Ridley Scott to Release Director's Cut of Bloodrayne; Uwe Boll Loves the Free Money.

Ridley Scott, the legendary filmmaker who has given birth to such classics as Alien, Bladerunner, and Gladiator, announced today that he will be releasing a director's cut of Uwe Boll's seminal masterpiece, Bloodrayne. In a press release, Scott said, "I'll be shooting a few extra scenes with the principal cast and also cobbling together whatever crap I can from the editing room floor. It's a big floor. And messy. Shit's everywhere."

Terrence Malick Falls Asleep During Tree of Life Screening; Nobody Seems to Notice.

Terrence Malick was caught snoozing over the weekend during a special screening of  his latest film, The Tree of Life, which is about the majesty of the sun as it makes all metaphors possible and Brad Pitt wearing a fedora while beating his kids or something. GPS found the director after the event, and his explanation for his heavy eyelids isn't what you'd expect. On second thought, maybe it is.

Tom Six, Director of Human Centipede 2, Opens Up About His Shitty Ideas.

We were recently able to have a nice sit down with Tom Six, the director of the forthcoming horror film, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), in order to find out what inspired him to write such gross ass shit.

"Well," Six said, "it didn't start out as gross ass shit. The stuff I was coming up with was bizarre, but not quite at the level The Human Centipede turned out to be. I didn't really have any good ideas, to be honest. It took me around ten tries before I nailed it. But, man, all that hard work on stupid, stupid ideas really paid off."

Donnie Darko Turns Ten, People Still Don't Know What The Hell It's About

October 26th marked the ten year anniversary of Richard Kelly's bizarre cult classic "Donnie Darko." A decade later, fans and critics of the film still cannot say what the hell the movie is about. Darko is a beloved gem here at GPS, but we too are befuddled and unable to describe any sort of coherent plot summary. There's something about a guy in a creepy bunny suit, a fallen airplane engine, and Patrick Swayze is a pedophile........after that.....we're lost. GPS learned that a team of scientists at M.I.T. led by Dr. Abhay Gupta are constantly studying Darko's labyrinthine structure so that future generations can watch the film without being stupefied. We also caught up with some of the actors involved in the production and asked them to help us solve the Darko plot dilemma.

The Face of Wilford Brimley Haunts New Trailer for The Thing (2011).

Here at GPS, we were a little surprised that the usually enterprising blogosphere missed out on a massive payday when the latest trailer for The Thing hit the internet. In it, there are several scenes of human copies transforming into their true monster selves. Inexplicably, however, every single shot featured Wilford Brimley's face instead of the actual characters in the film.

Sequel to The Long Good Friday to be Released, Entitled The Short Bad Saturday.

 Well, thirty-one years later, The Long Good Friday is finally getting the sequel everyone demanded. GPS has obtained a pre-release screening copy of the film, which will be called The Short Bad Saturday when it releases in theaters next month.

Sequel to The Shining in the Works; Movie Adaptation to Shit All Over It.

Stephen King was recently seen onstage at George Mason University, where he read aloud an excerpt from his soon-to-be sequel to The Shining, entitled Doctor Sleep. Many horror buffs re...buffed the notion, citing the awesomeness of the original and the number of years that have passed since its release. Those points may be valid, but tough shit. Doctor Sleep is happening, and Danny Torrance is the main character.

The Wolfman Director's Cut: One Sentence Review

18 minutes added, but more time is required...for this piece of shit to not make me want to die in a fire.

Anne Hathaway's Catwoman Costume Made of Actual Clothing; Fans Pissed.

Over the weekend, professional super-hero costume appraisers lost their collective shit when it was found out that Catwoman's attire did, in fact, include actual, flesh-covering fibers. This news was hard to take for some, such as poster yubnubrocks, who frequents a local film site. "Did someone from the Art Institute photoshop this? Holy fuck that is fake as hell," he opined from behind his mother's Dell keyboard. Another commenter, the_credible_hulk, thinks Nolan should "Recast Hathaway with Emily Blunt and re-film all of the catwoman scenes. Maybe, just maybe, you can save your picture."

Clubber Lang to Face Involuntary Manslaughter Charges for Death of Mickey Goldmill

Rocky Balboa may yet see Micky "Mick" Goldmill's killer brought to justice. In 1982, Clubber Lang threw Goldmill into a metal railing in a fit of (possible) roid rage. Goldmill subsequently died of heart failure, but no one was ever questioned as to the nature of his death. 29 years later, the case has been re-opened by top law officials who are looking to right a "terrible, terrible injustice."