Meet Machine Gun Joe Viterbo.

Does anyone remember that Death Race movie from a couple of years ago? Me, either. It was probably shit. Here's something much, much better: Machine Gun Joe Viterbo. He was in the original Death Race 2000, and he was played - with much enthusiasm - by Sylvester Stallone. Pre-Rocky Stallone, mind you. So, uh, ya know, if you want to see some, you's know, vintage awesome, look no further, as I give to you Machine. Gun. Joe. Viterbo. As a side note, watch for the amazing ass on his navigator.

If you want to see Rocky get his ass kicked by David Carradine in a leather gimp outfit, then you should probably watch to the end. Otherwise, you can go to hell.

Green Lantern: One Sentence Review

For those who might worship Green Lantern's light, beware this film because it's shite.

Five Reasons Why Total Recall is Awesome.

Before Arnold Schwarzenegger was proven to be an asshole larger than his governing state, he was busy making sweet love to audiences in the form of all kinds of awesome ass-kicking. First on that list, as far as I'm concerned, is Total Recall. When was the last time you watched that movie? If it's been more than a few years, I'd say it's time to dust it off and re-live Arnold's glory days.

Crystal Lake Closure On 4th Of July Upsets Unlikable Teens

A recent string of fatal incidents at Crystal Lake has proven to be too much for the woefully understaffed police department to handle. The authorities suspect foul play and consequently, the popular vacation spot has been forced to close its shores for the upcoming 4th of July weekend. This is troubling news for a group of unlikable teenagers who will now be forced to change their vacation plans at the last minute.

Super 8 : Are coy trailers a lost art?

The internet makes it difficult sometimes for me to be a completely pure movie fan. What exactly does that mean? It's getting harder to go into a theater fresh in a day and age where websites and blogs shed light on every little detail about a movie before it's released. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf when it comes to movie spoilage which is why I very much appreciated the way they marketed "Super 8." I knew Abrams and company were going for the retro Spielberg vibe, but was still blissfully ignorant when I bought my ticket. I kind of feel that showing an audience just enough to peak their interest without ruining the plot should be standard trailer 101 strategy, but I'm realistic enough to know that approach won't always work. There have been many times when I've turned to a movie buddy after a trailer and said "well they've shown me the entire plot in two minutes." I think that has happened to all of us at some point, but don't you love it when the powers that be can slip in a surprise every now and then? Here are some of my favorite mystery trailers.

Gymkata 2 Confirmed; Kurt Thomas to Reprise Role.

Click on the poster to see the full size.

It's been 26 years in the making, but it looks like Gymkata 2 is finally becoming a reality. Green People Soup sat down with the writer, director, and star, Kurt Thomas, to find out what kind of shape the project is taking, and when filmgoers can expect to see his ass-kicking routine hit theaters. More after the jump.

Elm Street preschool fails background check after live in gardener discovered

It's bad news for the Badham Preschool after a recent background investigation revealed there to be  unacceptable conditions for the young students who attend there. Prospective clients Marge and Keith Turner had almost settled on the Springwood Ohio school  for their five year old daughter Kimberly, but decided to do some homework on the institution first. Badham has typically been a well reputed business in the popular Elm Street subdivision, but that could quickly change now as details of the report emerge.

Harry Potter Fundamentalists Await Series Rapture

Rapture expert Harold Camping may have recalculated the end for this October, but the serious Harry Potter fans know better. In anticipation of the final film in the series "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2," a sub-section of die-hards have split from the main fan club and migrated south to a compound in northwestern Guyana. In the weeks leading up to the end, an organization calling themselves the New Order Luminaries Involved in the Franchise End or N.O.L.I.F.E. will spend their time celebrating the universe inhabited by the fictitious wizard.

X-Men: First Class (what did you think?)

I saw this opening night and can easily say it's my favorite in the series. I think the studio seemed a little leery about an installment of the franchise without fan favorite Wolverine, but Magneto steps in mightily in the role of ultimate badass and Hugh Jackman's presence is not missed at all in my opinion. See it to watch lead duo Fassbender and McAvoy make sweet mutant magic together.If "Ocean's 11" had sex with the James Bond franchise their kid might be "First Class."  Did anybody else see it? What did you think?

Man Defeats Wishmaster with First Wish.

A New York-area man on Sunday beat away the advances of a centuries-old, malevolent demon, and Green People Soup was hot on the heals of the story as it broke. Antonio Rossi, a Brooklyn native, was walking home from work at around 7pm, when a shrouded figure with the "voice of Burgess Meredith" approached him, slinking out of an adjacent alleyway.