Monday, July 18, 2011
Netflix User Resorts To Prostitution As Price Hike Outrage Continues
Outrage towards the online rental giant continues as a Denver area man recently took extreme measures to pay for the upcoming price hike. When Roger Bobblecock heard that his current plan of one DVD out and unlimited streaming was being split and charged separately, the middle manager and father of three knew the situation had become dire. Roger's wife joked that they were going to have to turn tricks downtown to pay the increase, but it was no laughing matter when she actually had to bail him out of jail after being arrested for soliciting himself.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Harrison Ford: Lucas Is A F***ing Idiot
Upon hearing the news that George Lucas was digitally recasting the role of Han Solo made famous by Harrison Ford for the upcoming "Extra Extra Special Editions" of the original "Star Wars" trilogy, the 69 year old actor was not pleased. "He's a fucking idiot," said the grumpy Ford. Asking what he thought about his replacement drew even more vitriol from the veteran thespian. "Twilight sucks and Pattinson is a no talent ass clown!" It's clear the cast of the original trilogy is not happy with their life's work being tampered with by the bearded one. GPS had the exclusive first look at the "Extra Extra Special Editions" right here http://bit.ly/qxLwZ7
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Friday, July 15, 2011
Lucas Digitally Recasting The Original Star Wars Trilogy
They say artists are their own worst critics. Never satisfied to rest on his laurels, George Lucas is planning on re-releasing the original Star Wars trilogy with digitally recast younger hipper actors in an attempt to better connect with today's movie going audience. We at GPS are extremely excited to give fans an exclusive first look at what the Jedi Master has planned for our beloved sci-fi series.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Happy Birthday Geoffrey Rush!
For 43 more minutes, it will still be Geoffrey Rush's birthday. I really need to get better at checking birthdays BEFORE 11:30 at night. I'll get better as I get more accustomed to wishing people I'll never meet a long life, etc. Anyways, Rush turned 60 today, so let's make with the remembrance and such!
Pirates of the Caribbean 5 Fast-Tracked; Captain Jack Sparrow Re-cast as Villain
For those of you who can't wait to see what shenanigans Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow will get into next, well...too bad. GPS is reporting exclusively on the newest installment of the mega-franchise, which will see a major re-tooling of its principle cast.
Former Captain America Trainer To Reveal Steroid Use In Explosive New Tell All Book
Barry Bonds may have shamed America's favorite sport, but Captain America is threatening to disgrace the reputations of our country's naturally gifted super heroes as allegations of steroid abuse are coming to light. Former trainer of the star spangled avenger and author Mitch Frumpshank will soon be revealing the secrets to Cap's success in his new tell all book "Juicin Cap's Ass" hitting store shelves this summer. With a new bio-pic about his life hitting theaters and recent acceptance into "The Avengers" super hero club, a scathing record of his training regimen could not have come at a more inopportune time.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Currently Obsessed With: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
I don't know how many of you like musicals, but there actually are some good ones out there. You just have to do a little searching. A friend mentioned Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog to me, and being a Joss Whedon fan, I had to check it out. The plot is pretty simple; Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris) is trying to get into the Evil League of Evil, but his arch-nemesis, Captain Hammer (Nathon Fillion) always foils his amazingly Evil plans. Complicating matters is the fact that Captain Hammer starts dating Penny, whom Dr. Horrible has a total crush on. The title comes from the fact that Dr. Horrible has a video blog where he's usually either complaining about being foiled by Captain Hammer, or making his maniacal plans known to everyone who's computer-capable.
Book Of The Dead On Kindle Afflicts Millions Of Users With Dead-ites
The Necronomican Ex Mortis (roughly translated as Book of the Dead) has recently been one of Amazon.com's bestsellers for their popular Kindle e-reader, but reports are coming in that millions of users are being subjected to dead-ite terror after purchasing the title.When speaking certain passages from the book aloud, readers risk the possibility of Kandarian demons consuming their bodies and souls. Amazon is in complete damage control mode now as they try to wake up from the PR nightmare that has ensued.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Nicholas Cage Collects Paycheck; Picks Up Another Scottish Castle.
Still reeling from what can only be described as stellar sales of the theatrical release, DVD, and Blu-ray releases of Drive Angry 3D, Nicholas Cage has, yet again, collected another paycheck. Despite Cage's recent financial misfortunes, the seasoned actor has purchased a new castle in the Scottish Highlands.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Michael Bay to be dragged to Hell by Lamia in 3 days
People often say good things come in threes. "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is number three in the franchise. Top of the line 3-D filming equipment was used during production...... and after the third day of the upcoming holiday weekend, director Michael Bay will be dragged to Hell by the Lamia for unleashing it onto the viewing public. Going back to work after celebrating the 4th of July just got a little easier, but what chain of events has led to the sudden rejoicing of summer blockbuster fans everywhere?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Peter Falk (1927-2011)
All over the web, the news of Peter Falk's death has come in one flavor: something to the effect of, "Peter Falk, TV's Columbo, dead." Falk was amazing as Frank Columbo, but I'd like to show you a different character of his. In 2001, Falk played a mob boss in Jon Favreau's comedy classic, Made. He wasn't in the movie a hell of a lot, but he stole every scene he was in. He gave that sort of performance that made me believe he was that character. Even in his short amount of screen time, I really thought he could have me whacked if he wanted to; all he had to do was pick up the phone. I don't think one scene does justice to a lifetime of acting, but I do think this is a fitting tribute. I have to be careful to keep on topic here, because Vince Vaughn is something else in this film. It's his best role, by far, and I would say it's the epitome of his personality. I might write something up on the film at some point, but I digress. Enjoy a fucking awesome Peter Falk performance.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Django Unchained 101: Let's talk about the title
There are two things in my film life that I consider myself to be somewhat knowledgeable of. One is the spaghetti west and the other is Quentin Tarantino's body of work. I'm kind of a biased fanboy when it comes to the former video store geek and while I don't get all the references he has peppered into his flicks, I can usually get some of it. See....you have to be careful when viewing the hyper ones work all right.....he'll try to trick and mislead you all right. Let's take "Inglorious Basterds" for example. That movie wasn't about a group of ragtag soldiers on a suicide mission to kill Hitler. That was merely a clever disguise designed to show you his love of European cinema and present you a foreign film made by an American. Now let's get to the bottom of "Django Unchained" all right.
Currently Obsessed with: Alfred Hitchcock's "Frenzy"
I recently decided that I would no longer review movies on this blog. There are a thousand and one better places to go for scintillating critique than here. It doesn't mean that I won't write about stuff that's on my mind though. Cinema that I love.........cinema that sticks to my brain.........cinema that makes me obsessed. Like when they have a James Bond marathon on TV and I feel compelled to watch every stinking one of them driving my wife insane in the process. She knows now that I just need to ride it out.....get it out of my system for a while......till the next itch needs scratching.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Breakfast Club remake to actually showcase teen diversity this time
The 1985 Brat Pack classic usually conjures up fond memories for those who have seen it, but the powers that be at Universal studios don't seem to share the admiration anymore. A remake for "The Breakfast Club" has been greenlit, and movie execs are chomping at the bit to update the tale of social diversity amongst teens. True fans cry blasphemy, but the filmmakers are promising that this won't just be a quick cash grab for a creatively bankrupt Hollywood. So what will be different this time?
Meet Machine Gun Joe Viterbo.
Does anyone remember that Death Race movie from a couple of years ago? Me, either. It was probably shit. Here's something much, much better: Machine Gun Joe Viterbo. He was in the original Death Race 2000, and he was played - with much enthusiasm - by Sylvester Stallone. Pre-Rocky Stallone, mind you. So, uh, ya know, if you want to see some, you's know, vintage awesome, look no further, as I give to you Machine. Gun. Joe. Viterbo. As a side note, watch for the amazing ass on his navigator.
If you want to see Rocky get his ass kicked by David Carradine in a leather gimp outfit, then you should probably watch to the end. Otherwise, you can go to hell.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Five Reasons Why Total Recall is Awesome.
Before Arnold Schwarzenegger was proven to be an asshole larger than his governing state, he was busy making sweet love to audiences in the form of all kinds of awesome ass-kicking. First on that list, as far as I'm concerned, is Total Recall. When was the last time you watched that movie? If it's been more than a few years, I'd say it's time to dust it off and re-live Arnold's glory days.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Crystal Lake Closure On 4th Of July Upsets Unlikable Teens
A recent string of fatal incidents at Crystal Lake has proven to be too much for the woefully understaffed police department to handle. The authorities suspect foul play and consequently, the popular vacation spot has been forced to close its shores for the upcoming 4th of July weekend. This is troubling news for a group of unlikable teenagers who will now be forced to change their vacation plans at the last minute.
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