Dr. Drew Pinsky Arrested After Supervised Cold Turkey Rehab Goes Horribly Wrong

Drew Pinsky has become famous for helping people from all wakes of life deal with crippling addictions, but even the good doctor can make a mistake from time to time. In an attempt to help a young woman deal with a heroin problem, Dr. Drew decided to supervise a cold turkey weekend rehab from a cabin isolated in the woods far from civilization. Pinsky maintains that he had only the best of intentions for his patient, but by the end of the weekend, four of her friends were dead and she is shy one hand.

J.J. Abrams Reveals Intentions To Take Over Every Film Franchise In The World

Even though fanboys are still catching their collective geeky breath over the news that J.J. Abrams will be directing Star Wars: Episode VII, the typically secretive filmmaker has dropped another bomb at a recent press conference where he revealed his intentions to take over every film franchise in the world. Apparently, being given the keys to two of the most popular sci-fi film licenses ever just wasn't enough for the wunderkind director. "Getting Star Wars was certainly a major coup, and I'm excited to be able to give it the flare that it deserves," said Abrams. "I just feel that unless a production is a Bad Robot production, it's simply not a worthwhile production. My intentions are to add maximum flare to every film franchise that currently exists, and Bad Robot must take over on a global scale to be able to do that! As you can see we've aggressively revamped the company logo and are ready to go so WHO'S WITH ME!?" A clearly stunned collection of journalists could only sit with their mouths agape as Abrams continued on.

Gerard Butler tarred and feathered by Spartan cosplayers for shitty acting choices

He should have seen this one coming, but Gerard Butler was completely aghast after a group of Spartan cosplayers tarred and feathered him after his latest romantic comedy Playing For Keeps flopped at the box office. The actor initially gained action fame for his portrayal of King Leonidas in the extremely homoerotic sword and sandals epic 300, but instead of cashing in on his genre kudos, Butler's years since have been mostly spent dishing out barely turd worthy rom-coms. Apparently his knack for lousy American accents coupled with yet another career choice failure was enough to give the army of Spartans a reason to attack.

Dan Aykroyd to Play Every Single Character in Ghostbusters 3

Since literally nobody else involved in the creative process of Ghostbusters 3 gives a shit about it ever coming to fruition, Dan Aykroyd has taken it upon himself to push the 20-years-too-late sequel on suspecting audiences everywhere by personally reprising the role of every single cast member, regardless of age, sex, or race. GPS got an exclusive look at some early production photos as Aykroyd attempts to insert his face into every possible frame.

Tom Hardy Reveals Inspiration For Bane's Voice In Dark Knight Rises Blu-ray Special Feature

The Dark Knight Rises will be fighting crime on Blu-ray today, and that means Bane's unusual vocal cadence will be thundering through your home theater systems in dolby digital surround along with it. Whether you loved it or hated it, there's no denying that director Christopher Nolan and Tom Hardy made a creative choice with Bane's voice that will be remembered for all time. Bat-fans wondering where the genesis for Hardy's linguistic symphony came from can look no further than the special features section on the disc.

Bill O'Reilly to Star in Sequel to David Fincher's The Game

Set for release sometime in 2014, the sequel to David Fincher's psychological thriller, The Game, has just found its new leading man. Bill O'Reilly, political commentator and Culture Warrior for Fox News, has signed on to the project, but with some major stipulations. O'Reilly has said on the record that he wants the ending of the film to be "...totally up to me. I call the shots, alright? I know the material. You don't."

Disney Acquires Christianity from the Vatican for Un-Godly Sum

Not happy to rest on their laurels, Disney has just acquired Christianity for $20 billion by way of the largest financial deal in modern history. The Vatican made its intellectual property available three days ago, and a fierce bidding war ensued up until the final minute. The State of Israel, headed by Prime Minister Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu, had a strong start in the negotiations, but over the last day or so bowed out due to lack of finances. It seems Disney was able to offer a larger, more immediate cash injection as its main incentive, and as a result, now owns the rights to such famous characters as Abraham, Noah, John the Baptist, and - most notably - Jesus Christ. Though the Vatican may have passed the Christian franchise on to a new generation of entertainers, they will still remain busy as majority shareholders for Romano's Macaroni Grill.

After Realizing Left Behind is Not his Autobiography, Nicolas Cage Closes Talks to Headline Film

Over the weekend, it was reported that Nicolas Cage was in negotiations to star in the reboot of the popular Christian franchise, Left Behind. According to trusted GPS sources, those talks have since gone cold, and Cage was "totally embarrassed" when it dawned on him that the film wasn't about his own career.

Sinister Success Spawns Shocking Super Stepping Sequel

It wasn't the number one film when it debuted at the box office recently, but the studio behind Sinister can still smile about its terrifyingly terrific performance. The Ethan Hawke starring horror flick hauled in over $18 million dollars against a much smaller budget, and it managed to impress critics as well as genre fans in the process. Audiences who were significantly spooked about the exploits of the demon known as Bughuul (pronounced BUH-GHOUL) can rejoice because Mr. Boogie will be back! Summit Entertainment has already been working on a sequel that promises to raise the bar and set a new standard for original horror entertainment.

In Light of Strong Box Office Showing for Sequel, Liam Neeson to Open Taken Inspired Phone Answering Service

After nearly tripling its $45 million budget, Taken 2 has inspired Liam Neeson to open his own small busines centered around the hit film series. "I don't know why," Neeson said. "But people really like hearing me tell other people that I'm going to find and kill them. Since that's the case, why not make some money on the side while doing it?"