Army Of The 12 Monkeys Claim Responsibility For Ohio Animal Escape

Over fifty exotic animals were shot and killed after being unleashed onto the populace of Muskingum County Ohio, and authorities are still trying to piece the details of the puzzle together in the aftermath. GPS has learned from an anonymous source that wildlife preserve owner Terry Thompson was a member of the Army of the 12 Monkeys, and was under orders from maniacal leader Jeffrey Goines to set the dangerous animals free. Goines is a well known fanatical animal rights advocate, and his 12 Monkey propaganda has been found littered throughout Thompson's home. The former mental patient and 12 Monkey chief has been inactive for over a decade now, but evidence of his re emergence is mounting. He's been seen in media photos hiding in plain sight with Muskingum County Sheriff Matt Lutz, and 12 Monkey graffiti has been sighted in multiple Ohio locations.

GPSerious: The Films of Michael Ritchie, Rnd 1: The Golden Child

The more cultured of you out there will have to pardon my ignorance. Only after finally looking up who directed The Golden Child have my eyes been opened to a man named Michael Richie (No, not Guy Ritchie. No, not Michael Richards, either.). As soon as I saw that he directed both The Golden Child and The Bad News Bears, I was instantly compelled to throw every movie of his onto my Blockbuster queue. Yes, Blockbuster. Netflix has zero - count them - zero of the ones I wanted on Instant. Anyways, I have a plan. The plan is to go through the whole Michael Ritchie catalog. I already know The Golden Child and The Bad News Bears by heart, but there are so many more wonders I'm sure to encounter. In short: Fuck yea! Right, so here's the part where I tell you how awesome The Golden Child is, as if you didn't already know.

John Gulager's Next Horror Movie Revealed: Marathon Man.

In late 2012, Dimension Films will be releasing Marathon Man, a horror movie unlike any we at GPS have ever seen before. Directed by John Gulager (Feast, Feast II: Sloppy Seconds, Feast III: The Happy Finish, Pirahna 3DD), it will tell the tale of a psychotic marathon runner who gets his rocks off by doing two things: running and killing.

GPSerious: My own collection.

Steps 11 & 12:

I pray, Morgan Freeman, that you continue to guide me and remind me to put away the stacks of like 30 movies I currently have sitting on my kitchen counter. Sorry about that. I also want everyone reading this to know that Morgan Freeman really does care about you and the horrible ways you put a movie down and forget to put it away later.

GPSerious: Are You A Movie Hoarder? GPS Is Here To Help!

I'm not quite as obsessed as I used to be, but after collecting DVDs and now Blu-rays for the past twelve years, I've amassed quite a huge stockpile of cine-wonderful entertainment. There's an unfortunate downside to being a rabid collector. On any given night, simply trying to find my copy of "The Lost Boys" was like venturing into the warehouse at the end of "Raiders." A daunting task that usually ends up with me cussing and suffering from "Two Corey" withdrawal symptoms. Oh the insanity!

Breaking News: John Carpenter is Still Alive.

I was minding my own business this morning when someone bumped into me in the street. He almost spilled my frappuccino vanilla bullshit, so I was about to punch him in his stupid face. Then I saw who's face it actually was. As it turns out, it was John Carpenter, who is still alive.

Test Screening For Live Action "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" Goes Horribly Wrong

It was all trick and no treat that's angered parents about the live action version of "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" during a recent test screening. The beloved kids classic has been changed into a horror story for contemporary audiences, but the filmmakers never tipped their hand about the tonal shift. The story of Peanut gang members Linus and Sally awaiting the arrival of the Great Pumpkin on Halloween eve remains the same, but in this version, the titular spirit will be dealing out death instead of candy. The family demographic was targeted as several hundred invitations were mailed out, but the parents and children who showed up were completely terrified about what they saw unfolding on the silver screen after the lights dimmed in the theater.

GPSerious: Birthdays - October 18th

Oh, man. I don't know who to feature this time, since three awesome people have birthdays today. Screw it, they're all getting the nod.

Most worthy for October 18th:

Jean-Claude Van Damme (51)

George C. Scott (would be 84)

Klaus Kinski (would be 85)

GPSerious: The Sexual Innuendo of Forbidden World.

I'm a fan of innuendo. Countless films use it to spice up the chemistry between leads, and when done well, it can excite you and make you want to see how a relationship pans out. And then there's Forbidden World, which was supposed to be some kind of Alien rip-off. It also uses innuendo, but it sounds more like dialogue from Forbidden World, Where People Fuck in Space. That movie has yet to be made, but I'm not beneath doing things for a paycheck. Hollywood agents, I hope you're reading.

James Wan "Really, Really Sorry" About All Those Saws.

Director James Wan may have been able to make a pretty great career for himself after helming the original Saw, but in an exclusive GPS interview, he comes to terms with the fact that he's responsible for overseeing six more iterations of the horror franchise. "I'm really, really sorry, you guys. I didn't plan ahead this far; I thought it would be a one-off deal," the horror maestro said when confronted with his own printed-out IMDB producer credits. Wan also added, "Look, if I'm going down for this, I'm not going alone. Go ask Eli Roth why he had to make Hostel, like, less than a year after I did Saw. I mean, c'mon. Talk about riding coat tails. Oh, and by the way, just because you have Edwige Fenech in your movie for ten seconds, it doesn't mean you just made a giallo. Sorry."