course you would. Let's see...we talk about Prometheus, play some fun games (including the one where I got gypped out of a future spot), and wonder who the hell Diane Kruger is. Enjoy.

Not to be Confused with Magic Mike, The Asylum Partners with Green People Soup to Bring You Magical Mark

It's been a busy few weeks here at Green People Soup. You might have thought it was big news when I discovered some shitty Robocop DVD covers. You'd be right, of course, but I have even bigger news in store for everyone who frequents our tiny corner of the internet. Yep, you guessed right: I'm proud to announce our new partnership with The Asylum, in which we'll be bringing you, our loving audience, quality entertainment that has nothing to do with bigger-budget films who think they're hot shit. What better way to start off this glorious contractual arrangement than with Magical Mark, an original story about a male stripper struggling to mesh his professional career and personal life? You guessed it again: There is no better way.

GPShitty DVD Covers: The Robocop Series

Well, there you have it, folks: The RoboBox. Whatever version of Robocop you own, it's not as good as that one. I mean, just look at it. It has 3 Robocop movies, and they're in a Box. The person who came up with that idea should get some kind of a medal. Maybe even a nobel prize. The funny thing about it, though, is that it's not the worst box art for Robocop. It shows mini versions of 2 of them, but to see them in their full glory, you'll have to keep reading. You have 20 seconds to comply.

Someone Who's Totally Not Me Plans to Stare at Blogger Stats Until Desired Number is Reached

As midnight fast approaches on a Tuesday night, most people are already counting sheep. Not everyone, though. On the condition he remain anonymous, one film blogger opened up about his obsession with tracking stats and how it has affected both his blogging output and number of tweets sent out per day.

GPShitty Photoshop Jobs, Volume 1

Okay, I have nothing else of interest to say until next week, but I've been looking at my DVD collection, and something stands out. Something monstrous. Something hideous. So hideous, in fact, that I cannot look away. Yes, I'm talking about really shitty Photoshop jobs on DVD covers. Keep reading to see the horrendous, apocalypse-inducing, dehumanizing airbrushing that can only happen when someone either hates their job or gets paid to suck at it.

2012 Lammys: Some Blogger's Attempt at Humor Backfires, Ruins my Marriage

On June 7th, 2012, my marriage ended. Now, you might be wondering what I did to cause this tragic turn of events. Did I cheat? No. Was I an abusive husband? Of course not. In fact, I did nothing to contribute to my wife leaving me. The real culprit behind me having to start my life all over again came in the clever disguise of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Apparently, Dan "Fogs" Fogarty of Fogs' Movie Reviews couldn't think of a better way to advertise his site's nomination for Funniest Lamb Writer other than using ad hominem attacks on my character. The result, as I've already mentioned, spelled doom for what was once a happy home.