Friday, June 21, 2013

Congress Stipulates World War Z Merely A Conflict Not A War



The zombie apocalypse may be nigh, but for now, the U.S. Congress is refusing to make an official declaration of war. A quick search using the ever reliable Wikipedia finds that Congress has not declared war since WWII. Even though a viral pandemic may reduce the world's people to mindless cannibal monsters in a matter of days, the powers that be have only labeled the situation a conflict thus far. But what does this mean for those who are engaging the undead in combat at ground zero?


For Gerry Lane, a U.N. investigator who was called out of retirement for one "last" job, the road to humanity's salvation just became mired down in bureaucratic red tape. "You just wait and see," said an agitated Lane. "When an undead Nancy Pelosi eats the majority whip's dick.......they'll change their minds about this whole "conflict" label. But my hands are tied for now, I'll just have to do my best to save my kid, estranged wife, and entire fucking planet from zombies until they decide to pull their head out of their asses!" 


Gerry Lane's pandemic curing effectiveness will be hampered by red tape....


......until zombie Pelosi eats some unfortunate whip's dick



In the meantime, what is now known as "Conflict Z" continues to cause apocalyptic hemorrhoids for the people of Earth. Hopefully Congress will rethink the label so more resources and vital funding can be allocated to those who are battling for mankind in the trenches.



11 comments:

  1. Somehow Congress is just as effective as before now that they're all zombies. Fox News pundits, however, are having their most intelligent conversations ever!

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    1. Shit, I would actually watch Fox if they were all zombies. But they have to all be wearing party hats and bibs.

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  2. The news is already full of zombies, and we are zombies for watching it and mostly believing it.

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    1. Except for FOX. They are spot on and always fair and balanced.

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  3. Govt. is faking Conflict Z just like the moon landing.

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    1. yes....everything fake except Pitt's greasy hair

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  4. Haha! That Pelosi picture is real. Not photoshopped at all.

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