GPStreetfighter: MarkusWelby VS. Terrence Malick

GPScorsese

The Help: One Sentence Review

You could let this Jim Crow era tale pass you by, but you'd miss seeing an evil character eat a slice of shit pie.

Kim Kardashian to Star in Biopic of Fat, Ugly Prostitute.

Kim Kardashian has apparently caught the acting bug. The web has been on fire ever since news spread that she'll be starring in Tyler Perry's next hilarious comedy, The Marriage Counselor. GPS was able to sit down with the star of Kim Kardashian, Superstar, the lame porno where she just sits there a lot and does nothing, in order to get a better idea of what inspired her to pursue more interesting roles.

GPSaturday: A Trip to the Movies, and A Lot of Van Dammage.

This past Saturday, Markus and I decided to take a day off from yelling at interns - this time for forgetting to order the Indiana Jones Holy Grail replica paperclip holder for our office - and go catch a flick at the dollar theater. The Elvis Cinemas chain has movies for the pretty awesome price of $2.50-3.00, so we said screw it and saw Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. What ensued afterward was a DVD store episode that had Morgan Freeman repeating the 12 steps to us in our heads while we dreamed of fighting Tong Po.

GPSerious: Trick Or Treat (1986)

It's that time of year folks. I keep seeing other sites listing their favorite horror films to watch as we get ever closer to Halloween, but not once did I see a recommend for the 1986 cult classic "Trick Or Treat." Just plain criminal. Please do not confuse this with the very well done but unfortunately mistitled 2007 "Trick R Treat."

GPSuper

Army Of The 12 Monkeys Claim Responsibility For Ohio Animal Escape

Over fifty exotic animals were shot and killed after being unleashed onto the populace of Muskingum County Ohio, and authorities are still trying to piece the details of the puzzle together in the aftermath. GPS has learned from an anonymous source that wildlife preserve owner Terry Thompson was a member of the Army of the 12 Monkeys, and was under orders from maniacal leader Jeffrey Goines to set the dangerous animals free. Goines is a well known fanatical animal rights advocate, and his 12 Monkey propaganda has been found littered throughout Thompson's home. The former mental patient and 12 Monkey chief has been inactive for over a decade now, but evidence of his re emergence is mounting. He's been seen in media photos hiding in plain sight with Muskingum County Sheriff Matt Lutz, and 12 Monkey graffiti has been sighted in multiple Ohio locations.

GPSerious: The Films of Michael Ritchie, Rnd 1: The Golden Child

The more cultured of you out there will have to pardon my ignorance. Only after finally looking up who directed The Golden Child have my eyes been opened to a man named Michael Richie (No, not Guy Ritchie. No, not Michael Richards, either.). As soon as I saw that he directed both The Golden Child and The Bad News Bears, I was instantly compelled to throw every movie of his onto my Blockbuster queue. Yes, Blockbuster. Netflix has zero - count them - zero of the ones I wanted on Instant. Anyways, I have a plan. The plan is to go through the whole Michael Ritchie catalog. I already know The Golden Child and The Bad News Bears by heart, but there are so many more wonders I'm sure to encounter. In short: Fuck yea! Right, so here's the part where I tell you how awesome The Golden Child is, as if you didn't already know.

John Gulager's Next Horror Movie Revealed: Marathon Man.

In late 2012, Dimension Films will be releasing Marathon Man, a horror movie unlike any we at GPS have ever seen before. Directed by John Gulager (Feast, Feast II: Sloppy Seconds, Feast III: The Happy Finish, Pirahna 3DD), it will tell the tale of a psychotic marathon runner who gets his rocks off by doing two things: running and killing.