Movie Review - Sexy Beast (2000)

As much as Don Logan would like this movie to be about him, it isn’t. Throughout his persistent buggering, it’s about the frustration of a man who just wants to be left in peace. The writers of this movie crafted a script so full of venom that it’s initially hard to sympathize with anyone involved. But after the shock wears off, you quickly gravitate towards Gary Dove (Ray Winstone), a “retired” thief who’s had enough of the game and lives a secluded life with his wife, Deedee, in their palatial digs somewhere out in the countryside. Life is great until one day, Don Logan appears like a bull in a china shop and fucks it all up. I’ll get to his character in a bit, but his only goal from the get-go is to convince Gary to pull off one more job. Gary says no, and the rest of the movie is about how his life is made a living hell from the constant vitriol spewed by Don in order to get him to cave and go with him.


There’s not a lot of setup -- be it characters, motivations, or anything of that sort. Gary just wants Don Logan (Ben Kingsley) to get the hell out of his life as quick as possible. But that won’t happen unless he agrees to do the job, which involves drilling a hole underneath some place to steal something. What it is, I have no idea. Sexy Beast is not a heist movie, and it doesn’t bother with any details concerning what they’re after. It’s all about the pressure thrust upon Gary to actually do it, and how he handles himself after he declines the offer. I was expecting to write a much longer review, but that’s pretty much everything this movie is about. The only thing I haven’t talked about at length is Don Logan himself. He deserves a novel dedicated to his character, but it looks like he’ll only get a paragraph or two.


Don Logan is a heist man. What kind, we’ll never gather from the film. All we know is that he’s part of the plan, and for the plan to work Gary needs to be in on it. He flies in to visit him and get him to commit to the project. Don is an incessant asshole who doesn’t take bad news very well. Gary’s refusal sends him into fits of rage, and he’s a truly scary person when he’s pissed. I don’t know if I’d be able to say no to anything he asked of me. But Gary does, and it doesn’t sit well. I wish there was more to say, but that’s really all the movie goes into. There’s only a few locations seen, and most of it takes place in Gary’s home while Don berates him over and over. Speaking of Gary, Ray Winstone turns a character that could easily have been played with little effort into the heart of the movie. I really felt for the guy, and I wanted Don to get the fuck out just as much as he did. For fans of the HBO series Deadwood, Ian McShane makes an appearance in the film, and while he's not a huge part of the story, his scenes are great and he turns in a performace of the calibur you'd expect from him.



Ben Kingsley gives one of those performances that really makes me wish he would do more serious acting. Lately, he’s been in a lot of shit movies, and it’s really sad to watch his career unfold in the manner it has. Bloodrayne? Really? He couldn’t have been paid that much for phoning it in from the airport on the way to the set. I will say that it hasn’t all been horrible of late, though. You Kill Me and Transsiberian are both worthy films that almost allow him to wash the stain of Uwe Boll from his resume. Almost. Once you’ve been in one of his films, it’s pretty much going to haunt you until you die or have radical facial surgery and change your name. Regardless, Don Logan is a character that will endure the test of time and come back twenty years from now to spit in the face of whoever decides to watch him. Nothing I could say would do justice to his douche bagginess, so I’ll end with just a taste of what’s in store when you watch this movie.

I want a Swamp Thing remake dammit!

The re-boot....it's a popular trend in Hollywood these days. The Batman franchise got one....Superman got one...hell...even the Hulk got a new kick start only a few years removed from his first big screen outing. So why no love for my beloved Swamp Thing? Second tier heroes like Iron Man are also getting the hundred million dollar movie treatment. If Iron Man came to the bayou to fight Swamp Thing....he'd just get stuck in the mud and his balls would rust. Wolverine has a new flick soon to be slashing up movie tickets near you....and if that adamantium plated meathead tried to cut off Swamp's arm...he could just re attach it...or instantly grow a new one. He's pretty much the coolest super hero ever.....period.

For those not in the know......the Swamp Thing comic was created in 1972 by Len Wein.....and has continued off and on for several decades. At one point, writer Alan Moore (of Watchmen fame) took the reins for a spell and wrote some of my very favorite storylines for the character. The book follows Alec Holland..brilliant scientist who is transformed by his own experiments into the Swamp Thing. The series has him fighting evil and seeking to regain his human form. He doesn't have any type of special body armor. Nor does he speed around town on a nifty tricked out motorcycle. Hell...he doesn't even have a costume. He's just a big pile of living, muddy, mossy, shit. The Swamp Thing has super human strength coupled with the ability to communicate and control the world's vegetation, but the neatest thing going for him is that there are these swamp potatoes growing on his body that you can eat......and get really high. Totally organic swampy psychedelic bliss baby.

pass the potatoes please.....

Can you just imagine a new movie version of Swamp Thing made with today's special effects? He could be fighting a desperate battle against whatever evil nemesis the screenwriters throw at him...then all of the sudden it seems like he's going to lose.......he quickly shoves a power potato down the bad guy's throat and all is right in the world. No other super hero in comics or film has this ace up their sleeves! I usually favor practical FX over CG these days....but seeing a swamp trip done proper on film would justify the use of a computer.

in-a-gadda-da-vida-honey!

For now, all us fans of the mean green plant machine have is a low budget effort from 1981. I think they had their hearts in the right places getting Wes Craven to direct. This was pre Elm Street, but he was fresh off the success of Last House on the Left and Hills Have Eyes so it was the right choice when considering the dark nature of the comic books. Fans of Adrienne Barbeau can rejoice. She takes center stage as a feisty action heroine sporting excellent cleavage and an 80's curly afro. Actor Louis Jourdan (he was the Bond villain in Octopussy) holds his own as the immortality seeking Dr. Arcane. Sadly, the titular character played by stuntman Dick Durrock leaves something to be desired. It's not that he does such a bad acting job....you can just tell that he's wearing a silly rubber outfit that wrinkles every time he moves. Not a good idea for such an action heavy film. At one point during a chaotic scene, there's a hole in the suit and you can see the guy's blue jeans underneath for a second....unacceptable! When Arcane transforms into a monster in the end and the two titans battle....it's no better. I couldn't even find a picture of this terrible creature creation to post, but let's just say Arcane looks like something from a bad episode of Power Rangers. I read that they spent three million dollars on this film and you can tell it was not on the costumes.

the 1982 film poster showed promise...

Dick Durrock as Rubber Suit Thing did not....

Hollywood continues to produce new Spiderman and Fantastic Four sequels every year (same shit...different summer), but hopefully one day a major studio will get their head out of their ass and give the swamp devil his due. Swamp Thing's material is very unique and in the right hands with the right budget.....we could get one hell of a super hero romp. Hey......I can dream can't I?

My take on the whole Watchmen/Fox ass-fuckathon.

With the news of Fox and Warner Bros. reaching a settlement that could probably fund my retirement 40 years early, I'd like to take a moment to explain why I think Fox can have a nice warm cup of shut the fuck up.

First of all, they've had the license for this goddamn property for a long, long time. If they were going to make a move before my unborn grandchild bites the dust, they were sure taking their sweet time with it. I'm sure a lot of studios have projects that get shelved for a number of years, but this is fucking ridiculous. On the flip side, I guess we can all be thankful they didn't turn it into a shitty Saturday morning cartoon to air alongside their X-Men show(which I like a lot, but Watchmen would have blown shit). Still, the relief that comes from knowing something great wasn't turned to ass doesn't change the fact they COULD have made it great. Wolverine sure looks great, though. Good job on that, Fox, because everyone worth a shit knows X-Men: Last Stand was stellar.


As far as the legal issues are concerned, yes, Warner Bros. had to know this was coming. They didn't have any right to make this movie, and being a money-grubbing, artistic black hole of a studio, Fox saw their free ride gravy train pulling up right on time with a big blue man riding shotgun. Obviously, this could have turned out to be shitty for everyone, but did you honestly think Fox wanted to outright stop the production and release of Watchmen? What money was there to make in that? If the movie never came out, they wouldn't be able to get a huge settlement for doing nothing, while someone(probably low on the totem pole at Fox) wondered at what point he thought it was a good idea to join a company with the temperment of Ebenezer Scrooge and the output of a past-his-prime Uwe Boll. But hey, Wolverine is doing some re-shoots, so that must mean they're taking it seriously. Strange timing, don't you think? Fox gets some inheritance cash and Hugh Jackman gets to do some more acting. Hmm....


I'm not bagging on Wolverine for any particular reason, mind you. It's just the only thing I can think of that's being released by that crap hole of a company. I hope it's a good movie, and Hugh Jackman is bad ass as Logan. They even made a great pick for Sabretooth, so that's two points for them. Subtract 1000 points for being lazy bastards with their hands out, and their final score is, like, way negative. Math isn't my strong suit, but it sure is theirs.

Does Heath Ledger's Joker deserve the last laugh?

On the one year anniversary of his passing....Heath Ledger is nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of the joker. Let me be the first to say that I thought he was a great talent with a body of work that started with teeny bopper crap and ended with more meaty roles worthy of his promise as an actor. I do however feel that we shouldn't give him the golden dude just because he's dead....especially when there are other actors on the nominee list whose careers could benefit by winning the best supporting actor nod.


Consider Robert Downey Jr. for a moment. Here is a guy that has fought his own personal battle with drugs and alcohol and lived to tell the tale. His rise back to the creme of the acting crop is feature film worthy itself. Yes, the extreme method actor Kirk Lazarus that he plays in "Tropic Thunder" is ridiculous, but is it more so than a guy playing a comic book character with green hair and messy clown make up?

Downey Jr. as Kirk Lazarus playing Sgt. Lincoln Osiris

Or what about Josh Brolin? His performance as Dan White in "Milk" gives us an interesting glimpse of the man who in the 70's assassinated gay rights activist Harvey Milk. Surely this insight into a piece of history that many people were perhaps not aware of should be considered when deciding.

Brolin and Sean Penn in "Milk"

In the end, I just don't want it to be a sympathy win for Heath. I want the academy to truly feel that it was the performance of a disturbing anarchist on the screen in "Dark Knight" that takes the statue. If they decide the Joker is better than a white guy playing a black guy....or someone playing a historical figure then I'm ok with that. Rest in peace Heath. (comments very welcome)

The best of 80's fantasy pt. 3- Dragonslayer (1981)

Why is it that Hollywood can seldom get dragons right? They try......and for the most part....fail miserably. I do give some credit to 2002's "Reign of Fire" which shows the fantastical creatures as they should be....mean....nasty....killers. I don't want to see movies about charming dragons that love people and are voiced by Sean Connery...or Rachel Weisz. I want to see the mother of all badass fantasy monsters turning peasants into charred remains with fire and tearing them apart with unholy brute strength. It's sad....but dragon lovers prayers have not been answered since 1981's "Dragonslayer." It's a tale of an ancient terror named Vermithrax....she's a grumpy old bitch so vicious that people maim themselves just to get away from her. She's here to slay.....or be slayed.

The plot has a band of desperate villagers led by a young man named Valerian seeking out the last known sorcerer Ulrich of Craggenmoor (Ralph Richardson). He alone is their only chance to rid the land of the last and oldest dragon. For many decades the kingdom of Urland has been ravaged by Vermithrax and twice a year they offer her virgin daughters chosen by lottery to avoid her wrath. Ulrich is old, but seems to be up to the challenge. The only problem is that King Casiodorus doesn't like this plan and dispatches the captain of his guard Tyrian (John Hallum) to test the old man to see what power...if any...he really has. It's Tyrian's blade vs Ulrich's sorcery....but alas....everyone knows you never bring a wizard to a knife fight and Ulrich is mortally wounded. With Ulrich dead....the villagers have no hope for the future. Enter Galen Bradwarden (Peter Macnicol)....the young sorcerer's apprentice who takes it upon himself to challenge the dragon and the corrupt government of Urland. The task is mighty and only the power of a mystical amulet that he is too inexperienced to use can help him.

The characters in this film are great.....there are plot twists galore (especially when Valerian's true colors are revealed)....and we begin to wonder if Galen actually stands a chance against the villainous Tyrian....not to mention the dragon. Keep a lookout for an early movie appearance from Ian McDiarmid. You might know him as the Emperor Palpatine in the "Star Wars" prequels. Here he has a bit part as a priest that stands against the dragon with nothing but his faith in God to help him. (spoiler...the force is not with him) At first Galen seems like a real whiney shit....but give him time....he eventually rises to the occasion and when his magic fails him...he takes on Vermithrax with one of the most awesome movie weapons ever...the Sicarious Dracorum. (roughly translated....the dragonslayer)

Forging the Sicarious Dracorum AKA the badass spear

The FX were done by ILM and still hold up pretty well in my opinion. They kind of take the "Jaws" approach and don't show you the monster until much later in the story. It works to build suspense and you'll really appreciate it when Vermithrax is finally revealed. I should also mention that this film was co-produced by Disney, but don't be fooled by the PG rating. "Dragonslayer" is dark and bloody as hell....it would definately get a PG-13 today...if not R. Vermithrax must have scared the crap out of movie makers because celluloid dragons have pretty much been pussies ever since.

"flame on" Vermithrax is ready to cook thy nuts...

The best of 80's fantasy part 2 - The Beastmaster (1982)

Yet another classic from my youthful days...whenever this film came on cable...it was like the call of the mythological sirens luring me to my brainless doom. This film flopped at the box office, but had a huge impact on television. TBS aired the film so often that it was dubbed "The Beastmaster channel." Never again in the future of fantasy films will a guy with a sword and a bag of ferrets be so friggin cool!

Directed by Don Coscarelli... (horror buffs know him as the man responsible for the "Phantasm" film series)....it's the tale of Dar (Marc Singer from V the classic alien invasion series) who as an unborn infant...was magically teleported into a cow's uterus by a witch. The plan was to sacrifice Dar so that his father King Zed would have no heir...and the evil priest Maax (pronounced may-axe..and played by Rip Torn) could take power with his ultimate cult of evil. (I guess kings never had secret service protection back in the day) Dar is saved however....and taken in by a bunch of kind villagers. Sounds like the typical fantasy crap right?....Ah....but the plot thickens.

You see...because he was born from a cow's womb...Dar grows up and finds out that he can communicate with all creatures in the animal kingdom telepathically....it doesn't make any sense...but come on...it's fantasy! After years of living peacefully, Dar's village is attacked and destroyed by a race of barbarians known as the Jun-Horde...that wouldn't you know...is controlled by Maax. Dar survives the massacre because the movie would just end if he didn't...and sets out on a quest for revenge and possibly a reclamation of his birth right.

Along the way he befriends a hawk, a couple of ferrets, and a black dyed tiger. Each of them contribute to the smiting of evil. The hawk can scout out miles ahead....and he can link up and see through its eyes. The ferrets can sneak around and steal keys from clueless guards...and the tiger can kill, eat, and shit out on a log anybody dumb enough to fuck with a tiger.

He meets some human allies as well.....the warrior Seth (John Amos from Good Times) and his young friend Tal (nobody special)...who happens to have some family ties with Dar. Throw in sexy red headed Kiri (Tanya Roberts..from that 70's show) who knows how to break into Maax's castle....and you have a youself a nice little fantasy fondue.

This movie had this kind of dark cool vibe to it. Rip Torn was a menacing villain.....there were witches that could walk up walls and turn dudes into evil leather clad S&M zombies by shoving glow worms in their ears. Our heroes also had to deal with the barbarian Jun army and these strange winged monsters who could snare a person...eat them...and crap them out into green foam. All worthy adversaries for Dar to go up against.

Marc Singer does the job well as Dar. He buffed up for the part and has cool 80's feathered hair. Along with his trusty sword and animal companions...he also has this razor boomerang thingy that he tosses around and causes mayhem with....I always wanted one...but they never had them at K-mart.

"The Beastmaster" rises to the cream of the fantasy crop. Easily one of my favorites that I enjoy even as an adult. Don't stick this one in a cow's womb and sacrafice it to your evil diety of choice...it's surprisingly good fantasy fluff!

Understanding the Icons: Contemporary American Film

I've spent a lot of time on this site talking about foreign films. I've waxed poetic on German, Japanese, Korean, Chinese and Spanish films, with, if memory serves, only two American offerings. However, if you read my Gran Torino review, I think you could see my deep appreciation for the American Icon. And by writing this, I want to expand on the idea that American film has carved itself a huge piece of cinema history.


Let me start by describing one of the reasons our films have hit such a nerve with people all over the world. If you ever travel abroad, there might be a situation where you're talking shop with a film lover of another country. You might start by mentioning local directors, or what's hot at the moment. But as the conversation progresses, you find yourself digging into movies where you don't even have to mention their names to get a tremendous response from them. You might say something like, "Have you ever seen any of the Rambo..." "Ah, Rambo!" would be the response from the man of foreign persuasion, before you were even allowed to finish your sentence. He would then make a knife-jabbing motion with his hands, smile with that shit-eating grin that only someone who's seen something way too many times could make, and then give you the thumbs up. Good times.


That's what I mean when I say the American Icon. The actors or characters that don't need an introduction, no matter where you happen to be. The movies that, after you finished watching them as a kid, you would immediately head to the back yard to re-enact your favorite scenes, yelling and screaming while running back and forth with a stick or a piece of plastic as a substitute for whatever the famous weapon of choice might have been. This is what I point to when film snobs tell me American movies suck, and I'm not cultured enough to appreciate the finer things in life. Fuck you, my friend, where have you been for the last 30 years?


And with that sentiment laid out on the table, I'd like to present my case for understanding the great American Icons of the last few decades, and why they're still relevant today. I'll start moving forward chronologically, so as not to disturb the memories any of these characters or movies might hold for whoever decides to read this. I'd also like you to make note that you've probably already seen all of the movies I'm going to bring up. Otherwise, there's no point in writing this, and I can go back to watching my Ingmar Bergman box set, thank you very much. And if I miss something, it's not a slight, unless you bring up a movie so obscure or out-dated that Clint would happily tell you to get off his lawn.

Dirty Harry

Harry Callahan made being a loose cannon of a cop cool. The way he walked around with his shades on, telling people to make his day before blowing a hole in their chest will always hold a place in the hall of greatness. Say what you will about the sequels, but as a persona, Dirty Harry embodied the American bad-ass for over a decade. Personally, I hold the Dollars trilogy in the same high regard, but as a whole I'm guessing Harry Callahan holds a bigger place in peoples' hearts. Regardless, the films are classics, and nobody will tell you any different.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones was my hero for a long time, and he still is. Harrison Ford oozed charisma every time he moved or spoke, and he almost made me take up archaeology. If, in reality, that profession was the same as an Indiana Jones movie, there would be a lot more archaeologists, and the world would be a lot more awesome. By day he would fight the Nazis and take all their shit, and at night he would bed the women I lusted after. Yes, I wished I was Indy, but who wouldn't? They jumped the shark with the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but I blame that on the good ol' Lucas Curse, and not the character becoming stale. Seriously, fuck George Lucas. But that's a tale for another day. Right now, I simply can't tell you how much of an influence Harrison Ford had on every other high adventure film to be made after 1981.

First Blood

John Rambo was a loner, a survivor, and a distraught human being. I greatly sympathized with him as the po-dunk police parade tried to shit on his homecoming party. However, that was alleviated when he drove spikes through the knees of one of those assholes. He had it coming. Of the movies I've mentioned so far, this is by far the most serious. But it handles itself with class, and still holds up as one of the greatest action movies ever made. I really wish Stallone would have made more out of his career with more than just Rambo and Rocky, but as of late he's redeeming himself with damn fine resurgences of both franchises. Not much else to say about Rambo, except that I wear a bandana to sleep every night.

The Terminator

Much more could be said of Arnold Schwarzenegger's career, but to me, his defining moments are still encapsulated in the T-800 model terminator. In the original movie, he was the stuff of nightmares. His glowing red eyes would haunt my dreams for years, and I thanked God I was not the mother of the leader of the resistance meant to combat a robot apocalypse. In the sequel, he was the greatest ally you will ever know, as long as you gave him your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle. His strength and loyalty would never be broken, and the human race always stood a chance as long as he was around. Many would try to duplicate his on-screen badassery, including the third Terminator movie, but they all ultimately fail, and bow down to the greatness that is James Cameron's vision of our possible future.



There are more to speak of, for sure, but I think I've made my case for the American Icon thus far. People will be quoting lines from these movies until the end of time, and I'll take this opportunity to pride myself in being born in the country where these epic tales originated. That's all I have, and I can think of nothing more apropos than to end with the truth: I'll be back.

Anime Afterthoughts - Satoshi Kon, Round 1

If you've never watched any anime before, it's hard to say where you should start. A huge majority of them fall under one category, and if all you've been exposed to is the usual shonen fare, I could forgive you if you tipped your hat and said "Good day, sir." There's a place for everything, and I happen to enjoy the occasional fluff, but that's not why I'm here with you now.


Satoshi Kon's body of work is so far removed from the adolescent male oriented, action heavy serials that it's almost a genre of its own. His movies have depth and meaning that rival anything Hollywood has to offer, and in a lot of cases, surpasses them. In this first round of conversation, I'll talk about two of his films: Perfect Blue and Paprika. While they're both wildly different in plot, their executions do bare a similarity, which I'll touch on in a moment. So without further adieu, I give you two examples of Satoshi Kon's excellence in anime:

Perfect Blue

Mima is part of a J-pop girl trio, who sing about the usual J-pop girl trio stuff, such as love, finding happiness, believing in yourself, yadda-yadda. But early on in the film, she decides she's had enough of repeating silly choruses and making cute faces, and decides to give acting a shot. She wants to be considered a serious actress, so she sets out to land a role on a murder mystery tv show. She gets the part, but one of the requirements is the inclusion of a rape scene, and her publicist/agent is none to happy about it. She agrees to do it anyways, but the ramifications are abrupt and unsettling. The ghost of her old self starts appearing to her, and she begins drifting in and out of a dream-like state, unsure of who she really is.


Throw into the mix a psychotic stalker who seems to be hanging around just about everywhere Mima goes, and you've got yourself a damn fine drama. I've seen comparisons made of this film to David Lynch, but honestly, Perfect Blue is much easier to digest than the "what the fuck is going on?" style Lynch is so fond of. However, there will be times you're not sure exactly what's really happening and what's in Mima's own mind. It's just not so damned out in space about it. Perfect Blue is really worth checking out, and I recommend viewing it at least twice before coming to any solid conclusions about the film's turn of events.

Paprika

Paprika starts off inside the mind of a man. In his dream, he shifts between a circus, a scene out of From Russia With Love, a Tarzan movie, and finally something from his own past. When he wakes up, we find out that his dreams are being monitored and recorded by a device called the DC Mini. The purpose of this device is to help therapists and psychologists better understand the minds of their patients. A noble effort, indeed, but soon after the therapy session, a DC Mini is stolen and all hell breaks loose. You see, the device that was stolen had no security protection installed, and whoever operates it can go in and out of the dreams of whoever is using a DC Mini. As more and more people start going insane, it's up to the creators of the DC Mini to find the thief and undo whatever damage they did.


Apart from the great story, the visuals become more and more stunning as the dreams of many people begin to mix and grow. There's a character in the film who, if they were ever to do a live-action adaptation(I hope they don't), should be played by Max Von Sydow. The resemblance is uncanny, and you could compare the character to Von Sydow's Burgess in Minority Report. It's a fun ride, and has the added bonus of making you think about the ramifications of technology on society.

As I said before, these films share a common trait: the blending of reality and dreams. They handle it in vastly different ways, and it's a testament to the brilliance of Satoshi Kon that he's able to make two films about the same subject, yet come away with pieces that stand on their own two feet.


In the next installment, we'll have a look at Satoshi's Millenium Actress and Tokyo Godfathers. So let me know what you think of Perfect Blue and Paprika, and hopefully you'll stick around for round 2 of Anime Afterthoughts, unless you've gone on a Miyazaki binge or something. Which again, I could forgive you for.

Some people don't like reading subtitles. I'd like to help.

I can understand why subtitles can be a barrier for entry some people just can't get over. You don't read them fast enough, and by the time you figure out what the hell's going on, you've missed the next three scenes of the movie. I feel your pain, and I'd like to make a few recommendations that might accustom you to the multi-tasked requirement of watching foreign films. These few selections are either light on story and someone will get punched in a few seconds anyways, or the pacing is such that you won't be hitting rewind after every scene.

Anything by Jackie Chan

All of his movies pretty much rely on his stunt work and acrobatics, and the plots are usually throwaways. Not every time, but you can usually count on him to slide down the side of a building, through a ring of fire down onto a bed of coals, then proceed to drop-kick someone through a pane of glass into a display made entirely of Legos. And 90 percent of the time his character's name is Jackie. Go figure.


PTU: Police Tactical Unit

A Chinese film by director Johnnie To, it's about a dipshit detective who loses his gun one night while he's out being a dipshit. His Police Tactical Unit friends decide to help him save face, so they go on the hunt for the missing firearm. Things happen at a slow enough pace to where you should be able to keep up, but it doesn't drag or make you spill your beer in your lap from falling asleep.


Ichi the Killer

Welcome to the batshit-insane world of Takashi Miike. Ichi the Killer is a Japanese yakuza film, and in it you'll find tongue removing, hot oil(or something) being poured on someone's back, limbs being heinously sliced, and so much more over-the-top craziness I can't list it all off the top of my head.


Pan's Labyrinth

From the director of Hellboy, this Spanish drama centers around a young girl trying to cope with family situations while in the midst of an on-going war. It has the same visual flair of Hellboy, but it's a lot richer in content. If you like anything by Guillermo Del Toro, I guarantee you'll enjoy this.


Nosferatu

The remake by Warner Herzog of the black and white classic. If you find black and white silent films are just not your bag, then definitely give this a try. It stays within the general story arch of the original, while adding a little more character depth. And if you haven't seen anything by Warner Herzog, this is as good a place to start as any. He's done so much shit, it's almost unbelievable.

And so ends my recommendations for the subtitle-handicapped among you. I hope you give these a try, and who knows, you might start to find some really good films as a result. Happy hunting!

Movie Review - Downfall (2004)

It's easy for us now to look back at the Second World War and point out how much of an evil, despicable person Adolf Hitler was. So obvious, in fact, that you might find yourself wondering how a man like that could even come into power. If you haven't read a lot of WWII history, it's a hard thing to understand. You look at the state of the world now, with its Kim Jong-Ills and Osama Bin-Ladens, and it seems, for the most part, that there are clearly defined "bad guys." But you should realize that back when Hitler forced his way into power, Germany was in a state of shock. No one knew what the future held, and fear of a continued landslide after WWI was foremost on the minds of its citizens. That's how Hitler was able to get his foot in the door -- by promising to rebuild Germany to its former glory. He was a powerful orator, and his speeches resonated with many, many people who just wanted something to believe in. A lot of these people weren't evil; they were simply mislead by a figure who took his opportunity to mold a frightened country into what he saw fit.


Traudl Junge(Alexandra Maria Lara) was one of those people. She was a secretary of Hitler's, and she accompanied him in the bunker that served as the last holdout of the Nazi party. The film opens with an interview with the real-life Traudl, and in it she expresses her regret for not figuring out Hitler's true motivations and plans. She applied for her secretarial job along with a bunch of other girls who all acted like they were auditioning for a movie role. Their excitement was genuine, but I really don't think these girls knew what the hell was going on. It illustrates the power someone could hold over impressionable youths, cause be damned. All they knew was that Adolf Hitler was an important man -- a man who was going to change the face of Germany forever.


The beginning of the actual film sees Russian troops rapidly closing in on a war-torn Berlin. The Nazis are scrambling, desperately trying to find something they can salvage from their failed attempt at world domination. Some want to negotiate a treaty with the Allied Forces, while others view that as defeat -- something their proud egos would not allow. Hitler was one of those men. While he demanded his armies continue fighting, he nevertheless ordered the evacuation and transfer of their headquarters into his bunker, where he would hold out as long as long as he could. This is where most of the movie takes place; as the war rages outside its walls, Hitler commands what little he has left at his disposal, seemingly unable to see the obvious defeat looming at his doorstep. He barks orders, rages at the incompetence of his commanding officers, and even has a party -- if more than a little subdued -- for his 56th birthday.


And it's in this context you see his madness consuming him. His anger and frustration boil over into uncontrollable rage at times, but he won't allow for any sort of compromise. He bases his command decisions on non-existent troops, and generally acts like the war is still theirs to lose. These are all examples of how this film shows Hitler to be a human being, not the larger than life monster he will forever be known as. He also shows warmth and affection towards others, and you get just a glimpse of why those surrounding him would choose to follow him so blindly.


Among those people was Magda Goebbels, wife to Joseph Goebbels, one of Hitlers closest friends and Reich Minister. After ( spoiler!! ) Hitler's suicide, there's an extremely powerful scene in which she decides the fate of her six children, and the depth of her convictions are made despairingly apparent. Downfall is full of like moments, and I can't help but feel what it was like to be part of their hopelessly lost cause. It's a strange thing to relate to people who committed blatent attrocities, but such is the power of film. I would obviously not consider myself an admirer, but thanks to Oliver Hirschbiegel, I at least have another perspective as to how Hitler wrestled his way into the hearts and minds of so many.


What's that, you ask? Yes, Hirschbiegel did direct the god-awful The Invasion, the latest reincarnation of the classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I think it's safe to say most foreign directors make the most out of their talents when making movies in their native countries. Because, wow, The Invasion was a filmic abortion if I ever saw one. Downfall, on the other hand, is worthwhile for anyone who has a remote interest in WWII history, Hitler, or great dramas in general.

The best of 80's fantasy part 1 - The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

In the 80's fantasy movies about barbarians wielding huge swords and rescuing scantily clad maidens were all the rage. If I couldn't see them at the theater...then you can be sure that I was staying up late and trying to get a peak at all of them on cable. Some of these movies were actually pretty good...while others were complete crap. I'll try and focus on some of the ones that I remember fondly from the good ole days.....like 1982's "The Sword and the Sorcerer."

While definitely not an amazing film by any stretch....it's still a very entertaining guilty pleasure of the genre. Played mostly for laughs....the plot is about a young Prince named Talon as he quests for vengeance against the evil King Cromwell (Richard Lynch...who has never played a nice guy) the man responsible for the murder of his parents. Cromwell took the throne away from Talon's father by force and has ruled the kingdom with an iron fist ever since. He had a little help from a sorcerer named Xusia (Richard Moll...who played Bull in the sitcom Night Court) who he then double crosses and leaves for dead.

I don't really need to say anything else about plot...because really...who cares. All you need to know is that there are many nude women....and battles galore as the older Talon (Lee Horsely...who the hell knows who he is....I think he had a tv show once) goes after Cromwell with his mighty three bladed sword of doom that shoots its blades at people. In the end...blood is spilled...kingdoms are won....and wenches are pleasured. Unfortunately the DVD is out of print...but hopefully with the recent news that a sequel is being filmed ( Tales of an Ancient Empire...it was promised at the end of the movie) will spark enough interest for a re release.
Check it out and have a glass of fine wine with this cheddar.

Movie Review - Heavenly Creatures (1994)

"I worship the power of these lovely two
With that adoring love known to so few
'Tis indeed a miracle, one must feel,
That two such heavenly creatures are real"

Before I write a review, I always remind myself of my own little cardinal rule: no spoilers. As with anything in life, there are always exceptions to every rule. Heavenly Creatures is one such exception. Knowing the history of events this film is based on won't necessarily grant you any special insights into its subject matter. What I find most intriguing is the fact that everything really happened. These people are real, and the unspeakable act they committed was real.


On June 22nd, 1954, Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme murdered Pauline's mother, Honora by bludgeoning her to death with a brick stuffed in a stocking. During their murder trial, Pauline's diary was used as evidence against them, and direct quotes were used from the diary in this film(and in the excerpt above).


Heavenly Creatures sticks closely to the facts about the girls' lives leading up to the murder, but Peter Jackson still found a way to keep his unique visual flair intact. And leave it to him to make me laugh by having a man made of clay stab Pauline's therapist through the stomach with a giant sword. By the virtue of the girls' shared fantasies, the film has a dream-like quality at times, and it clashes directly with reality when Pauline(Melanie Lynskey) and Juliet(Kate Winslet) are forced to leave their fantasy worlds. Both girls were sick a lot growing up, and their sicknesses were what initially bonded them together when they met after Juliet transferred into Pauline's school. Their friendship started normally enough, with them playing in the woods and listening to records together. Then they began writing stories -- originally under the guise of a class assignment -- but those fictionalized places and people gradually intertwined with, and eventually consumed, their own lives. Noticing their odd behavior, the girls' parents thought it wise to seperate them, which only served as fuel to their increasingly heated fire. Not able to stand being forced apart, Pauline wrote in her diary a plan to kill her mother and escape with Juliet to America, where they would publish their stories and become famous actresses.

"Both sets of eyes, though different far, hold many mysteries strange
Impassively they watch the race of man decay and change
Hatred burning bright in the brown eyes with enemies for fuel
icy scorn glitters in the gray eyes, contemptuous and cruel
Why are men such fools they will not realize
the wisdom that is hidden behind those strange eyes.

And these wonderful people are you and I."

That's the story in a nutshell, but what I really liked about the film was the way Peter Jackson blended reality with the girls' fantasies. They both liked to make clay sculptures of their imaginary people, and there are several scenes of the girls interacting with the sculptures come to life. I don't know what they used for makeup, but they looked just like life-sized clay people, and it was pretty damn creepy yet cool to see. But then I remember these fantasies were how they coped with their dissatisfaction with life, and eventually led them to plotting and committing murder. I can't say I sympathized with them -- Pauline especially, because at least in the film, her parents seemed like nice, normal people. But the film shows how they perceived things in such a way that I can almost understand why they did what they did. Their grasp of reality deteriorated to the point where their own happiness meant everything, and they saw other people as nothing more than obstacles in their way of attaining it.


While a film could easily be made about the murder and its after-effects, that's not what Peter Jackson was really interested in with this film. I viewed it as a descent into madness, where irrational thought is made rational by a shared delusion of sick minds. While researching the actual events, I learned that Pauline and Juliet only served five years in prison, and Juliet actually went on to become a best-selling author of murder mysteries(under a new name, of course). Like I said, knowing any of these facts isn't required before watching this film. But for film buffs like myself, it makes it that much more interesting.

Movie Review - Near Dark (1987)

Ladies always seem to love the bad boy in town....you know...the one in the rock band...or the guy who has been to jail a couple of times for pedaling dope. It seems that nice guys...do in fact finish last. Caleb is one of those nice guys. He spends his days working on his father's farm and the nights cruising for girls in the streets of the podunk Oklahoma town where his family lives. He's probably one of those guys that would eventually marry the first gal who gives him a friendly glance...have a bunch of kids...and spend the rest of his days on the farm...never to venture too far outside the county lines. But a strange thing happens to Caleb on his way to obscurity.....a beautiful stranger named Mae visits the local DQ on a lonely summer night and turns his world upside down.

In an unusual reversal of roles...Mae is the bad girl....and she just happens to be looking for a strapping nice young man like Caleb. She's not really bad by choice...more by circumstance. The two hook up and all seems to be going well for Caleb. They spend the pre-dawn hours hanging out and flirting nicely, but then Mae gives him a bloody peck on the neck and runs off into the dark. Now things really heat up.....literally! You see...Mae has a supernatural curse that causes her to have an unhealthy appetite for human blood (I guess there's not really a healthy one) and when the sun is out...she'll also catch on fire and explode. By biting Caleb...Mae has bequethed to him this wonderful gift. Now with the morning sun blazing overhead...Caleb suddenly has a burning sensensation worse than any case of clap in recorded history. He stumbles out of his pick up on the way home...body smoldering...his father and sister see him and notice something is not right...but before they can help...he is whisked away from behind in a speeding winnebago. Welcome to your new family Caleb!

Caleb suddenly finds himself in the company of other cursed individuals. There's the leader Jesse (Lance Henrickson)... the leather clad biker type from hell Severen (the great Bill Paxton) and also a mothering figure named Diamondback (Jenette Goldstein...all you need to know is that she was Vasquez in James Cameron's Aliens). Normally they would just kill and eat a guy like Caleb...but they see that the curse is making its way into his body....and for some reason...they don't kill their own.....they just indocrinate them into their motley crew. The curse also keeps a person from aging which is why the little brother of the group Homer (Joshua Miller...he was in River's Edge) never appears to get any older even though he is well into his golden years by human standards. From here on...Caleb needs to learn to live constantly on the run as they do....they are the last of their kind...they are constantly hunted....and their only requirement for nourishment is human flesh and blood. Will Caleb's attraction to Mae motivate him to get up and go along....or will he seek an opportunity to leave the bloodthirsty outlaws and reunite with his father and sister who are in hot pursuit? It's one hell of a ride finding out!

One of the greatest overlooked horror films of the 80's now seems to be finding its stride a couple of decades later. Many viewings on VHS, cable, and now DVD have put "Near Dark" into cult status. It's a horror movie....road movie...western...love story...what more could you ask for in your entertainment? Take notice of the best set piece in the movie that has the gang slaughtering a bunch of rednecks in a dive bar...Bill Paxton chews the scenery and the customers here! There's also a shootout with the cops and an attempt to cure the curse with blood letting...pure genre bliss! Director Kathryn Bigelow never soared higher than with "Near Dark" although I do take guilty pleasure in her greatest movie about bank robbing surfers ever "Point Break."

One of the best things about this film......is that never once do they use the word "vampire" to explain their condition. That's why I never used it in this review.....oh shit...I just did.

Movie Review - Gran Torino (2008)

Gran Torino marks the return of Clint Eastwood. Not that he'd gone anywhere in the last couple of decades, but there's a whole generation of people who don't know Clint like I do. Of all the things one might think of when his name is mentioned, my mind always returns to the same image -- that of a music box. And inside my head, time slows to a crawl. I can hear the softly-sweet melody echoing through its mechanisms, and suddenly I know of nothing else. The rest of the world seems to melt away, and as its cadence begins to slow, I can feel my heart thumping in my chest and my palms beginning to sweat. Because once that music box ceases to lull me into a waking sleep, I know I'm a dead man.


Moments like that, and many others like it, are the reason I've missed Clint Eastwood. Don't get me wrong; he's a very good director, and I enjoy the films he's helmed quite a bit. But ever since Unforgiven, his Western magnum opus, I've been yearning for one last, great Clint movie. That's why I went into Gran Torino with such high hopes. So high, in fact, that it was almost certain I would be disappointed on some level. Yet somehow, Clint knew what I was thinking. He knew what I wanted so badly to see. Even if his exaggerated character has been toned down and, thankfully, made more realistic, you still know the man starring in Gran Torino is not one with whom you want to fuck. That's all I asked of him, and his answer was nothing short of amazing.


From the first shots of Clint sitting around his house, drinking a cold Pabst, you instantly understand his character. Retired and grieving over the recent loss of his wife, Clint's Walt Kowalski just wants to be left alone. Being a Korean war vet, he still harbors demons from his past and resents the gradual influx of Asian communities making a home in what used to be a predominantely white neighborhood. I'll get this out of the way now: this movie contains, bar none, the highest rate of per-sentence racial slurs I've ever heard. And I'll admit it -- I haven't laughed so hard with a drama in quite some time. The distinction here is laughing with, not at it. It's genuinely hilarious to hear him spout every name you could think of for an Asian person, to their face, like it was their first name. But you soon realize he's not a stone-cold racist, and he doesn't hate all Asian people with any imaginable passion. Once he gets to know the people surrounding him, he befriends them, and it's obvious he cares very much for their well-being.



The plot centers around Walt's neighbors and a kid named Thao who's being pressured to join a local gang. Their initiation requires him to steal Walt's prized Gran Torino, and needless to say, Walt isn't having any of that. Subsequently, the kid's family makes him apologize to Walt, and offers him as a worker to do whatever Walt needs done around the house. It's through this arrangement that the two become friends, and Walt decides to stop the gang from ever bothering Thao again. Walt's gradual change in attitude toward Thao and his family is a thing of beauty. No revelation is forced upon him that instantly makes him see anyone in a different light. You simply watch the more human, caring side of him emerge as he becomes closer with the people he spends his days with. But it's in trying to help Thao escape his possible gang involvement that he escalates the situation far beyond what anyone expected. The events that take place from this point on are where you get to see those glimpses of the old Clint. Without spoiling anything, someone's face definately gets beaten to a pulp.


But the most rewarding parts of this film aren't about violence. Instead, they're about the consequences of it. How far would you go to excercise your demons and protect someone you care about? This is a question asked with a deft hand, but the answer shouldn't be pondered until you've experienced everything the film has to offer. Another striking thing I should remark on is the supporting cast. I don't know the details, but it seems that the filmmakers decided to go with non-professional actors to fill out the roles surrounding Clint's. I think it created a sense of gravitas to their performances, and they felt like real people instead of actors playing a part. And there's something to be said for choosing authenticity over polished line readings when the occasion calls for it.


If Clint were to ever win a Best Actor Oscar, it should be for this film. He grunts and growls in typical Clint fashion, but underneath he displays the subtle emotions necessary to give a firmly believable and heart-felt performance. And with the film opening wide at the top of the box office, it's clear I'm not the only Clint Eastwood fan left in the world. Does he, at 78, still have room for one more great, shining moment? Clint knows your question.


And you shouldn't have to ask.

Movie Review - The Wrestler (2008)

I have a confession to make...I used to be a huge fan of professional wrestling. Growing up as a child in the 80's my heroes were all speedo clad gladiators with names like Hercules or Macho Man, and every week in front of nationally televised audiences....they would enter the squared circle and battle their most despised foes. Some were good guys...some were villains...all were "characters" with larger than life personalities and bodies to match (I'm sure the steroids helped). They played out the most manly of soap operas for the screaming fans who cheered them to legendary heights. Darren Aronofsky's "The Wrestler" is the tale of a warrior whose greatest match will not be with some guy in silly tights...but with the very legend that he created.

Mickey Rourke is Randy "The Ram" Robinson...and during his career as a professional wrestler....he has been to the top of the mountain. His physical exploits would sell out arenas all over America and his mug adorned action figures, t-shirts, and video games. He had it all...fame...fortune...and groupies to boot. But nothing lasts forever...and over the years Randy's stock has fallen to the bottom of the wrestling barrel.

Fighting for chump change at local gymnasiums and VFW halls, he barely makes enough to rent a shit hole trailer where he lives in Jersey. Randy works out every day...keeps his hair bleached blonde...and has his fake tan applied all in the name of keeping the legend of "The Ram" alive for the few fans that still care. We never really find out what happened to his fortune, but an addiction to pain killers and other illegal substances required to sustain the body of a man who still wrestles in his fifties probably had something to do with it. Ram doesn't have many friends other than a few local kids and an aging stripper named Cassidy (Marisa Tomei) that he visits regularly as a paying customer. He also has a daughter that he abandoned years ago who wants nothing to do with him. Randy basically carves out a lonely brutal existence from day to day...and I do mean brutal!

You can say wrestling is fake...and if by fake you mean that the choreography and outcome of the matches are all pre-determined....then you are correct. But realize that from the most elite pro-wrestling organizations on down to the lesser known ones...these guys beat the hell out one another for the sport they love. Randy participates in an extreme match that involves bitch slapping, barbed wire, ladders, and staple guns...yes you heard that last one correctly! It's bloody as hell and will have you squirming in your chair. After this match....he suffers a massive heart attack that nearly kills him. The aftermath of his bout with death suddenly takes the center stage.

The legend is over...but the man remains standing. The doctors tell him his wrestling days are done and continuing would be suicide. Can Randy live out his days as a normal person? You wonder if he has a chance at a real intimate relationship. Cassidy typically views him only as a customer, but she knows they also have a lot in common. As a stripper...she is getting too old to play her "character" of seductress to younger men. What does a man whose only skill is pounding other men senselessly do to earn a living? Cassidy suggests a reconciliation with his daughter might help ease the burden, but will she welcome him back into her life? From this point, Randy needs to make a choice....be the man....or be "The Ram." The choice isn't easy. A reunion match with an old nemesis presents an opportunity to regain lost glory and a hefty payday. The legend is over.....but not dead.

This is now my favorite Mickey Rourke role. He kind of has a strange real life parallel with "The Ram." Once considered one of the most attractive talents in Hollywood....his career took a downturn after a flirtation with professional boxing and a bad facelift. It's great to see him give a heartfelt performance that will be sure to send him back to A-list status. If you are a fan of Aronofsky's "Requiem for a Dream" but disappointed by "The Fountain".....fear not....because "The Wrestler" will give you plenty of reasons to....BE EXCITED.....BE....BE....EXCITED!

Paul Newman : A Life Worth Remembering.

Once in a great while, an actor comes along whose talent not only makes them famous, but when it's all said and done, defines an era. With a career that spanned fifty( ! ) years, Paul Newman has taken his much deserved place among the list of movie giants. The first film I ever saw of his was The Color of Money. I thought Tom Cruise was great, but "Fast" Eddie Felson was the real anchor of the film. It lived and breathed with him. I hadn't seen The Hustler at the time, so I didn't have the same appreciation for the character I have now, but I knew I was watching a legend at work. Over the years, I've seen him inhabit the roles destined for greatness; the ones that another fifty years from now will still be watched and studied in film classes all over the world. He's worked with the likes of Alfred Hitchcock, George Roy Hill, Sidney Lumet, Martin Scorsese, the Coen brothers -- the list goes on and on. His filmography reads like a greatest hits of the last half-century, and I feel priveliged to be able to say I was alive when one of history's greatest talents was still working. And while his passing was sad, indeed, it affords me the honor of going back through the years and showcasing those films that left such an indelible impression on me. And with that said, I present just a handful of his greatest moments in the hope that someone new to his body of work can find and appreciate it.

Somebody Up There Likes Me (1956)

In his first real breakout role, Paul Newman plays Rocky Graziano, a street punk turned professional boxer. James Dean originally had the role, but his death opened the door for Newman to take it and make it his own. And he did just that, playing Graziano as a right bastard of a kid who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He gets into fights, runs from the cops, and basically tries really hard to piss off anyone within earshot. Eventually, through all his antics and jail stints, he winds up enlisted in the military. Not being one to handle authority very well, he goes A.W.O.L., and after picking up a few low-paying boxing fights for a time, gets thrown back in jail for desertion. It's from that point on Graziano matures a bit and tries to make a name for himself with his fists. The acting of the supporting cast isn't universally great, but the story and the fact that it's based on a real person more than hold it above water. Newman does some great character work in this film, and it paved the way for this next selection, made three years later.

The Young Philadelphians (1959)

Much is made about Capra films and how they teach moral lessons everyone can learn from. But while Capra prefers to use a sledgehammer, this film employs the strokes of a paintbrush. Newman's Anthony Lawrence is a law student from a good family, whose working his way through college and, eventually, up to practicing with a law firm. He's a genuinely good person, and all throughout his college and early career, we see him try to help his friends with whatever they need while not resorting to dirty chess, as they say. But everything he's worked so hard for is challenged when someone he cares about gets into serious trouble. Suffice it to say he's thrust into a make-or-break case, and his career -- his life -- are at risk. This is one of my favorite early Paul Newman films, for several reasons. His subtlety is on full display, if that makes any sense, and the story is gripping and heartfelt the entire way. There's not one big, moral decision to ponder; his everyday life is filled with small choices that, as he continues making them, flesh out his character and add genuine heft to the dark road he has to travel across. Highly recommended.

Pocket Money (1972)

Pocket Money is the story of Jim(Newman), a broke but honest cowboy, and Leonard(Lee Marvin), his hustler friend. Needing money, they make a deal with a shady character to heard some cattle across the country. They find out just how shady their new business partner is when they start bringing the cattle, but promises made to them aren't exactly honored. The film mostly concerns itself with watching Jim and Leonard try to buy the cattle, find places to keep and transport them, and get back to collect their hard-earned checks. Newman and Marvin make a fantastic duo, and Marvin gets most of the film's funniest bits. The way he talks to and about other people is hilarious a lot of the time, while Newman plays it more straight. It's definitely not a heavy piece, but it's fun and you're always waiting for the next thing to go wrong for these guys.

Slap Shot (1977)

Where to start with Slap Shot? The Hansons!!! Newman is Reggie Dunlop, an aging player-coach for a hockey team facing dismantlement. As they travel to and from games, he tells the players that the team is close to being bought out so as to keep their spirits high and their game sharp. It's a comedy, and most of it comes in the form of the Hanson brothers, a trio of hockey thugs brought in to crush some skulls. I won't ruin any of their moments, but every time they're on screen, it's classic. Newman is fantastic as well, playing a man whose only way of existing is about to collapse from under him. He hides the truth from his players and from himself as well, because he knows what it would mean for their lives and for the town that supports them. This is one of the all-time great sports movies, and regardless if you're a fan of hockey or not, I guarantee you'll like this film.

Road to Perdition (2002)

In his last great role, Newman plays John Rooney, the patriarch of a 1940's-era Irish mob family. The story centers around Tom Hanks' character and his son as they try to find a solution to a fatal problem. Hanks is part of the mob, and when his son accidentally sees something he shouldn't have, he takes him on the road as a way of buying some time for them to figure out what their options are. While Newman isn't in the movie a whole lot, the scenes he's in are the most moving and brutally honest in the whole film. When he and Hanks sit down to play the piano together, it's like time stops and allows the moment to linger, knowing the possibility of what is to come. It's amazing to see him, after all these years, still able to command attention whenever he's on screen. It's a fantastic send-off to a brilliant career.


Before I'm done, I want to briefly mention the kind of person Paul Newman was. It's obvious with all the work he's done and money he's raised for charity that his intentions were never for himself. His generosity has helped a lot of people, and his legacy will live on. It's sad to lose someone who had so much to give to the world, but it's a blessing that we can remember who he was and what he accomplished with his life.


There are so many important films I didn't cover in the preceeding paragraphs, but my goal wasn't to write a laundry list of his films. Instead, I wanted to show a glimpse of what his diversity and range truly entailed. I'm sure you've never seen at least one of these films, and if reading this inspires you to seek it out, then I've accomplished what I set out to do. It's almost hard to believe it, but there are people who have never even heard of Paul Newman. He ranks among the upper echaelon of legendary artists, yet to some, his name doesn't ring a bell. So yes, almost selfishly, I want you to watch at least one Paul Newman film. Or maybe take a film class at a college somewhere -- I'm sure they could point him out to you.

An old Denver tradition...

I always hear about how "The Alamo Drafthouse" in Austin Texas is the greatest place to see a movie in the world. It has a rabid fanbase that caters to almost everything a film-geek could ever want. Admittedly I'm a little jealous, but we've got something pretty awesome here in the rockies for the celluloid faithful. "The Mayan"!

Located in central Denver, "The Mayan" boasts the finest offerings in independent film. It's not the most comfortable way to see a movie. The local mega-plex offers ample parking and those big comfy stadium chairs, but there is a certain magic that happens once you fight the traffic and make the effort a trip to "The Mayan" requires. The lights go dark and you realize you are about to watch an unusual film in a theater full of like minded film buffs. Bliss!

Originally built in the 1930's, it has one main auditorium sporting the Art Deco Mayan Revival art style it was named after and two smaller theaters on the second floor. You can enjoy an adult beverage in the cafe, or go visit one of the many neighboring bars and restaurants afterwards. The entire street it's located on is chock full of interesting vintage clothing stores and art galleries to get your culture on. "The Mayan" also has something "The Drafthouse" does not....it has remained in the original building since opening decades ago which only adds to the cool factor. Suddenly I realize...I'm not so jealous anymore!

Movie Review - Contempt (1963)

"'The cinema,' said André Bazin, 'substitutes for our gaze a world more in harmony with our desires.' Contempt is a story of that world."

This quote is recited to us during the opening of Contempt, a film by the oft-heralded Jean-luc Godard. We are meant to be shown an intertwining of reality and what we wish was real. If wishes were in the business of coming to life, this would be a great work of biting criticism of writers, film itself, and the way we interact with each other. In reality, I don't know what the fuck I just watched.


I'll be up front with the fact I didn't make it to the end of this film. The events that transpire in the last 20 minutes will never be known to me, unless I decide to masochistically view it for the sake of my readership. What I can comment on, however, is the hour and twenty minutes I had the privilege of yawning through watching. I understand the concept of blending fact and fiction. I get that sometimes the best way to illustrate a point is to use a film as a giant metaphor. Other movies have done this much better. But the characters in this film are bi-polar. I could never tell what parts of their dialogue were fact and what was meant to make a larger point.


During one scene that starts off normal enough, the couple who Godard tries to pass off as the main characters in the film are talking on a boat. A few seconds go by, and then we see the camera filming them. We see the set, complete with a director, assistants and film equipment. It's all well and good if I understand what Godard's going for, but I don't know if I'm watching the actors in the film play themselves acting in this movie, or I'm supposed to think their life is the movie. Or something. At this point, the film makes no fucking sense and I just don't give a shit anymore. If Godard really wanted to condemn the film industry for not having the creative balls to make high art, then way to go, jackass. You made a shitty high art film that makes me want to watch The Mummy Returns instead.

This is the scene where Brigitte Bardot wonders where the fuck her movie went.

Requiring the audience to work to understand the full meaning of your film is a noble cause. Making fun of them for doing so isn't. It's Godard's version of pretentiousness that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and if I didn't know better, a distorted view of French New Wave. But before you lambaste me for not understanding French cinema, I should point out that I watch a lot of fucking movies. Louis Malle's body of work is loads more interesting than anything Godard could muster, and Malle's films have more depth and meaning without resorting to mind-fuckery to express it. There's a world of difference betwen the two, and I prefer an intelligent, well thought out script over a director playing peek-a-boo with whoever's unlucky enough to get stuck in a theater showing his blight on society.


And you should know that I didn't write this review. I only played the part of the reviewer who had to waste a whole night throwing up in his mouth while watching Godard take a shit on his fans. Skip this movie unless you just want to see Brigitte Bardot's naked ass a lot. That might sound tempting, but trust me, it's not worth the effort. Here, I just saved you two hours.

Movie Review - My Bodyguard (1980)

Call it a right of passage...at some point in a kid's life..they will inevitably deal with the school yard bully. It can be one of the most terrible times during youthful years...if you tell a teacher...you get beat worse...if you tell your parents...they tell the teacher...you get beat worse...! Thou shalt not tell on thy fellow peer is the LAW of the playground and cannot be broken lest ye be labled with the dreaded monicker of tatty-tale! More often than not...a kid has to deal with sleepless nights and that ever looming Monday morning smackdown that is just the beginning of another long week in the trenches. But, there will come a time when a kid has to make a choice.....they can sit there and take it...or do something about it...one of those decisions will shape their personalities forever and echo into adulthood. I made that choice once years ago..I'm sure my kids will too one day. This is a film about the choice made by Clifford Peache.

Clifford is the new kid in town and comes from a privileged background. His father is the manager of a posh Hotel in downtown Chicago and they live a good life. Cliffy has a great relationship with his family..especially his eccentric grandmother played by the late great Ruth Gordon. He's not an asshole rich kid, but rather just a nice guy trying to fit in and make friends at his new high school.

All goes well on his first day until he crosses paths with Melvin Moody (a young Matt Dillon) and his gang of loyal cronies. Moody is king shit of the school and everyone knows that to walk the halls unscathed...you pay him protection money. Protection from what exactly? From Moody of course, but he tells everyone that he is protecting their asses from Ricky Linderman (Firefly's Adam Baldwin) an oversized teen who roams the school alone and possibly carries a murderous chip on his shoulder. What is poor Cliffy to do...? Pay Moody extortion...or risk meeting Linderman in a dark alley somewhere? The choice is brilliant.

Cliffy knows that the whole school..including Moody...is mortified of Linderman. Instead of paying moody...he decides to befriend Linderman and offer to pay him to be his bodyguard. The only problem with this plan is that Ricky doesn't want any friends..nor does he want to be someone's bodyguard. Cliffy warms him over though his sheer will and perserverance...and they strike up a great friendship as well as striking back at Moody's gang. The twist comes when Moody decides to retaliate and get his own bodyguard to go after Linderman!! Now what?!!!

This sets up an epic showdown of Rocky-esque proportions that will have you cheering in the end.

All in all this is a great family film from the 80's. It's an underdog's tale...and it's hard to not root for Cliffy and Ricky as they team up and triumph over adversity. It's a film about family...friends...and that time in a person's life when it's OK to choose to fight. Oh yeah..what choice did I make?.....I beat the shit out of my school yard bully with a wooden stick..and do I feel bad about it..?...Not a damn bit!