Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Monday, February 6, 2012

Finder Of Found Footage Goes Missing While Finding Latest Found Film


With found footage documentaries like "Paranormal Activity" and the more recent "Chronicle" becoming huge box office draws, you might ask yourself, "who finds this footage anyways?" Enter Mr. Bart Berglebeard. A self proclaimed "expert finder" of found footage, and adventurer responsible for finding the film left behind by ill-fated documentary productions. Berglebeard's famous treasures have included the aforementioned titles as well as some other notable gems like "The Blair Witch Project" and "Cloverfield." He usually has a knack for being in the right place at the right time and coming away with valuable film stock that often sheds light on how the people pictured in the films perish. But Berglebeard's good fortune may have finally run out. He has been reported missing by his wife Betty after failing to check in for several days while hunting for his latest found footage in the small town of Beersheeba Springs Tennessee. Mrs. Berglebeard was kind enough to spend some time with GPS in the hopes that telling their story may help find the finder of found film and bring him home.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Academy Award Voter Assaulted With Hammer Then Speedily Driven To Hospital By Assailant


A member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was attacked by an intruder late last night in one of the more unusual assault cases ever reported. Oscar voter Dewey Shebag was having a drink in his Beverly Hills apartment when the assailant reportedly crashed through the door, tackled him to the floor, and severely injured his right hand by smashing it with a hammer. Then in a bizarre twist, the mysterious gate crasher drove Dewey to a nearby hospital and promptly vanished like a virgin on prom night. Police were unable to obtain many details regarding a motive for the violent encounter, but Shebag was much more forthcoming after being interrogated by the crackerjack staff at GPS.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

If He Wins an Oscar®, Terrence Malick Promises an Explanation for The Tree of Life



Terrence Malick is riding high with three - count 'em - three Academy award nominations for The Tree of Life at this year's Oscars®. That's fantastic news in-and-of-itself, but what's more is the fact that if the film wins in any category it was nominated, Malick will finally record commentary and re-release The Tree of Life on DVD and Blu-ray, adding the audio track for those who care to know what volcanic ash and DNA have in common.


Nobody Knows Who Guy Standing Next To Jennifer Lawrence Was During Early Morning Oscar Nomination Announcements


The list of nominees for the 84th Annual Academy Awards were broadcast to news stations at 5:30 in the morning by a ravishing looking Jennifer Lawrence and apparently some other guy. Lawrence has been drawing critical raves by fashionistas for her bronze mane and periwinkle bib dress, but nobody seems to know who the man standing next to her was during the big announcement. "She was beautiful before she dyed her hair, but now she's simply a goddess to behold," a flamboyantly gay critic noted. "How she looked so fabulous so early in the morning is amazing, but who was that gross old man next to her trying to steal a little of the spotlight? Sorry honey, but she was the prize that glued my eyes!" GPS decided to do a little research and uncover the identity of the mystery man.

Friday, January 20, 2012

First Image Of Live Action Beavis And Butt-head Movie Revealed


Ok so not really, but these sculptures by make up effects expert Kevin Kirkpatrick are pretty cool........and just a tad creepy.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Murder Mystery Reveals Everyone In Sweden Speaks And Writes In English


A disgraced journalist and mentally troubled computer hacker made headlines recently in Stockholm Sweden after solving a decades old murder case. After disappearing and thought to be dead for over forty years, Harriet Vanger was found alive and well, but the biggest mystery coming out of the Northern European country is why everyone there apparently speaks and writes in English. The phenomena was discovered after details of the duo's exploits were reported by news outlets around the world, and language experts are baffled as to how an entire dialect could simply vanish without a trace much like Harriet did ages ago.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Breaking News: Courtney Love to Star in Amy Winehouse Biopic



Fresh off of 2010's barn-burner Straight to Hell Returns (Written by a guy named Dick Rude. Seriously.), Courtney Love has been confirmed for the lead in a too-soon biopic of Amy Winehouse. According to producers, their goal is to "present Amy's story in a respectful, yet honest manner." And what says respectful more than Courtney Love?

 There's class, and then there's Courtney.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

George Takei Calls for "Star Peace" Between Star Trek and Star Wars Fans; Doesn't Go So Well


In an impassioned speech on YouTube, George Takei has thrown down the gauntlet. He's tired of the bickering between Trekkies and Star Wars nerds (They don't get their own, special name), and he's not shying away from calling out Carrie Fisher and The Shat himself. In the video, he says there is a bigger, more immediate foe that needs the combined efforts of both sides in order to make a difference. Watch:


That's right: Twilight.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Boy Not Enamored With "A Christmas Story" Like His Parents Are


When TBS airs 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" every year, it usually brings good tidings of comfort and joy to the Turtlewood family. It's been a yearly tradition for them to don their gay apparel, eat heartily, and watch Ralphie quest for his ultimate present at least five times before letting their son open his own. Unfortunately, young Tom doesn't share his parent's appreciation for the beloved holiday classic and hopes to start a new tradition. One that doesn't involve watching what he thinks is a shitty old movie over and over again before claiming his Christmas loot.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

GPSerious: Tebow And Divine Intervention Power Bronco's Win Streak


The so called experts seem to have no answer as to how the Denver Broncos stay victorious with a quarterback with such "limited" skills behind center, but yet the team keeps on winning in miraculous fashion. Tebow wears his religious faith on his sleeve for all to see, and at this point in their six game win streak, it's hard to argue that there isn't some sort of divine intervention taking place on the field. Tebow is one of the most polarizing figures in all of sports and........oh shit......this isn't a sports blog. Sorry about that. Let's talk about some movie quarterbacks who kick more ass than Tebow.

GPSerious: The Human Condition vs. A Human's Condition: The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser & Bad Boy Bubby



I've long been a fan of Werner Herzog's The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser. I have it on DVD, and it's part of a boxed set that I've had for years now. If you don't own the set, I recommend picking it up. Herzog is one of the most fascinating and unique directors out there. But the reason I'm talking about any of this is because I recently watched a film that brought up similar themes to Kasper Hauser. Bad Boy Bubby, a 1993 Australian film by Rolf de Heer (I've never heard of him or anything else he's done), is a depraved, twisted tale, but that depravity ultimately keeps it from bettering or even equaling what Herzog did with Kaspar Hauser.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Jason Segel And Miss Piggy Sex Tape Leaks To Internet


It was always Jason Segel's dream to work with the muppets on film, but now he's apparently taken his love for the popular characters a little too far. He wrote and starred in this years reboot of "The Muppets," but the critics who gave that movie universal acclaim may not be so smitten with his unofficial sequel. A recording of the actor and comedian having sex with Miss Piggy has been leaked to the internet, and the executives at Disney are none too happy about the public relations nightmare that has ensued in the aftermath.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Daniel Day-Lewis Takes Method Acting Too Far, Gives Speech to Commemorate Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation



Daniel Day-Lewis is set to play Abraham Lincoln in the upcoming Steven Spielberg drama, Lincoln. If you're aware of the actor's method preparation for getting into the head of his characters, it might come as no surprise that playing the 16th President of the United States has caused him to go a bit insane. Although he's a month early, Day-Lewis gave a speech earlier today to commemorate the 149th anniversary of Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation, the executive order that freed almost 4 million slaves during the Civil War.


Spurred On by Box Office Numbers, Immortal Twilight Perfume Starts Marketing Campaign



"Immortal is defined as everlasting, never to be forgotten and having perpetual life. From the eternal life of a vampire to the eternal love between soul mates, Immortal Twilight is the personification of undying romance."

Those are the words on the official Twilight Beauty website, which goes on to say how the film's "essence of breathless romance" has a quality that "only a scent can fully emulate." The PR company behind the perfume's marketing campaign has hit the ground running as news spread that Breaking Dawn surpassed $500 million in worldwide box office numbers in just 12 days. They're buying up commercial slots all over the place, and the first ad will start running over the weekend. Fortunately for all of you, GPS was allowed a sneak peak at how at least some of it will look.


GPStrode


Monday, November 28, 2011

GPShopping: BLACK FRIDAY MADNESS


Twas an hour before midnight at my local Best Buy
my belly was stuffed from too much turkey and pie
lines formed around the block, but I actually didn't care
because I knew what I wanted would surely be there

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Vin Diesel Announces Not So Fast, but Still Furious for 2013 Release



Fast Five grossed $626 million on a $125 million budget. With that in mind, it comes as no surprise that a sixth installment is already in the works, and Vin Diesel sat down with GPS to discuss the plot, characters, and release date for what's now known as Not So Fast, but Still Furious.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

GPSerious: So Much To Do, So Little Time


While listening to a podcast recently, I was actually quite shocked to learn that Anthony Hopkins was only on screen for about sixteen minutes during "Silence of the Lambs." It's pretty remarkable if you stop and think about it. In that span he was able to horrify audiences, create an icon, and nab an Oscar for best actor. Immediately I tried to think of other actors who stuck out in movies despite having a limited screen time.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Studios Finally Tell Adam Sandler NO!


Adam Sandler's latest film "Jack and Jill" is swiftly tumbling down the box office hill, and that's bad news for Happy Madison productions. The funnyman has been eager to get to work on another creation of comedic brilliance, but is having trouble finding a studio willing to distribute his next project. So far there have been zero takers for his latest script "Flippy Crapwell: Toilet Repairman," and GPS decided to find out how far the comedian's stock has fallen in Tinseltown.