Sequel to The Shining in the Works; Movie Adaptation to Shit All Over It.

Stephen King was recently seen onstage at George Mason University, where he read aloud an excerpt from his soon-to-be sequel to The Shining, entitled Doctor Sleep. Many horror buffs re...buffed the notion, citing the awesomeness of the original and the number of years that have passed since its release. Those points may be valid, but tough shit. Doctor Sleep is happening, and Danny Torrance is the main character.

The Wolfman Director's Cut: One Sentence Review

18 minutes added, but more time is required...for this piece of shit to not make me want to die in a fire.

Anne Hathaway's Catwoman Costume Made of Actual Clothing; Fans Pissed.

Over the weekend, professional super-hero costume appraisers lost their collective shit when it was found out that Catwoman's attire did, in fact, include actual, flesh-covering fibers. This news was hard to take for some, such as poster yubnubrocks, who frequents a local film site. "Did someone from the Art Institute photoshop this? Holy fuck that is fake as hell," he opined from behind his mother's Dell keyboard. Another commenter, the_credible_hulk, thinks Nolan should "Recast Hathaway with Emily Blunt and re-film all of the catwoman scenes. Maybe, just maybe, you can save your picture."

Clubber Lang to Face Involuntary Manslaughter Charges for Death of Mickey Goldmill

Rocky Balboa may yet see Micky "Mick" Goldmill's killer brought to justice. In 1982, Clubber Lang threw Goldmill into a metal railing in a fit of (possible) roid rage. Goldmill subsequently died of heart failure, but no one was ever questioned as to the nature of his death. 29 years later, the case has been re-opened by top law officials who are looking to right a "terrible, terrible injustice."

New Avatar Theme Park to Turn Humans into Actual Na'vi.

James Cameron is on top of the world. Not only does he have the two highest-grossing films in cinema history, but he also has plans to transform our species into something more. Something better. Taller, even. And blue. That's right; Disney has secured the rights to begin building an Avatar theme park. That might sound normal enough, but I bet you didn't count on them recreating the virtual reality stations used in the movie to vicariously live as Na'vi. Have you ever wanted to run at a (probable) top speed of 50 MPH while kicking flying beasts in the face? How about jumping on top of a mech and stabbing it to death with a Bowie knife? Well, now's your chance.

Happy Birthday Scott Baio!

Not only is it Scott Baio's 51st birthday, but he's also been in the news recently for having a lot of girlfriends, to which I say: who gives a shit. I was all set to mock him for not being in anything since around the time of the silent German era, but then I remembered something awesome.

Bob Loblaw.

Again, sincere birthday wishes from everyone at GPS. 

Meet Don Logan.

I'll make this short and sweet, because I don't think I need a lot of evidence to convince people to see this movie. I'm sure everyone knows or has known someone who grates on every last nerve; the kind of person that causes groans and eye-rolls the instant they enter a room. You know that as soon as they see you, you're either going to have to bat away a verbal barrage or run the hell away as fast as possible. It's even worse when their only motivation is to get you to do something. You say no, but they don't care. Half-an-hour later, you're still repeating the same damn thing you said at the beginning of the conversation.

If My Car Ever Breaks Down, I'll Run - Calvaire (2004)

I just finished watching Calvaire, and one thing really struck me: This movie has been made about 80 bajillion times. Guess what, though? It's awesome. The plot takes about 5.5 seconds to explain, but that's alright. A guy's van breaks down in bum-fuck nowhere, France, and he ends up at the mercy of some horrendously flawed individual. Yes, please stop me if you've heard that one before. But I swear this one is different.

Contagion: One Sentence Review

Soderbergh's latest won't make you sick, but Jude Law's character is a total prick.

Oh, Yea...I Forgot This is a Series - Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)

Until moments ago, I had no idea this franchise boasted the talents of Burt Reynolds and Gary Busey. Huh...look it up.

This is the preferred posture for cyborg killers. It enhances spinal structure and keeps the body limber in case any sexual activity is needed.