Going Down the Rabbit Hole - Moon (2009)

Isolation and fear, when used correctly, can create some of the most haunting scenarios ever put to film. John Carpenter's The Thing, Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, Steven Soderbergh's Solaris(it's more centered around human drama than Tarkovski's version), and even Barry Levinson's Sphere all come to mind. When there's nowhere to run to, what are you going to do? Moon touches on this theme; Sam Bell(Sam Rockwell) is a 1-man crew scheduled to run an energy mining operation on the moon for 3 years. I'd call that sufficiently isolated, which is the commonality Moon shares with The Thing and The Shining. But where it differs is in the area of fear. The kind of fear on display here is partly that of the unknown, and partly that of yourself. How can you trust your own mind for a grossly extended period of time in a foreign and desolate landscape? I think these are the central themes at the beginning of the film, and they expand from there. To talk more in-depth about plot points would be criminal for this kind of story, so vagaries are all you're going to get.


This is also, hands-down, Sam Rockwell's best performance. He had some of the same stunned desperation in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, but that level is kept throughout all 97 minutes of Moon. Nothing really goes right for Sam the whole time we're watching him, and some of that fear I talked about earlier lies in the fact that nothing good can ultimately come of the situation he's in. Something might be able to be salvaged, but that's about it. Add to his isolation a wife and newborn daughter back on Earth and one could understand how difficult a mission like Sam's would be to handle. The scope and meaning of Sam's predicament drastically changes at a certain point in the film, but alas, as it usually goes with me, that's all I can say. I can't break my own spoiler law, for fear of self-punishment.

Nobody to play with.

So what else can I talk about, then? Location is everything, and much like the atmosphere in The Thing, it's a character in-and-of itself in Moon. It acts as a constant, lifeless enemy, bearing down on Sam until his contract is up, which is 2 weeks away when the film opens. Apparently, a lot of the outside shots were done with models, but I had no clue. The only thing I took away from his surroundings was a striking, bleak loneliness. You might say to yourself, "Just wait out the 2 weeks; if I had to, I could do it." Maybe, but when your mind goes, it could be 2 minutes and it wouldn't make any difference. Regardless, the situation changes when an outside force is made known to Sam after he accidentally crashes his rover into a piece of machinery. From that point on, the story goes off in a different direction, and all I can say is that the door is opened for a whole range of emotions and thoughts you probably weren't expecting.

Cool for a vacation. Not for 3 years.

The short version: I love the story. An original, dark, realistic tale of hard Sci-Fi doesn't come around very often these days, and the way it was handled places Duncan Jones on my list of directors to watch for. He nailed everything possible with Moon, and it's one of those films that gets better with every successive viewing. I've only seen it once, but I know that I'll learn and uncover things I didn't notice before every time I watch it. That's the mark of a great storyteller, and I hope he takes the genre forward by reigning it back in. By that, I mean making Sci-Fi like it used to be. Robert Wise, Stanley Kubrick, Byron Haskin, and hell, even George Lucas before he became an ass all created great works. Science Fiction was all about the people, and it used the genre as a backdrop. Jones understands this, and it's why Moon deserves every praise I give it.

Not Fit For Sci-Fi - Immortal (2004)

I feel I have to clarify my title right away: I don't mean sci-fi the genre; I mean Sci-Fi the cable channel. There's a big difference between this movie and the kind of third-rate crap that channel pumps out. How many movies about Megalodons do we need? How 'bout that barn burner The Poseidon Adventure starring Rutger Hauer, Adam Baldwin and Steve Guttenberg? See, that's exactly what Immortal is not. It's obviously low-budget, but I think the filmmakers used what they had available to them as best they could, and the final product is pretty damn cool. To me, that's a defining characteristic of any good sci-fi film: coolness. Of course, I'm not saying that style trumps all. Not by a long shot. But for this genre, it goes a long way to bridge any gap that may arise between a film's merits and its shortcomings. That may sound a bit weird, and I'll elaborate further. But in a nutshell, Immortal is worth looking at for its unique visual design and cool characters, even if the story doesn't do everything it's supposed to.

In fact, I'll get the story out of the way first. It's not that great. The potential was there, but for whatever reason(I have my guesses: budget and time constraints), its lack of cohesion is painfully obvious. The film centers around the Egyptian god Horus and his human host, played by Thomas Kretschmann. For an unknown reason, Horus is sentenced to death by the rest of the gods, and he has a week to do whatever he wants, I guess. It's not clear why the gods would let a death row inmate roam around freely, but, as I said, the story isn't this film's strong point. So Horus inhabits a human body and bends the host to his will. Again, for some reason, Horus wants to find a certain girl. The only reason I can surmise after watching it was that Horus just wanted to fuck. Alright, but why her? It doesn't make a lot of sense, honestly. Another thing I should mention - and this really only matters in terms of coolness - but in the future, society is mixed with genetically engineered humans and aliens. Like I said, though, not a whole hell of a lot is explained, so forgive me if I'm a little sparse on the details. About ten seconds of it reminded me of Blade Runner. Anyways, some shit happens and then Horus goes back to face his sentencing. Sorry, I won't spoil any more of the movie.

Here, you see the Egyptian god, Horus, come through with his female captive/lover, and Horus' human host, Nikopol.

But who plays Horus, you ask? Well, cgi does. That's the thing about Immortal. It's a mix between live-action and full cgi. For example, in one scene you'll be watching two actual people acting in a real environment, and in the next scene, the environment and everyone in it is entirely cgi. Then the film will mix the two together. Sometimes you can't tell the difference(the fully cgi bartender looks awesome), but other times it's a little jarring when the effects don't quite convince the way they should. Sometimes it looks great, but then the animations and overall quality of a lot of the humanoid character models are noticeably low-budget. But overall, I think it gives off a really interesting and futuristic vibe, which is obviously crutial for a sci-fi movie set in the future.

Another aspect of Immortal that I loved were the characters. Almost every single one was interesting to look at, even if their motivations or goals weren't very clear. The best character would have to be a genetically engineered shark who basically works as a bounty hunter for the government. His name is.........wait for it............Hammerhead. I'll let you guess his species of shark. But he really is a bad-ass character, if under-used. For some reason, Hammerhead consists of fully practical effects, while Horus is cgi. Both are central to the story, which, again, makes the effects a mixed bag. The girl Horus lusts after is another main character, and she's played by an actual woman(Linda Hardy). She's not human, and as far as the doctor who examines her can determine, her organs place her at about 3 months old. But she's a grown woman, so the story tries to add depth to her character by using her mysterious past as a part of the narrative. The problem, again, centers around me not knowing what the fuck was going on.

Hammerhead. Fucking cool.

I will say that from scene-to-scene, I understood what was happening. The problem was with the overall cohesion of the narrative. The over-arching story made absolutely no sense. Apparently, in the near future there is an Egyptian pyramid free-floating in the sky, and no-one knows why. They try to investigate for a moment, but nothing really comes of it, and its presence remains a mystery. But that mystery also extends to the entire point of the film. The ending, just like the rest of it, is bizarre and not explained. No, I'm still not going to go into a lot of detail, because I do think Immortal is worth at least a rental. I hate this cliche, but it's really not for everyone. If you want to see across-the-board amazing effects, this won't do the job. If you want a satisfying narrative, this won't do the job. But if you want an original take on traditional myths and a cool cast of characters, Immortal is my prescription to your pain.

Oh, and if you're interested in a little bit of movie trivia, the director of Immortal, Enki Bilal, was a demon illustrator on the 1983 Michael Mann movie, The Keep. We've talked about this movie before, so I just thought I'd throw that out there for the more discerning readers. As for Immortal, I'd give it a try, if only to see an experiment that almost fired on all cylinders, but a couple of them blew out before they were supposed to. But that's okay to me. In this case, it was the thought that counted.

The Ending That Wasn't There - Vinyan (2008)

I really hate when this happens. Vinyan runs 96 minutes, and 90 minutes of it are absolutely fantastic. Then the last 6 minutes tanks the whole thing. Not since High Tension have I been so pissed at a movie's ending. It's almost like the director knew he was going to piss everyone off, and reveled in it. And coming from Fabrice Du Welz, the helmer of Calvaire, Vinyan is a dissapointment. Calvaire is a bizarre, fucked up French horror film that really doesn't pull any punches. And 99% of the time, Vinyan doesn't, either. But that last 1% is a bitch.

The story is about a couple who lost their child in the tsunami of '04, I believe. It's been 6 months since it happened, and they're still coping with the loss. By chance, Jeanne(Emmanuelle Beart) sees a video about impoverished children, and she thinks she sees her son amongst them. So she and her husband, Paul(Rufus Sewell), set out to see if their son is alive. The tricky part is where they think he is - in Burma. So they pay a shady character to take them to Burma, and things happen from there on.


The first thing I want to talk about is the acting. Sewell is great, and I really wish he would do more films of substance, or at least of a higher profile. I just want to see him more often, because I think he's a really good actor. Regardless, he pulls off a nuanced, realistic performance that's matched by Beart every step of the way. These are real people in real situations, and melodrama or over-acting never rears its ugly head.

But this fact only makes me more angry, because I think a good ending was very possible, but the scriptwriter or whoever decided to confuse and annoy the audience by inserting an ending that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I can't give any specifics, obviously, but rest assured your rage will boil over once this movie is over.


It's a damn shame, really, because like I said, the rest of Vinyan is top-notch. It's a very atmospheric film, and it keeps a consistent mood of dread and uncertainty throughout. It's firmly set in reality, and Sewell and Beart sell the shit out of it. Their emotions ring true in every sense, and there's nothing to do but take the journey with them. But again, the ending tanks it. For every scene of parental pain and anguish, the last few minutes add a lifetime of bullshit and contrived circumstance. Believe me, I don't want this to be reality, but it is. I so loved this film, but when everything is said and done, Fabrice really let me down.

I guess it's up to you whether or not 99% of a great film is better than nothing. For me, there's nothing worse than a sour-tasting ending, for the obvious reason. It's the last thing you see; if it sucks, it diminishes the whole experience. Such is the ending of Vinyan, and i'll forever weep for what could have been. Oh well, I guess. Nothing I've said up to this point can diminish how good most of the film was, so I guess you could call that a small victory. But in the end, I'll only ever think of how much better the film would have been if the last 6 minutes lived up to the previous 90. It's up to you whether or not that sounds like a worthy use of an hour-and-a-half. Personally, I'd say it was, since so much of it was captivating and worthwhile. But man...way to crap all over a great achievement.

The 10 Virtues of Rambo III

Rambo III isn't the greatest 80's action movie ever, but you know what? It's pretty damn good for a generic bit of ridiculousness. And compared to Rambo II, it's a goddamn masterpiece. But my goal here isn't to review the movie; that's not necessary at this point. So what I'm going to do instead is tell you about the virtues of Rambo III, complete with video guides to make sure the action hero in your next movie knows what he's supposed to do. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

The 10 Virtues of Rambo III

1) When pit-fighting, always be honorable.

Rambo has integrity...unlike all you other filthy Thai fighters out there.

2) First Blood is over. So is Rambo's war.

Don't expect to win Rambo's heart over within the first 15 minutes of the movie, Colonel.

3) Seeing/helping oppressed civilians.

Yep. Rambo gets some of these guys out of a bind. With a grenade launcher.

4) Fitting in with native cultures.

The Afghans just didn't know how good Rambo was at picking dead animals up while galloping on horseback.

5) Heroic music while carrying a child away from danger.

As it turns out, Chow Yun-Fat doesn't have the monopoly on this sort of thing.

6) Epic clothesline.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting it, which makes it even better.

7) Running away from exploding things.

Well, did you think there weren't exploding things to run away from in this movie?

8) Grenade arrows.

Regular old arrows are for pussies.

9) Rewarding death of a large enemy combatant.

It's like Indiana Jones, only more graphic and with larger muscles.

10) Helicopter vs. tank.

Machine on machine action. And yes, the screaming helps with momentum. Can you guess who lives?

So there you have it - the 10 virtues of Rambo III. I hope you learned something, because everything you need to know about action movies is right there in front of you. You can decide the quality; I'm just saying that Rambo III can be used as a template if you so choose. If not, then at least go watch the whole thing and ponder with me why the Russians wear those fur hats of theirs in an Afghan desert.

Is Magic a Part of All Human Anatomy?

For centuries, we as a species have wondered what the limits of our bodies are. The questions range from how far our physical attributes can take us, to whether or not our mental capacity is tapped out. Are we more than the sum of our parts? Fear not, GREEN PEOPLE SOUP patrons; Albert VonBaren is here to answer your every burning question. Why, you ask? Because he has found a way to examine, rigorously test and quantify the amount of magic that is available for use in all of us. The answer might both surprise and shock you. Or not. But either way, the results are in. As in, science has answered the age-old question: can we exact physical change on the world around us using our mind alone?

Find out the answer after the jump.

Dr. Albert VonBaren, a neuroscientist at Oxford, has repeatably demonstrated where and how magic is used in the human body. But first, before we get into the meat of his findings, lets recap Dr. VonBaren's academic study and career output.

Born in Austria, Albert VonBaren was interested in the sciences at an early age. By the time his 12th birthday rolled around, he had written a half-dozen dissertations on the esoteric and metaphysical meanings of life and death. By 18, he had become a published author, with his New York Times best-selling book, entitled "Chemistry and Free Will: Are They Compatible?" affecting the minds of approximately 2.5 million readers. To say that neuroscience is his specialty would be to disregard his years of study in various other disciplines, and would also necessitate a slight on his character. He is a genius of envious heights. I only present this information as a kind of guide to understanding that whatever scientific evidence he presents, it is most likely true in every sense that we as humans understand.

Albert VonBaren, age 23; two years after he emigrated from his native land, Austria. Computer science was a hobby of his since he can remember. The wood paneling and mid-level phone jacks prove his authenticity.

Before we're able to understand where magic comes from, we first need to understand a basic fact of life: every person is imbued with spiritual energy. The quicker we grasp that concept, the better. And if we were to listen to Dr. VonBaren, the spiritual energy necessary to affect physical change in the world around us is, in fact, "something that changes within the parameters of mental comprehension." That is to say that the more we are in tune with our capabilities, the more physical change we are able to manifest. Therefore, according to Dr. VonBaren, "It is not simply a matter of will; rather, it is a function of not only belief, but that of belief working in harmony with higher comprehension of magical ability." If it sounds over your head, that's because it probably is. Dr. VonBaren expounds on the previous statement by saying, "Not everyone is able to lift a table by looking at it. That much is obvious. The question I'm most interested in is, 'why?' And to that, I now have a definitive answer. The processes that take place inside the human body are vastly complex, and therefore, change according to certain criteria. What criteria, you ask? Well, first and foremost, mental focus."

Mental focus allows the physical to transcend its boundaries.

In order for GREEN PEOPLE SOUP to ascertain the truth of this claim, we enlisted the help of a random volunteer. The volunteer was given a table and chair, and his goal was to levitate both the table and chair using only his mind. Dr. VonBaren's role was to act as a guide; someone who could help our volunteer by instructing him in the ways of mental focus.

The initial outcome was far from encouraging. The volunteer tried to levitate the table and chair, but absolutely nothing happened. After about ten minutes of patiently waiting, Albert finally took him aside and offered his tempered wisdom.

When the volunteer re-emerged, he was able to lift the chair approximately ten inches in the air, unaided by any physical means. This was, to understate the occasion, incredible. Someone with no previous exposure to magical certitudes was able to physically alter the state of an object. When asked what he felt about how he performed, the volunteer simply stated "Albert helped me to see what my goal was." How profound is that?

Keep in mind the only thing the volunteer was able to lift was the chair. The desk was still firmly planted on the ground. Several attempts were made to at least make the table quiver; every attempt was thwarted by gravity and common sense. Ah, but gravity and common sense can be overcome. As witness to this, I submit Dr. VonBaren's second attempt at guidance. He pulled the volunteer aside again, and the results were self-explanatory. Within moments of coming out of the "spiritual huddle," our volunteer lifted both the table, chair, and a few pieces of my equipment into the air for 2 minutes, 39 seconds. To this reporter, obviously, the results were astounding.

Our volunteer's success was obvious. Physical matter doesn't hold a candle to mental focus and application.

Once again, Dr. VonBaren's wisdom and knowledge ruled the day. "It's not the simple act of trying; it is the complex act of believing and acting upon that certain belief." No truer words were ever spoken in this reporters midst, and I, for one, am forever indebted to Dr. Albert VonBaren for instilling within me the conviction and belief that I can change matter itself.

We took these results to Hogwarts, and when asked to comment, a school official said only that "certain people are able to use conjuration, charms and spells. I would like to see the hard data showing anyone can lift a table. I just don't think it's possible. I seriously doubt this volunteer would get into Hogwarts." Dr. VonBaren certainly disagrees, and even goes so far as to suggest litigation. "These results hint at the possibility of students not being allowed into Hogwarts based upon a false premise."



[editor's note] It is not the position of GREEN PEOPLE SOUP that anyone can physically affect the status of an object. Trying to do so can, and quite probably will, cause actual harm on the participants, and can also result in permanent disability. GREEN PEOPLE SOUP is not liable for any harm or injury acquired by any means inside of the aforementioned magical abilities. Attempt at your own risk.

Hogwarts Academy Under Intense Watchdog Scrutiny

Green People Soup was recently fortunate enough to interview Elena Ruggelmeyer, one of the founders of the world's leading anti-Hogwarts movement, What About the Children? In this, part 1 of our candid fireside chat, Elena let us and our readers know exactly why they believe Hogwarts does more harm than good, and what they aim to do about it.

Elena Ruggelmeyer - a pillar of community watchdogs the world over.

Green People Soup: Elena, if I may call you that, it's a pleasure to finally get a chance to sit down and talk about these important issues with you. If you were to read the newspaper, you wouldn't think anybody cared(this article will be published on page 18 of the Culture section). But to people like you and me, who actually care about the issues facing our children and their futures, there's nothing more important than making sure their education matters. So on behalf of the staff of Green People Soup, I'd like to congratulate you on your efforts to raise awareness of this potential problem.

Elena Ruggelmeyer: My mother named me Elena, so it's certainly fine to call me that. And it's a good point you make about the coverage this issue is getting; namely, none. That's really why I started What About the Children? - as a way to advocate their rights as citizens and as people. Clearly, your organization understands what we're about, and I'd like to extend the same gratitude you showed me a minute ago by saying I think what you do is fantastic.

GPS: That's great, I appreciate it. Now let's get down to business. To me, the number one issue is job security. Let's say you've been a student at Hogwarts all your life, and the time is approaching for you to go out and make your mark on the world. What's the job market like for graduates of Hogwarts?

ER: Pretty dismal, really.

GPS: Why is that?

ER: Well, for a number of reasons. For starters, there are only so many bounty hunter positions available at any given time. If you were to look at the wanted ads, for example, in the areas surrounding Hogwarts, you wouldn't see very many looking for magical protectors or hunters. Those jobs are already taken. So what I see happening is a lot of young, intelligent and talented people being led to believe this "school" is teaching them how to apply their skills in the real world, when in reality, it's just the opposite.

GPS: So they're basically being left high-and-dry.

ER: Exactly. It's not enough to excel at your craft. To be successful, you also have to be given, at some point, the opportunity to practice it. I suppose an ex-student could always turn to pure evil. I wouldn't recommend it, but there you have it.

GPS: So you're saying that the lack of career prospects could possibly turn good, caring people into evil wizards hell-bent on destruction of everything we hold dear?

ER: In theory, yes. The obvious example would be You-Know-Who. Ahem. I'm afraid I don't have the actual data on hand to back that up. I'll e-mail you a copy of it as soon as I return to my office.

This face is the possible future of your offspring.

GPS: I'd like that, yes. Moving on, I'd like to talk about the education Hogwarts provides its students. Do you think it's adequate?

ER: In some areas, yes. In others, it is disasterously under-funded. The quality of teachers any school would hope to attract generally relies on how much they are able to pay them, and Hogwarts is no exception. Just look at their Dark Arts department. They've been through how many teachers in the past three or four years? I've lost track. I think it's absurd to imagine any child learning proper defenses against the dark arts when they have to resort to secret meetings behind invisible doors where their actual teacher can't find them. What kind of a message does that send? It's ridiculous, and I can't believe we're the only ones who see it.

Not every student at Hogwarts can attend the secret Dark Arts Defense class.

GPS: You're certainly not, and I couldn't agree more. If I had a child at Hogwarts, I would expect them, after a year or two, to be able to lift me in the air and suspend me indefinitely while they made their escape. Not so. I've had friends' children try it on me; usually, they really suck at using magic.

ER: I think, generally, that's true. If I remember the statistics, only about 2 in every 10 students can be expected to properly invoke the Confundus charm or Flipendo jinx. That's unacceptable. If they were ever to find themselves in a situation where their life depended on correctly using these spells, they'd be done for. And as a parent, it's at least 10 grand down the toilet. Also the death of their child.


That's it for part 1 of our interview with Elena Ruggelmeyer, but stay tuned for part 2 shortly, as we've only scraped the tip of the iceberg as far as the issues at hand go. Hogwarts definitely has a lot of explaining to do, and Elena is here to help usher in that much-needed accountability.

Hogwarts Magical Fireworks Show Goes Horribly Wrong; Harry Potter Involved

by Green People Soup staff


Hogwarts, July 8, 9:42 a.m. - During the annual magical fireworks display, five students received third-degree burns, and one teacher's robe was mostly disintegrated when a rogue flame not only increased its size ten-fold in under a second, but then cloned itself many times over and surrounded the Quidditch stadium where the display is held. The flames then proceeded to attack people at random, prompting one very famous student to lend a helping hand.

More on the story after the jump.

An eyewitness saw Harry Potter construct a large water barrier, which he then used against the raging fires. "It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It was like Moses versus the devil or something, I don't know. I saw flames everywhere, people were screaming, then the next thing I know, Harry is running around with his feet on fire, throwing these gigantic streams of water everywhere with his hands. Awesome," said Trig Lothbottom, a first-year Gryffindor student.

Trig Lothbottom, pictured, flees the burning wreckage of his stadium seating.

Thanks to Potter's heroism, the five students with deep burns will recover soon, and damage to the stadium was kept to a minimum. Even the teacher whose robe disintegrated was in good spirits after the flames died down. "Yea, it was a surprise, sure. I guess I'm lucky all that got hurt was my pride. My bum was waving in the wind for a good 20 minutes, you know. 12-year-olds saw it," said Arthur Whip, the visiting Herbology professor who was due to give a lecture shortly after the fireworks display. "I think I'll postpone that lecture, at least until I can get an Obliviate charm going."

The flame was first conjured on the stage next to the Fireworks Display area, and quickly spread from there.

Update, 3:30 p.m. - Hogwarts school officials have put out a press release concerning the fire and its possible cause.

From the press release: "We are all, of course, very grateful to Harry for acting in such a brave and selfless manner. However, our gratitude doesn't dismiss the possibility of this incident being related to the dark arts in some fashion. We are currently investigating this possibility, and if something does turn up, rest assured we will put our top wizards on the job. No one flames our stadium and gets away with it."

Near Dark double dip DVD can BITE ME!!!!!

Not cool cover....cool movie

I guess I can understand why they would do this.....but come on......really!!!???? One of the very cooooooolest vampire movies ever to never utter the word vampire does not need to market itself for a DVD re-release to make itself look like Twilight. For one thing, Caleb never even looks like that in the movie with the pale skin and stupid eyes....he just looks human the whole time except for when he takes sunlight damage. Another thing.....Twilight is not worthy to scratch the nut hairs of Kathryn Bigelow's classic outlaw tale! I guess if it makes more people check it out I should be ok with it..............but it still pisses me off!!!!

Not cool movie

Now if you are a hardcore movie dork like me and you want to track down this masterpiece of 80's vampire flicks........go for the version released by Anchor Bay. Nuff said!

Cool cover cool DVD cool movie

Job outlook dismal for Hogwarts graduates

A recent study has shown that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy is severely lagging behind other technical shools and colleges when it comes to placing graduates into the global marketplace. This does not bode well for aspiring wizards and witches who may have to consider going to learning institutions that offer more realistic career choices. Speaking anonymously, a recent Hogwarts student said, "I had a great time...., but upon graduation I quickly discovered that the curriculum offered there simply did not prepare me for a world where I can't even list the Petronas charm as a job skill on my resume!" The former student went on to say, "I've talked it over with my parents.....and I'm going to America to enroll in Devry University....it's just a shame that I have to start my education all over again from scratch!"

Anonymous student (top row, 2nd from right) at Hogwarts graduation

When asked about Hogwarts current downward trend, Harold T. Shapiro Chairman of Devry University responded, "It's true, year after year we get more and more former wizards coming through our doors here at Devry looking to better their marketability in today's competitive workforce because everything we do in and out of the classroom prepares our students to start or advance their chosen careers. Just look at the numbers and you'll see they don't lie." Shapiro sited that 92% of Devry graduates were employed within six months after graduation compared to 8% at Hogwarts.

Devry Chairman Shapiro

The convincing pie chart making its case

Supporters of Hogwarts have much to be concerned about these days when you add troubling stats on top of everything else that has been happening at the school of late. Staff and students can only hope that the negative spiral can stop or at least slow down before it is too late for this historic institution of the magically gifted.

Next Stop, Jesus! - Religulous (2008)

The first thing you should know about this documentary is that it was directed by Larry Charles. The same Larry Charles that directed Borat. So right off the bat, you know this isn't going to be a totally even-handed affair. The film is by no means vitriolic or demeaning, but it has its moments that are obviously skewed. I happen to agree with everything Bill Maher says in this documentary, but I also understand that it's not going to win anyone over who doesn't see things the way he does. But that's not really the reason I watched Religulous. I wasn't looking for Maher to present scientific evidence or fully construct logical arguments. Honestly, I was watching this film so I could see the crazy people and laugh at them. And in that regard, Religulous did exactly what I wanted.

The whole thing is basically Bill Maher traveling around, interviewing believers and non-believers alike, asking questions about their faith, and cracking some jokes at their expense. Before seeing the film, you might think Maher utterly trashes anyone who believes in God. But at its heart, it's not a venemous film. Maher, for the most part, respects the people he's interviewing enough to let them explain their position, and afterwards ask them serious questions. Sure, here and there he adds some off-color joke aimed at the religion his interviewee is part of, and it's funny. To me. If you're religious, probably not quite as much. But still, even if you're religious, you have to give him his overall civility. There were countless times where, if it were me, I would probably get a little rude or condescending towards some of these people. The ex-gay minister who doesn't believe anyone is really gay comes to mind. That just smacks of ignoring your own desires, but whatever.

Maher goes everywhere from Israel, to the Bible belt, to the Netherlands, and to the heart of Mormon Utah. Speaking of Utah, those fucking guys have quite a setup there. It's almost, if not just as ornate as the Vatican. In Italy. As in Europe, where their architecture is actually pleasing to stare at for more than five seconds. Yea, I was surprised to see that shit in Utah. Props on that. But besides that, you really have to be hardcore to believe the stuff they do. I'm just saying. Mormons also don't seem to be very inviting to outsiders, since just the mere sight of Maher sent the Mormon Enforcement Brigade into their midst to drive them away. An even more amusing fact was that Maher actually tried to get an interview with the Pope. He failed, but still. However, he did find an actual Vatican priest who holds some pretty unconventional views about his own faith. I'll put up a little clip of him below. He deserves it. Among the other colorful characters is a dude who believes he is the second coming of Christ, a weed-smoking spiritualist who doesn't really know what the fuck he believes in, and a Jewish guy who invents(or cheats, IMO) his way around restrictions on the Sabbath. If nothing else, you could say Religulous asks the same basic questions of every religion, and it doesn't come off as picking on anyone more than the rest.

All in all, your mind is already made up whether or not you believe one word that comes out of Bill Maher's mouth when it comes to religion. You either believe or you don't. So it's armed with that knowledge that I ask you to just watch it for fun. Regardless of your personal beliefs, at least watch it and form an opinion afterward, not the other way around. If nothing else, it can serve as a nice jumping-off point for a serious discussion with those you know of differing faiths. Or, if you agree, it's a great film to pop in and have some laughs while still engaging your brain a tad bit.