The best of 80's fantasy part 2 - The Beastmaster (1982)

Yet another classic from my youthful days...whenever this film came on cable...it was like the call of the mythological sirens luring me to my brainless doom. This film flopped at the box office, but had a huge impact on television. TBS aired the film so often that it was dubbed "The Beastmaster channel." Never again in the future of fantasy films will a guy with a sword and a bag of ferrets be so friggin cool!

Directed by Don Coscarelli... (horror buffs know him as the man responsible for the "Phantasm" film series)....it's the tale of Dar (Marc Singer from V the classic alien invasion series) who as an unborn infant...was magically teleported into a cow's uterus by a witch. The plan was to sacrifice Dar so that his father King Zed would have no heir...and the evil priest Maax (pronounced may-axe..and played by Rip Torn) could take power with his ultimate cult of evil. (I guess kings never had secret service protection back in the day) Dar is saved however....and taken in by a bunch of kind villagers. Sounds like the typical fantasy crap right?....Ah....but the plot thickens.

You see...because he was born from a cow's womb...Dar grows up and finds out that he can communicate with all creatures in the animal kingdom telepathically....it doesn't make any sense...but come on...it's fantasy! After years of living peacefully, Dar's village is attacked and destroyed by a race of barbarians known as the Jun-Horde...that wouldn't you know...is controlled by Maax. Dar survives the massacre because the movie would just end if he didn't...and sets out on a quest for revenge and possibly a reclamation of his birth right.

Along the way he befriends a hawk, a couple of ferrets, and a black dyed tiger. Each of them contribute to the smiting of evil. The hawk can scout out miles ahead....and he can link up and see through its eyes. The ferrets can sneak around and steal keys from clueless guards...and the tiger can kill, eat, and shit out on a log anybody dumb enough to fuck with a tiger.

He meets some human allies as well.....the warrior Seth (John Amos from Good Times) and his young friend Tal (nobody special)...who happens to have some family ties with Dar. Throw in sexy red headed Kiri (Tanya Roberts..from that 70's show) who knows how to break into Maax's castle....and you have a youself a nice little fantasy fondue.

This movie had this kind of dark cool vibe to it. Rip Torn was a menacing villain.....there were witches that could walk up walls and turn dudes into evil leather clad S&M zombies by shoving glow worms in their ears. Our heroes also had to deal with the barbarian Jun army and these strange winged monsters who could snare a person...eat them...and crap them out into green foam. All worthy adversaries for Dar to go up against.

Marc Singer does the job well as Dar. He buffed up for the part and has cool 80's feathered hair. Along with his trusty sword and animal companions...he also has this razor boomerang thingy that he tosses around and causes mayhem with....I always wanted one...but they never had them at K-mart.

"The Beastmaster" rises to the cream of the fantasy crop. Easily one of my favorites that I enjoy even as an adult. Don't stick this one in a cow's womb and sacrafice it to your evil diety of choice...it's surprisingly good fantasy fluff!

Understanding the Icons: Contemporary American Film

I've spent a lot of time on this site talking about foreign films. I've waxed poetic on German, Japanese, Korean, Chinese and Spanish films, with, if memory serves, only two American offerings. However, if you read my Gran Torino review, I think you could see my deep appreciation for the American Icon. And by writing this, I want to expand on the idea that American film has carved itself a huge piece of cinema history.


Let me start by describing one of the reasons our films have hit such a nerve with people all over the world. If you ever travel abroad, there might be a situation where you're talking shop with a film lover of another country. You might start by mentioning local directors, or what's hot at the moment. But as the conversation progresses, you find yourself digging into movies where you don't even have to mention their names to get a tremendous response from them. You might say something like, "Have you ever seen any of the Rambo..." "Ah, Rambo!" would be the response from the man of foreign persuasion, before you were even allowed to finish your sentence. He would then make a knife-jabbing motion with his hands, smile with that shit-eating grin that only someone who's seen something way too many times could make, and then give you the thumbs up. Good times.


That's what I mean when I say the American Icon. The actors or characters that don't need an introduction, no matter where you happen to be. The movies that, after you finished watching them as a kid, you would immediately head to the back yard to re-enact your favorite scenes, yelling and screaming while running back and forth with a stick or a piece of plastic as a substitute for whatever the famous weapon of choice might have been. This is what I point to when film snobs tell me American movies suck, and I'm not cultured enough to appreciate the finer things in life. Fuck you, my friend, where have you been for the last 30 years?


And with that sentiment laid out on the table, I'd like to present my case for understanding the great American Icons of the last few decades, and why they're still relevant today. I'll start moving forward chronologically, so as not to disturb the memories any of these characters or movies might hold for whoever decides to read this. I'd also like you to make note that you've probably already seen all of the movies I'm going to bring up. Otherwise, there's no point in writing this, and I can go back to watching my Ingmar Bergman box set, thank you very much. And if I miss something, it's not a slight, unless you bring up a movie so obscure or out-dated that Clint would happily tell you to get off his lawn.

Dirty Harry

Harry Callahan made being a loose cannon of a cop cool. The way he walked around with his shades on, telling people to make his day before blowing a hole in their chest will always hold a place in the hall of greatness. Say what you will about the sequels, but as a persona, Dirty Harry embodied the American bad-ass for over a decade. Personally, I hold the Dollars trilogy in the same high regard, but as a whole I'm guessing Harry Callahan holds a bigger place in peoples' hearts. Regardless, the films are classics, and nobody will tell you any different.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones was my hero for a long time, and he still is. Harrison Ford oozed charisma every time he moved or spoke, and he almost made me take up archaeology. If, in reality, that profession was the same as an Indiana Jones movie, there would be a lot more archaeologists, and the world would be a lot more awesome. By day he would fight the Nazis and take all their shit, and at night he would bed the women I lusted after. Yes, I wished I was Indy, but who wouldn't? They jumped the shark with the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but I blame that on the good ol' Lucas Curse, and not the character becoming stale. Seriously, fuck George Lucas. But that's a tale for another day. Right now, I simply can't tell you how much of an influence Harrison Ford had on every other high adventure film to be made after 1981.

First Blood

John Rambo was a loner, a survivor, and a distraught human being. I greatly sympathized with him as the po-dunk police parade tried to shit on his homecoming party. However, that was alleviated when he drove spikes through the knees of one of those assholes. He had it coming. Of the movies I've mentioned so far, this is by far the most serious. But it handles itself with class, and still holds up as one of the greatest action movies ever made. I really wish Stallone would have made more out of his career with more than just Rambo and Rocky, but as of late he's redeeming himself with damn fine resurgences of both franchises. Not much else to say about Rambo, except that I wear a bandana to sleep every night.

The Terminator

Much more could be said of Arnold Schwarzenegger's career, but to me, his defining moments are still encapsulated in the T-800 model terminator. In the original movie, he was the stuff of nightmares. His glowing red eyes would haunt my dreams for years, and I thanked God I was not the mother of the leader of the resistance meant to combat a robot apocalypse. In the sequel, he was the greatest ally you will ever know, as long as you gave him your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle. His strength and loyalty would never be broken, and the human race always stood a chance as long as he was around. Many would try to duplicate his on-screen badassery, including the third Terminator movie, but they all ultimately fail, and bow down to the greatness that is James Cameron's vision of our possible future.



There are more to speak of, for sure, but I think I've made my case for the American Icon thus far. People will be quoting lines from these movies until the end of time, and I'll take this opportunity to pride myself in being born in the country where these epic tales originated. That's all I have, and I can think of nothing more apropos than to end with the truth: I'll be back.

Anime Afterthoughts - Satoshi Kon, Round 1

If you've never watched any anime before, it's hard to say where you should start. A huge majority of them fall under one category, and if all you've been exposed to is the usual shonen fare, I could forgive you if you tipped your hat and said "Good day, sir." There's a place for everything, and I happen to enjoy the occasional fluff, but that's not why I'm here with you now.


Satoshi Kon's body of work is so far removed from the adolescent male oriented, action heavy serials that it's almost a genre of its own. His movies have depth and meaning that rival anything Hollywood has to offer, and in a lot of cases, surpasses them. In this first round of conversation, I'll talk about two of his films: Perfect Blue and Paprika. While they're both wildly different in plot, their executions do bare a similarity, which I'll touch on in a moment. So without further adieu, I give you two examples of Satoshi Kon's excellence in anime:

Perfect Blue

Mima is part of a J-pop girl trio, who sing about the usual J-pop girl trio stuff, such as love, finding happiness, believing in yourself, yadda-yadda. But early on in the film, she decides she's had enough of repeating silly choruses and making cute faces, and decides to give acting a shot. She wants to be considered a serious actress, so she sets out to land a role on a murder mystery tv show. She gets the part, but one of the requirements is the inclusion of a rape scene, and her publicist/agent is none to happy about it. She agrees to do it anyways, but the ramifications are abrupt and unsettling. The ghost of her old self starts appearing to her, and she begins drifting in and out of a dream-like state, unsure of who she really is.


Throw into the mix a psychotic stalker who seems to be hanging around just about everywhere Mima goes, and you've got yourself a damn fine drama. I've seen comparisons made of this film to David Lynch, but honestly, Perfect Blue is much easier to digest than the "what the fuck is going on?" style Lynch is so fond of. However, there will be times you're not sure exactly what's really happening and what's in Mima's own mind. It's just not so damned out in space about it. Perfect Blue is really worth checking out, and I recommend viewing it at least twice before coming to any solid conclusions about the film's turn of events.

Paprika

Paprika starts off inside the mind of a man. In his dream, he shifts between a circus, a scene out of From Russia With Love, a Tarzan movie, and finally something from his own past. When he wakes up, we find out that his dreams are being monitored and recorded by a device called the DC Mini. The purpose of this device is to help therapists and psychologists better understand the minds of their patients. A noble effort, indeed, but soon after the therapy session, a DC Mini is stolen and all hell breaks loose. You see, the device that was stolen had no security protection installed, and whoever operates it can go in and out of the dreams of whoever is using a DC Mini. As more and more people start going insane, it's up to the creators of the DC Mini to find the thief and undo whatever damage they did.


Apart from the great story, the visuals become more and more stunning as the dreams of many people begin to mix and grow. There's a character in the film who, if they were ever to do a live-action adaptation(I hope they don't), should be played by Max Von Sydow. The resemblance is uncanny, and you could compare the character to Von Sydow's Burgess in Minority Report. It's a fun ride, and has the added bonus of making you think about the ramifications of technology on society.

As I said before, these films share a common trait: the blending of reality and dreams. They handle it in vastly different ways, and it's a testament to the brilliance of Satoshi Kon that he's able to make two films about the same subject, yet come away with pieces that stand on their own two feet.


In the next installment, we'll have a look at Satoshi's Millenium Actress and Tokyo Godfathers. So let me know what you think of Perfect Blue and Paprika, and hopefully you'll stick around for round 2 of Anime Afterthoughts, unless you've gone on a Miyazaki binge or something. Which again, I could forgive you for.

Some people don't like reading subtitles. I'd like to help.

I can understand why subtitles can be a barrier for entry some people just can't get over. You don't read them fast enough, and by the time you figure out what the hell's going on, you've missed the next three scenes of the movie. I feel your pain, and I'd like to make a few recommendations that might accustom you to the multi-tasked requirement of watching foreign films. These few selections are either light on story and someone will get punched in a few seconds anyways, or the pacing is such that you won't be hitting rewind after every scene.

Anything by Jackie Chan

All of his movies pretty much rely on his stunt work and acrobatics, and the plots are usually throwaways. Not every time, but you can usually count on him to slide down the side of a building, through a ring of fire down onto a bed of coals, then proceed to drop-kick someone through a pane of glass into a display made entirely of Legos. And 90 percent of the time his character's name is Jackie. Go figure.


PTU: Police Tactical Unit

A Chinese film by director Johnnie To, it's about a dipshit detective who loses his gun one night while he's out being a dipshit. His Police Tactical Unit friends decide to help him save face, so they go on the hunt for the missing firearm. Things happen at a slow enough pace to where you should be able to keep up, but it doesn't drag or make you spill your beer in your lap from falling asleep.


Ichi the Killer

Welcome to the batshit-insane world of Takashi Miike. Ichi the Killer is a Japanese yakuza film, and in it you'll find tongue removing, hot oil(or something) being poured on someone's back, limbs being heinously sliced, and so much more over-the-top craziness I can't list it all off the top of my head.


Pan's Labyrinth

From the director of Hellboy, this Spanish drama centers around a young girl trying to cope with family situations while in the midst of an on-going war. It has the same visual flair of Hellboy, but it's a lot richer in content. If you like anything by Guillermo Del Toro, I guarantee you'll enjoy this.


Nosferatu

The remake by Warner Herzog of the black and white classic. If you find black and white silent films are just not your bag, then definitely give this a try. It stays within the general story arch of the original, while adding a little more character depth. And if you haven't seen anything by Warner Herzog, this is as good a place to start as any. He's done so much shit, it's almost unbelievable.

And so ends my recommendations for the subtitle-handicapped among you. I hope you give these a try, and who knows, you might start to find some really good films as a result. Happy hunting!

Movie Review - Downfall (2004)

It's easy for us now to look back at the Second World War and point out how much of an evil, despicable person Adolf Hitler was. So obvious, in fact, that you might find yourself wondering how a man like that could even come into power. If you haven't read a lot of WWII history, it's a hard thing to understand. You look at the state of the world now, with its Kim Jong-Ills and Osama Bin-Ladens, and it seems, for the most part, that there are clearly defined "bad guys." But you should realize that back when Hitler forced his way into power, Germany was in a state of shock. No one knew what the future held, and fear of a continued landslide after WWI was foremost on the minds of its citizens. That's how Hitler was able to get his foot in the door -- by promising to rebuild Germany to its former glory. He was a powerful orator, and his speeches resonated with many, many people who just wanted something to believe in. A lot of these people weren't evil; they were simply mislead by a figure who took his opportunity to mold a frightened country into what he saw fit.


Traudl Junge(Alexandra Maria Lara) was one of those people. She was a secretary of Hitler's, and she accompanied him in the bunker that served as the last holdout of the Nazi party. The film opens with an interview with the real-life Traudl, and in it she expresses her regret for not figuring out Hitler's true motivations and plans. She applied for her secretarial job along with a bunch of other girls who all acted like they were auditioning for a movie role. Their excitement was genuine, but I really don't think these girls knew what the hell was going on. It illustrates the power someone could hold over impressionable youths, cause be damned. All they knew was that Adolf Hitler was an important man -- a man who was going to change the face of Germany forever.


The beginning of the actual film sees Russian troops rapidly closing in on a war-torn Berlin. The Nazis are scrambling, desperately trying to find something they can salvage from their failed attempt at world domination. Some want to negotiate a treaty with the Allied Forces, while others view that as defeat -- something their proud egos would not allow. Hitler was one of those men. While he demanded his armies continue fighting, he nevertheless ordered the evacuation and transfer of their headquarters into his bunker, where he would hold out as long as long as he could. This is where most of the movie takes place; as the war rages outside its walls, Hitler commands what little he has left at his disposal, seemingly unable to see the obvious defeat looming at his doorstep. He barks orders, rages at the incompetence of his commanding officers, and even has a party -- if more than a little subdued -- for his 56th birthday.


And it's in this context you see his madness consuming him. His anger and frustration boil over into uncontrollable rage at times, but he won't allow for any sort of compromise. He bases his command decisions on non-existent troops, and generally acts like the war is still theirs to lose. These are all examples of how this film shows Hitler to be a human being, not the larger than life monster he will forever be known as. He also shows warmth and affection towards others, and you get just a glimpse of why those surrounding him would choose to follow him so blindly.


Among those people was Magda Goebbels, wife to Joseph Goebbels, one of Hitlers closest friends and Reich Minister. After ( spoiler!! ) Hitler's suicide, there's an extremely powerful scene in which she decides the fate of her six children, and the depth of her convictions are made despairingly apparent. Downfall is full of like moments, and I can't help but feel what it was like to be part of their hopelessly lost cause. It's a strange thing to relate to people who committed blatent attrocities, but such is the power of film. I would obviously not consider myself an admirer, but thanks to Oliver Hirschbiegel, I at least have another perspective as to how Hitler wrestled his way into the hearts and minds of so many.


What's that, you ask? Yes, Hirschbiegel did direct the god-awful The Invasion, the latest reincarnation of the classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I think it's safe to say most foreign directors make the most out of their talents when making movies in their native countries. Because, wow, The Invasion was a filmic abortion if I ever saw one. Downfall, on the other hand, is worthwhile for anyone who has a remote interest in WWII history, Hitler, or great dramas in general.

The best of 80's fantasy part 1 - The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

In the 80's fantasy movies about barbarians wielding huge swords and rescuing scantily clad maidens were all the rage. If I couldn't see them at the theater...then you can be sure that I was staying up late and trying to get a peak at all of them on cable. Some of these movies were actually pretty good...while others were complete crap. I'll try and focus on some of the ones that I remember fondly from the good ole days.....like 1982's "The Sword and the Sorcerer."

While definitely not an amazing film by any stretch....it's still a very entertaining guilty pleasure of the genre. Played mostly for laughs....the plot is about a young Prince named Talon as he quests for vengeance against the evil King Cromwell (Richard Lynch...who has never played a nice guy) the man responsible for the murder of his parents. Cromwell took the throne away from Talon's father by force and has ruled the kingdom with an iron fist ever since. He had a little help from a sorcerer named Xusia (Richard Moll...who played Bull in the sitcom Night Court) who he then double crosses and leaves for dead.

I don't really need to say anything else about plot...because really...who cares. All you need to know is that there are many nude women....and battles galore as the older Talon (Lee Horsely...who the hell knows who he is....I think he had a tv show once) goes after Cromwell with his mighty three bladed sword of doom that shoots its blades at people. In the end...blood is spilled...kingdoms are won....and wenches are pleasured. Unfortunately the DVD is out of print...but hopefully with the recent news that a sequel is being filmed ( Tales of an Ancient Empire...it was promised at the end of the movie) will spark enough interest for a re release.
Check it out and have a glass of fine wine with this cheddar.

Movie Review - Heavenly Creatures (1994)

"I worship the power of these lovely two
With that adoring love known to so few
'Tis indeed a miracle, one must feel,
That two such heavenly creatures are real"

Before I write a review, I always remind myself of my own little cardinal rule: no spoilers. As with anything in life, there are always exceptions to every rule. Heavenly Creatures is one such exception. Knowing the history of events this film is based on won't necessarily grant you any special insights into its subject matter. What I find most intriguing is the fact that everything really happened. These people are real, and the unspeakable act they committed was real.


On June 22nd, 1954, Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme murdered Pauline's mother, Honora by bludgeoning her to death with a brick stuffed in a stocking. During their murder trial, Pauline's diary was used as evidence against them, and direct quotes were used from the diary in this film(and in the excerpt above).


Heavenly Creatures sticks closely to the facts about the girls' lives leading up to the murder, but Peter Jackson still found a way to keep his unique visual flair intact. And leave it to him to make me laugh by having a man made of clay stab Pauline's therapist through the stomach with a giant sword. By the virtue of the girls' shared fantasies, the film has a dream-like quality at times, and it clashes directly with reality when Pauline(Melanie Lynskey) and Juliet(Kate Winslet) are forced to leave their fantasy worlds. Both girls were sick a lot growing up, and their sicknesses were what initially bonded them together when they met after Juliet transferred into Pauline's school. Their friendship started normally enough, with them playing in the woods and listening to records together. Then they began writing stories -- originally under the guise of a class assignment -- but those fictionalized places and people gradually intertwined with, and eventually consumed, their own lives. Noticing their odd behavior, the girls' parents thought it wise to seperate them, which only served as fuel to their increasingly heated fire. Not able to stand being forced apart, Pauline wrote in her diary a plan to kill her mother and escape with Juliet to America, where they would publish their stories and become famous actresses.

"Both sets of eyes, though different far, hold many mysteries strange
Impassively they watch the race of man decay and change
Hatred burning bright in the brown eyes with enemies for fuel
icy scorn glitters in the gray eyes, contemptuous and cruel
Why are men such fools they will not realize
the wisdom that is hidden behind those strange eyes.

And these wonderful people are you and I."

That's the story in a nutshell, but what I really liked about the film was the way Peter Jackson blended reality with the girls' fantasies. They both liked to make clay sculptures of their imaginary people, and there are several scenes of the girls interacting with the sculptures come to life. I don't know what they used for makeup, but they looked just like life-sized clay people, and it was pretty damn creepy yet cool to see. But then I remember these fantasies were how they coped with their dissatisfaction with life, and eventually led them to plotting and committing murder. I can't say I sympathized with them -- Pauline especially, because at least in the film, her parents seemed like nice, normal people. But the film shows how they perceived things in such a way that I can almost understand why they did what they did. Their grasp of reality deteriorated to the point where their own happiness meant everything, and they saw other people as nothing more than obstacles in their way of attaining it.


While a film could easily be made about the murder and its after-effects, that's not what Peter Jackson was really interested in with this film. I viewed it as a descent into madness, where irrational thought is made rational by a shared delusion of sick minds. While researching the actual events, I learned that Pauline and Juliet only served five years in prison, and Juliet actually went on to become a best-selling author of murder mysteries(under a new name, of course). Like I said, knowing any of these facts isn't required before watching this film. But for film buffs like myself, it makes it that much more interesting.

Movie Review - Near Dark (1987)

Ladies always seem to love the bad boy in town....you know...the one in the rock band...or the guy who has been to jail a couple of times for pedaling dope. It seems that nice guys...do in fact finish last. Caleb is one of those nice guys. He spends his days working on his father's farm and the nights cruising for girls in the streets of the podunk Oklahoma town where his family lives. He's probably one of those guys that would eventually marry the first gal who gives him a friendly glance...have a bunch of kids...and spend the rest of his days on the farm...never to venture too far outside the county lines. But a strange thing happens to Caleb on his way to obscurity.....a beautiful stranger named Mae visits the local DQ on a lonely summer night and turns his world upside down.

In an unusual reversal of roles...Mae is the bad girl....and she just happens to be looking for a strapping nice young man like Caleb. She's not really bad by choice...more by circumstance. The two hook up and all seems to be going well for Caleb. They spend the pre-dawn hours hanging out and flirting nicely, but then Mae gives him a bloody peck on the neck and runs off into the dark. Now things really heat up.....literally! You see...Mae has a supernatural curse that causes her to have an unhealthy appetite for human blood (I guess there's not really a healthy one) and when the sun is out...she'll also catch on fire and explode. By biting Caleb...Mae has bequethed to him this wonderful gift. Now with the morning sun blazing overhead...Caleb suddenly has a burning sensensation worse than any case of clap in recorded history. He stumbles out of his pick up on the way home...body smoldering...his father and sister see him and notice something is not right...but before they can help...he is whisked away from behind in a speeding winnebago. Welcome to your new family Caleb!

Caleb suddenly finds himself in the company of other cursed individuals. There's the leader Jesse (Lance Henrickson)... the leather clad biker type from hell Severen (the great Bill Paxton) and also a mothering figure named Diamondback (Jenette Goldstein...all you need to know is that she was Vasquez in James Cameron's Aliens). Normally they would just kill and eat a guy like Caleb...but they see that the curse is making its way into his body....and for some reason...they don't kill their own.....they just indocrinate them into their motley crew. The curse also keeps a person from aging which is why the little brother of the group Homer (Joshua Miller...he was in River's Edge) never appears to get any older even though he is well into his golden years by human standards. From here on...Caleb needs to learn to live constantly on the run as they do....they are the last of their kind...they are constantly hunted....and their only requirement for nourishment is human flesh and blood. Will Caleb's attraction to Mae motivate him to get up and go along....or will he seek an opportunity to leave the bloodthirsty outlaws and reunite with his father and sister who are in hot pursuit? It's one hell of a ride finding out!

One of the greatest overlooked horror films of the 80's now seems to be finding its stride a couple of decades later. Many viewings on VHS, cable, and now DVD have put "Near Dark" into cult status. It's a horror movie....road movie...western...love story...what more could you ask for in your entertainment? Take notice of the best set piece in the movie that has the gang slaughtering a bunch of rednecks in a dive bar...Bill Paxton chews the scenery and the customers here! There's also a shootout with the cops and an attempt to cure the curse with blood letting...pure genre bliss! Director Kathryn Bigelow never soared higher than with "Near Dark" although I do take guilty pleasure in her greatest movie about bank robbing surfers ever "Point Break."

One of the best things about this film......is that never once do they use the word "vampire" to explain their condition. That's why I never used it in this review.....oh shit...I just did.

Movie Review - Gran Torino (2008)

Gran Torino marks the return of Clint Eastwood. Not that he'd gone anywhere in the last couple of decades, but there's a whole generation of people who don't know Clint like I do. Of all the things one might think of when his name is mentioned, my mind always returns to the same image -- that of a music box. And inside my head, time slows to a crawl. I can hear the softly-sweet melody echoing through its mechanisms, and suddenly I know of nothing else. The rest of the world seems to melt away, and as its cadence begins to slow, I can feel my heart thumping in my chest and my palms beginning to sweat. Because once that music box ceases to lull me into a waking sleep, I know I'm a dead man.


Moments like that, and many others like it, are the reason I've missed Clint Eastwood. Don't get me wrong; he's a very good director, and I enjoy the films he's helmed quite a bit. But ever since Unforgiven, his Western magnum opus, I've been yearning for one last, great Clint movie. That's why I went into Gran Torino with such high hopes. So high, in fact, that it was almost certain I would be disappointed on some level. Yet somehow, Clint knew what I was thinking. He knew what I wanted so badly to see. Even if his exaggerated character has been toned down and, thankfully, made more realistic, you still know the man starring in Gran Torino is not one with whom you want to fuck. That's all I asked of him, and his answer was nothing short of amazing.


From the first shots of Clint sitting around his house, drinking a cold Pabst, you instantly understand his character. Retired and grieving over the recent loss of his wife, Clint's Walt Kowalski just wants to be left alone. Being a Korean war vet, he still harbors demons from his past and resents the gradual influx of Asian communities making a home in what used to be a predominantely white neighborhood. I'll get this out of the way now: this movie contains, bar none, the highest rate of per-sentence racial slurs I've ever heard. And I'll admit it -- I haven't laughed so hard with a drama in quite some time. The distinction here is laughing with, not at it. It's genuinely hilarious to hear him spout every name you could think of for an Asian person, to their face, like it was their first name. But you soon realize he's not a stone-cold racist, and he doesn't hate all Asian people with any imaginable passion. Once he gets to know the people surrounding him, he befriends them, and it's obvious he cares very much for their well-being.



The plot centers around Walt's neighbors and a kid named Thao who's being pressured to join a local gang. Their initiation requires him to steal Walt's prized Gran Torino, and needless to say, Walt isn't having any of that. Subsequently, the kid's family makes him apologize to Walt, and offers him as a worker to do whatever Walt needs done around the house. It's through this arrangement that the two become friends, and Walt decides to stop the gang from ever bothering Thao again. Walt's gradual change in attitude toward Thao and his family is a thing of beauty. No revelation is forced upon him that instantly makes him see anyone in a different light. You simply watch the more human, caring side of him emerge as he becomes closer with the people he spends his days with. But it's in trying to help Thao escape his possible gang involvement that he escalates the situation far beyond what anyone expected. The events that take place from this point on are where you get to see those glimpses of the old Clint. Without spoiling anything, someone's face definately gets beaten to a pulp.


But the most rewarding parts of this film aren't about violence. Instead, they're about the consequences of it. How far would you go to excercise your demons and protect someone you care about? This is a question asked with a deft hand, but the answer shouldn't be pondered until you've experienced everything the film has to offer. Another striking thing I should remark on is the supporting cast. I don't know the details, but it seems that the filmmakers decided to go with non-professional actors to fill out the roles surrounding Clint's. I think it created a sense of gravitas to their performances, and they felt like real people instead of actors playing a part. And there's something to be said for choosing authenticity over polished line readings when the occasion calls for it.


If Clint were to ever win a Best Actor Oscar, it should be for this film. He grunts and growls in typical Clint fashion, but underneath he displays the subtle emotions necessary to give a firmly believable and heart-felt performance. And with the film opening wide at the top of the box office, it's clear I'm not the only Clint Eastwood fan left in the world. Does he, at 78, still have room for one more great, shining moment? Clint knows your question.


And you shouldn't have to ask.

Movie Review - The Wrestler (2008)

I have a confession to make...I used to be a huge fan of professional wrestling. Growing up as a child in the 80's my heroes were all speedo clad gladiators with names like Hercules or Macho Man, and every week in front of nationally televised audiences....they would enter the squared circle and battle their most despised foes. Some were good guys...some were villains...all were "characters" with larger than life personalities and bodies to match (I'm sure the steroids helped). They played out the most manly of soap operas for the screaming fans who cheered them to legendary heights. Darren Aronofsky's "The Wrestler" is the tale of a warrior whose greatest match will not be with some guy in silly tights...but with the very legend that he created.

Mickey Rourke is Randy "The Ram" Robinson...and during his career as a professional wrestler....he has been to the top of the mountain. His physical exploits would sell out arenas all over America and his mug adorned action figures, t-shirts, and video games. He had it all...fame...fortune...and groupies to boot. But nothing lasts forever...and over the years Randy's stock has fallen to the bottom of the wrestling barrel.

Fighting for chump change at local gymnasiums and VFW halls, he barely makes enough to rent a shit hole trailer where he lives in Jersey. Randy works out every day...keeps his hair bleached blonde...and has his fake tan applied all in the name of keeping the legend of "The Ram" alive for the few fans that still care. We never really find out what happened to his fortune, but an addiction to pain killers and other illegal substances required to sustain the body of a man who still wrestles in his fifties probably had something to do with it. Ram doesn't have many friends other than a few local kids and an aging stripper named Cassidy (Marisa Tomei) that he visits regularly as a paying customer. He also has a daughter that he abandoned years ago who wants nothing to do with him. Randy basically carves out a lonely brutal existence from day to day...and I do mean brutal!

You can say wrestling is fake...and if by fake you mean that the choreography and outcome of the matches are all pre-determined....then you are correct. But realize that from the most elite pro-wrestling organizations on down to the lesser known ones...these guys beat the hell out one another for the sport they love. Randy participates in an extreme match that involves bitch slapping, barbed wire, ladders, and staple guns...yes you heard that last one correctly! It's bloody as hell and will have you squirming in your chair. After this match....he suffers a massive heart attack that nearly kills him. The aftermath of his bout with death suddenly takes the center stage.

The legend is over...but the man remains standing. The doctors tell him his wrestling days are done and continuing would be suicide. Can Randy live out his days as a normal person? You wonder if he has a chance at a real intimate relationship. Cassidy typically views him only as a customer, but she knows they also have a lot in common. As a stripper...she is getting too old to play her "character" of seductress to younger men. What does a man whose only skill is pounding other men senselessly do to earn a living? Cassidy suggests a reconciliation with his daughter might help ease the burden, but will she welcome him back into her life? From this point, Randy needs to make a choice....be the man....or be "The Ram." The choice isn't easy. A reunion match with an old nemesis presents an opportunity to regain lost glory and a hefty payday. The legend is over.....but not dead.

This is now my favorite Mickey Rourke role. He kind of has a strange real life parallel with "The Ram." Once considered one of the most attractive talents in Hollywood....his career took a downturn after a flirtation with professional boxing and a bad facelift. It's great to see him give a heartfelt performance that will be sure to send him back to A-list status. If you are a fan of Aronofsky's "Requiem for a Dream" but disappointed by "The Fountain".....fear not....because "The Wrestler" will give you plenty of reasons to....BE EXCITED.....BE....BE....EXCITED!