Prometheus Defies Expectations and Basic Math by Becoming First Film to Average Over 100% on Rotten Tomatoes

Ridley Scott's Prometheus has been on the mind of every self-respecting film buff whose head isn't made of cheese for the past few months now. It's no secret that nerd boners are at the beck-and-call of any small tidbit of information regarding the film or its production, and with that in mind, I felt a certain sense of movie blogger duty to shine some light on the sci-fi masterpiece's place in movie history. Yes, you heard me correctly. History has been forever altered as Prometheus vaults into the uncharted territory of movies rated higher than 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.

First 6 Minutes of Encino Man 2 to be Shown in IMAX before The Dark Knight Rises

Since cross-promotion worked so well for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Dark Knight, movie studios have decided to give it another go with The Dark Knight Rises. Attached to every IMAX copy of the film, the first 6 minutes of Encino Man 2 will be shown in amazing, never-before-seen, digital quality. We've yet to confirm with our sources if the movie will be in 3-D or not, but studio pressure might make that decision apparent. "We have a lot of hungry eyes to feed," Buena Vista Pictures/Walt Disney Motion Pictures Group spokesperson, Todd McPherson, said. "Imagine weezin' the juice in the third dimension. Picture being able to watch the whole prom party dance in unison as Link leads the brigade - in 3-D."

Avengers Aftermath Part II: Ungrateful EPA Stabs Heart Of Stark Industries With Probing Investigation

Earth's mightiest heroes have been basking in the glory after their defeat of Loki, but trouble looms ahead for the most popular earth bound Avenger. Not satisfied enough by the fact their planet was saved from evil Asgardian enslavement, the EPA has launched an investigation into Stark Industries arc reactor technology. The government agency believes Tony Stark AKA Iron Man's clean renewable energy source might not be all it's cracked up to be, and they're now demanding access to all of his facilities on what they call a "data probing" mission. Walter Peck, lawyer for New York City's third district EPA branch, will be spearheading the investigation of Stark Industries. As of right now, Stark's plans for giving the energy source to the world for free have been suspended indefinitely pending the outcome of the probe.

Scientific Study Proves DVD Cover of Timecop is Full of Shit

We here at GPS always train our interns to sniff out factual inaccuracies in movies and marketing material, and it looks like all that hard work has paid off yet again. After perusing the DVD of Jean-Claude Van Damme's seminal time travel movie, Timecop, it became apparent that some of the claims made on the back cover were suspect. In order to get to the bottom of this development, we interviewed leading specialists in various fields. As expected, philosophers, writers, and scientists all had strong opinions when it came to the back cover of the Timecop DVD.

We've Come to Kick Lambs and Chew Bubble Gum

The Lammys are upon us all, and we here at GPS want to give you a lot of reasons to vote for us. We're eligible for several categories, including Best Blog and Best New LAMB, but the one we're really gunning for is Funniest Writer. Why should you want to see that winning banner on our site? Well, continue reading and I'll show you. I've already seen what's past the jump. It's pretty sweet.

John Travolta Goes On Heterosexual Assault Binge to Prove He's Not Gay

It's been a busy few days for John Travolta. Already two male massage therapists have come forward with allegations of Travolta sexually assaulting and belittling them during massage sessions, and more could be on the horizon. Quick to combat any negative P.R., the known-Scientologist and pilot decided on an impromptu flight to Miami in order to prove he's not gay. The actor is quoted as saying, "You want me to prove it? Oh, man. You shouldn't have thrown that gauntlet down."

The Five Things I Can Do Better than Jackie Chan

So, I was just sitting around watching The Spy Next Door, and the thought occurred to me: "Hey, wait a minute. Why can't an international spy who's brought down dictators make breakfast without setting off a smoke detector?" That's a profound question, indeed, and it led me to my current belief that I'm well-equipped to deal with the dual existence of being a CIA operative and a father. Oh, you doubt me? Fine. I now enter into evidence the The Five Things I Can Do Better than Jackie Chan.

The Avengers Aftermath Part I: God Of Thunder Set To Crush Christianity And Other Religions

It's no secret: The Avengers are here. You can see them flying around, punching things, yelling, and sweating in what almost seems like slow-motion. These facts are undeniable. However, we here at GPS have decided to take a closer look at what the emergence of these so-called superheroes means for both the Human race and planet Earth.

Our dogged determination to make sure our interns know how to research things has led us to believe there are two impacts The Avengers' appearances and subsequent actions have made: An environmental impact, and a spiritual and cultural impact. Part one will focus on the spiritual and cultural impact, and part two will examine the consequences of Stark Industries arc reactor technology.

GPS VS The Raid: Redemption

There have been rumblings in the halls of movie-geekdom lately about an Indonesian film guaranteed to pummel the privates of any action fan who would dare try and withstand its awesome might. We've heard it's the most important action film in decades, and some are calling it the "Indonesian Die Hard." Our fellow brother of the blogosphere Fogs reviewed it here and claims, "Holy Mary Mother of God!" That's a healthy heaping of hype to live up to, and quite frankly, we just don't believe it. The dynamic duo here at GPS collectively have almost sixty years of genre watching experience, and we feel there's nothing an action film can show us nowadays that we've not seen a million times before. Now we hate to brag, but allow us to show you our resumes so they can speak for themselves before we take on "The Raid: Redemption."

Sean Penn Finally Decides To Lighten Up

Though many younger movie patrons may not remember, there was a time when Sean Penn used to have fun in his movies before becoming the oh so serious thespian most know him as today. Happy days are here again for the Oscar winning actor who has recently stated in a press conference that he intends to lighten up. That's great news for fans who scantly remember his comedic turn as stoner-surfer dude Jeff Spicoli in 1982's "Fast Times At Ridgemont High." But that was almost thirty years ago. Most film-goers these days were pretty sure that they'd never see a lighthearted return to form after an extreme liberal pole became firmly lodged in his ass at some point during his career and turned him into angry Sean.

American Pie Franchise To End On Somber Note

Fans of the "American Pie" franchise are no doubt happy that the gang has returned for yet another installment of wacky shenanigans, but inquiring minds are already eager to know when they can expect another serving. "American Reunion" directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg have recently stated that there's going to be one more slice of pie to enjoy after this, but it will literally be the nail in the series coffin. "American Funeral" is in the works, and will showcase what happens after the gang all die from old age and tired cliche humor.

Hilary Swank To Portray Justin Bieber In New Biopic

It only took eighteen years plus a few pubic hairs, but the epic story of teeny-bopper singing sensation Justin Bieber is finally getting the grand Hollywood treatment. It has recently been revealed that two time Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank will portray Bieber in "Million Dollar Bieber." Swank is eager to try her luck again after her first biopic about pilot Amelia Earhart crashed and burned at the box office. Internet rumors have long suspected that Swank and Bieber are actually the same person so it's no surprise that the talented actress nabbed the much coveted role from the large pool of thespians vying for it. 

Behold My (Apparently) First Review - House of the Dead

I know I've been AWOL for a while, but I just got engaged, and a couple other things have been more pressing as of late. I want to rectify that, and what with all the talk about people's first posts, I figured this would be a funny way to get back into the groove.

Walking Dead Character To Get Spin-Off Series

The season two finale for AMC's "The Walking Dead" was the most watched basic cable drama telecast in history no thanks to T-Dog. In a bold network move, the unpopular character will be getting his own spin-off show next year titled "The Inconsequential Dead." Fans of the series might be scratching their heads as to why the powers that be would choose to focus the new show around a guy who mostly stands around and only occasionally gets in on the zombie mayhem, but executives insist that this is the right move going forward. "Killing the token black guy would be a far too easy and predictable way to get rid his worthless character," said one AMC exec. "By showcasing T-Dog's unique ability to do nothing in The Inconsequential Dead, we'll most likely be able to just cancel him away after a few episodes."

What Was Your First Blog Post?

I'm in the mood for something a little different this week, and I've decided to put my usual smart ass shenanigans aside.............for now. I'm curious to know what was the first thing you ever posted to the blogosphere? Whether it was an oh so serious critique of the latest art house film or a list of your favorite flicks starring Steve Guttenberg, you had to start somewhere. I liken my first post to the wall of shame every adult person dreads their friends and significant others seeing. You know what I'm talking about. The wall at your parents house adorned with photographic evidence of just how awkward and dorky looking you were growing up. Bad haircuts, missing teeth, and questionable fashion are front and center on the wall of shame.

John Carter: One Sentence Review

A $250 million dollar budget sure seems nice, but it would have been better spent providing starving kids with education, clothes, and rice.

250 million buys lots of rice

George Lucas Challenges John Carter Director To Boxing Match For Geek Franchise Supremacy

The marketing gurus at Walt Disney Pictures have really been trying to hammer home the idea that sci-fi films like "Star Wars" and "Avatar" owe a debt of gratitude to the upcoming "John Carter" for their success. Edgar Rice Burrough's classic tale of an earthling hero transported to Mars is believed to have been the well of inspiration that many genre creators have drawn upon for their ideas. IGN contributor Jesse Scheedeen has even stated in a recent online article that, "Without John Carter There Would Be No Star Wars." A bold statement that doesn't sit well with Mr. George Lucas, and now the bearded one is literally ready to put up his dukes and defend the universe he's created. Lucas has openly challenged John Carter director Andrew Stanton to a boxing match that will settle the score and determine which geek franchise reigns supreme.

Angelina Jolie's Leg Expected To Be Most Popular Halloween Costume In 2012

In the past few years, we've grown accustomed to seeing the same ole same ole when it comes to costumes. Pirates walking the plank, the undead walking the earth, and vampires that glitter in the daylight have been walking the streets on All Hallow's Eve. Thanks to Angelina Jolie, there will apparently be more posing going on than walking when it's time for trick or treat this year. She's got leg, and she knows how to use it. After strutting her stuff at the Academy Awards, Jolie's leg has become the most popular human appendage in history. Now Halloween aficionados everywhere are clamoring to be the first one at the party to show up as Angelina's leg, but costume stores are struggling to meet the recent high demand for her extremely erotic extension.

Study: Internet Overwhelmingly Approves Of Oscars Telecast

 

***(Special guest post from Some Guy Daily News)***

INTERNET-As per usual with any widely televised awards show, last night's Oscar telecast was a smashing success according to Twitter and Facebook users. While it's hard to imagine the marathon of egregious backslapping and self-fellatio being met with any sort of disdain, the Internet again served as a beacon of positivity when it comes to not-at-all vapid and totally meaningful awards ceremonies. Host Billy Crystal was universally hailed as original and hilarious, making jokes about J. Edgar Hoover and prescription drugs that increase urinary flow.

College Professor Claims "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" Historically Inaccurate

February has been relatively good to the 16th President of the United States of America. This month has celebrated his 203rd birthday, and the teaser trailer for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" has been enthusiastically received by film geeks. But not all is well for the tall bearded one's legacy. Recent claims of factual inaccuracy have been leveled at the new film by a history teacher at San Dimas University. Professor Ted Theodore Logan has recently been criticizing the new movie with remarks like, "this Abraham Lincoln vampire stuff is just totally BOGUS!" GPS traveled to the campus in California to learn how the filmmakers aren't being so honest about Abe.