Movie Review - Near Dark (1987)

Ladies always seem to love the bad boy in town....you know...the one in the rock band...or the guy who has been to jail a couple of times for pedaling dope. It seems that nice guys...do in fact finish last. Caleb is one of those nice guys. He spends his days working on his father's farm and the nights cruising for girls in the streets of the podunk Oklahoma town where his family lives. He's probably one of those guys that would eventually marry the first gal who gives him a friendly glance...have a bunch of kids...and spend the rest of his days on the farm...never to venture too far outside the county lines. But a strange thing happens to Caleb on his way to obscurity.....a beautiful stranger named Mae visits the local DQ on a lonely summer night and turns his world upside down.

In an unusual reversal of roles...Mae is the bad girl....and she just happens to be looking for a strapping nice young man like Caleb. She's not really bad by choice...more by circumstance. The two hook up and all seems to be going well for Caleb. They spend the pre-dawn hours hanging out and flirting nicely, but then Mae gives him a bloody peck on the neck and runs off into the dark. Now things really heat up.....literally! You see...Mae has a supernatural curse that causes her to have an unhealthy appetite for human blood (I guess there's not really a healthy one) and when the sun is out...she'll also catch on fire and explode. By biting Caleb...Mae has bequethed to him this wonderful gift. Now with the morning sun blazing overhead...Caleb suddenly has a burning sensensation worse than any case of clap in recorded history. He stumbles out of his pick up on the way home...body smoldering...his father and sister see him and notice something is not right...but before they can help...he is whisked away from behind in a speeding winnebago. Welcome to your new family Caleb!

Caleb suddenly finds himself in the company of other cursed individuals. There's the leader Jesse (Lance Henrickson)... the leather clad biker type from hell Severen (the great Bill Paxton) and also a mothering figure named Diamondback (Jenette Goldstein...all you need to know is that she was Vasquez in James Cameron's Aliens). Normally they would just kill and eat a guy like Caleb...but they see that the curse is making its way into his body....and for some reason...they don't kill their own.....they just indocrinate them into their motley crew. The curse also keeps a person from aging which is why the little brother of the group Homer (Joshua Miller...he was in River's Edge) never appears to get any older even though he is well into his golden years by human standards. From here on...Caleb needs to learn to live constantly on the run as they do....they are the last of their kind...they are constantly hunted....and their only requirement for nourishment is human flesh and blood. Will Caleb's attraction to Mae motivate him to get up and go along....or will he seek an opportunity to leave the bloodthirsty outlaws and reunite with his father and sister who are in hot pursuit? It's one hell of a ride finding out!

One of the greatest overlooked horror films of the 80's now seems to be finding its stride a couple of decades later. Many viewings on VHS, cable, and now DVD have put "Near Dark" into cult status. It's a horror movie....road movie...western...love story...what more could you ask for in your entertainment? Take notice of the best set piece in the movie that has the gang slaughtering a bunch of rednecks in a dive bar...Bill Paxton chews the scenery and the customers here! There's also a shootout with the cops and an attempt to cure the curse with blood letting...pure genre bliss! Director Kathryn Bigelow never soared higher than with "Near Dark" although I do take guilty pleasure in her greatest movie about bank robbing surfers ever "Point Break."

One of the best things about this film......is that never once do they use the word "vampire" to explain their condition. That's why I never used it in this review.....oh shit...I just did.

Movie Review - Gran Torino (2008)

Gran Torino marks the return of Clint Eastwood. Not that he'd gone anywhere in the last couple of decades, but there's a whole generation of people who don't know Clint like I do. Of all the things one might think of when his name is mentioned, my mind always returns to the same image -- that of a music box. And inside my head, time slows to a crawl. I can hear the softly-sweet melody echoing through its mechanisms, and suddenly I know of nothing else. The rest of the world seems to melt away, and as its cadence begins to slow, I can feel my heart thumping in my chest and my palms beginning to sweat. Because once that music box ceases to lull me into a waking sleep, I know I'm a dead man.


Moments like that, and many others like it, are the reason I've missed Clint Eastwood. Don't get me wrong; he's a very good director, and I enjoy the films he's helmed quite a bit. But ever since Unforgiven, his Western magnum opus, I've been yearning for one last, great Clint movie. That's why I went into Gran Torino with such high hopes. So high, in fact, that it was almost certain I would be disappointed on some level. Yet somehow, Clint knew what I was thinking. He knew what I wanted so badly to see. Even if his exaggerated character has been toned down and, thankfully, made more realistic, you still know the man starring in Gran Torino is not one with whom you want to fuck. That's all I asked of him, and his answer was nothing short of amazing.


From the first shots of Clint sitting around his house, drinking a cold Pabst, you instantly understand his character. Retired and grieving over the recent loss of his wife, Clint's Walt Kowalski just wants to be left alone. Being a Korean war vet, he still harbors demons from his past and resents the gradual influx of Asian communities making a home in what used to be a predominantely white neighborhood. I'll get this out of the way now: this movie contains, bar none, the highest rate of per-sentence racial slurs I've ever heard. And I'll admit it -- I haven't laughed so hard with a drama in quite some time. The distinction here is laughing with, not at it. It's genuinely hilarious to hear him spout every name you could think of for an Asian person, to their face, like it was their first name. But you soon realize he's not a stone-cold racist, and he doesn't hate all Asian people with any imaginable passion. Once he gets to know the people surrounding him, he befriends them, and it's obvious he cares very much for their well-being.



The plot centers around Walt's neighbors and a kid named Thao who's being pressured to join a local gang. Their initiation requires him to steal Walt's prized Gran Torino, and needless to say, Walt isn't having any of that. Subsequently, the kid's family makes him apologize to Walt, and offers him as a worker to do whatever Walt needs done around the house. It's through this arrangement that the two become friends, and Walt decides to stop the gang from ever bothering Thao again. Walt's gradual change in attitude toward Thao and his family is a thing of beauty. No revelation is forced upon him that instantly makes him see anyone in a different light. You simply watch the more human, caring side of him emerge as he becomes closer with the people he spends his days with. But it's in trying to help Thao escape his possible gang involvement that he escalates the situation far beyond what anyone expected. The events that take place from this point on are where you get to see those glimpses of the old Clint. Without spoiling anything, someone's face definately gets beaten to a pulp.


But the most rewarding parts of this film aren't about violence. Instead, they're about the consequences of it. How far would you go to excercise your demons and protect someone you care about? This is a question asked with a deft hand, but the answer shouldn't be pondered until you've experienced everything the film has to offer. Another striking thing I should remark on is the supporting cast. I don't know the details, but it seems that the filmmakers decided to go with non-professional actors to fill out the roles surrounding Clint's. I think it created a sense of gravitas to their performances, and they felt like real people instead of actors playing a part. And there's something to be said for choosing authenticity over polished line readings when the occasion calls for it.


If Clint were to ever win a Best Actor Oscar, it should be for this film. He grunts and growls in typical Clint fashion, but underneath he displays the subtle emotions necessary to give a firmly believable and heart-felt performance. And with the film opening wide at the top of the box office, it's clear I'm not the only Clint Eastwood fan left in the world. Does he, at 78, still have room for one more great, shining moment? Clint knows your question.


And you shouldn't have to ask.

Movie Review - The Wrestler (2008)

I have a confession to make...I used to be a huge fan of professional wrestling. Growing up as a child in the 80's my heroes were all speedo clad gladiators with names like Hercules or Macho Man, and every week in front of nationally televised audiences....they would enter the squared circle and battle their most despised foes. Some were good guys...some were villains...all were "characters" with larger than life personalities and bodies to match (I'm sure the steroids helped). They played out the most manly of soap operas for the screaming fans who cheered them to legendary heights. Darren Aronofsky's "The Wrestler" is the tale of a warrior whose greatest match will not be with some guy in silly tights...but with the very legend that he created.

Mickey Rourke is Randy "The Ram" Robinson...and during his career as a professional wrestler....he has been to the top of the mountain. His physical exploits would sell out arenas all over America and his mug adorned action figures, t-shirts, and video games. He had it all...fame...fortune...and groupies to boot. But nothing lasts forever...and over the years Randy's stock has fallen to the bottom of the wrestling barrel.

Fighting for chump change at local gymnasiums and VFW halls, he barely makes enough to rent a shit hole trailer where he lives in Jersey. Randy works out every day...keeps his hair bleached blonde...and has his fake tan applied all in the name of keeping the legend of "The Ram" alive for the few fans that still care. We never really find out what happened to his fortune, but an addiction to pain killers and other illegal substances required to sustain the body of a man who still wrestles in his fifties probably had something to do with it. Ram doesn't have many friends other than a few local kids and an aging stripper named Cassidy (Marisa Tomei) that he visits regularly as a paying customer. He also has a daughter that he abandoned years ago who wants nothing to do with him. Randy basically carves out a lonely brutal existence from day to day...and I do mean brutal!

You can say wrestling is fake...and if by fake you mean that the choreography and outcome of the matches are all pre-determined....then you are correct. But realize that from the most elite pro-wrestling organizations on down to the lesser known ones...these guys beat the hell out one another for the sport they love. Randy participates in an extreme match that involves bitch slapping, barbed wire, ladders, and staple guns...yes you heard that last one correctly! It's bloody as hell and will have you squirming in your chair. After this match....he suffers a massive heart attack that nearly kills him. The aftermath of his bout with death suddenly takes the center stage.

The legend is over...but the man remains standing. The doctors tell him his wrestling days are done and continuing would be suicide. Can Randy live out his days as a normal person? You wonder if he has a chance at a real intimate relationship. Cassidy typically views him only as a customer, but she knows they also have a lot in common. As a stripper...she is getting too old to play her "character" of seductress to younger men. What does a man whose only skill is pounding other men senselessly do to earn a living? Cassidy suggests a reconciliation with his daughter might help ease the burden, but will she welcome him back into her life? From this point, Randy needs to make a choice....be the man....or be "The Ram." The choice isn't easy. A reunion match with an old nemesis presents an opportunity to regain lost glory and a hefty payday. The legend is over.....but not dead.

This is now my favorite Mickey Rourke role. He kind of has a strange real life parallel with "The Ram." Once considered one of the most attractive talents in Hollywood....his career took a downturn after a flirtation with professional boxing and a bad facelift. It's great to see him give a heartfelt performance that will be sure to send him back to A-list status. If you are a fan of Aronofsky's "Requiem for a Dream" but disappointed by "The Fountain".....fear not....because "The Wrestler" will give you plenty of reasons to....BE EXCITED.....BE....BE....EXCITED!

Paul Newman : A Life Worth Remembering.

Once in a great while, an actor comes along whose talent not only makes them famous, but when it's all said and done, defines an era. With a career that spanned fifty( ! ) years, Paul Newman has taken his much deserved place among the list of movie giants. The first film I ever saw of his was The Color of Money. I thought Tom Cruise was great, but "Fast" Eddie Felson was the real anchor of the film. It lived and breathed with him. I hadn't seen The Hustler at the time, so I didn't have the same appreciation for the character I have now, but I knew I was watching a legend at work. Over the years, I've seen him inhabit the roles destined for greatness; the ones that another fifty years from now will still be watched and studied in film classes all over the world. He's worked with the likes of Alfred Hitchcock, George Roy Hill, Sidney Lumet, Martin Scorsese, the Coen brothers -- the list goes on and on. His filmography reads like a greatest hits of the last half-century, and I feel priveliged to be able to say I was alive when one of history's greatest talents was still working. And while his passing was sad, indeed, it affords me the honor of going back through the years and showcasing those films that left such an indelible impression on me. And with that said, I present just a handful of his greatest moments in the hope that someone new to his body of work can find and appreciate it.

Somebody Up There Likes Me (1956)

In his first real breakout role, Paul Newman plays Rocky Graziano, a street punk turned professional boxer. James Dean originally had the role, but his death opened the door for Newman to take it and make it his own. And he did just that, playing Graziano as a right bastard of a kid who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He gets into fights, runs from the cops, and basically tries really hard to piss off anyone within earshot. Eventually, through all his antics and jail stints, he winds up enlisted in the military. Not being one to handle authority very well, he goes A.W.O.L., and after picking up a few low-paying boxing fights for a time, gets thrown back in jail for desertion. It's from that point on Graziano matures a bit and tries to make a name for himself with his fists. The acting of the supporting cast isn't universally great, but the story and the fact that it's based on a real person more than hold it above water. Newman does some great character work in this film, and it paved the way for this next selection, made three years later.

The Young Philadelphians (1959)

Much is made about Capra films and how they teach moral lessons everyone can learn from. But while Capra prefers to use a sledgehammer, this film employs the strokes of a paintbrush. Newman's Anthony Lawrence is a law student from a good family, whose working his way through college and, eventually, up to practicing with a law firm. He's a genuinely good person, and all throughout his college and early career, we see him try to help his friends with whatever they need while not resorting to dirty chess, as they say. But everything he's worked so hard for is challenged when someone he cares about gets into serious trouble. Suffice it to say he's thrust into a make-or-break case, and his career -- his life -- are at risk. This is one of my favorite early Paul Newman films, for several reasons. His subtlety is on full display, if that makes any sense, and the story is gripping and heartfelt the entire way. There's not one big, moral decision to ponder; his everyday life is filled with small choices that, as he continues making them, flesh out his character and add genuine heft to the dark road he has to travel across. Highly recommended.

Pocket Money (1972)

Pocket Money is the story of Jim(Newman), a broke but honest cowboy, and Leonard(Lee Marvin), his hustler friend. Needing money, they make a deal with a shady character to heard some cattle across the country. They find out just how shady their new business partner is when they start bringing the cattle, but promises made to them aren't exactly honored. The film mostly concerns itself with watching Jim and Leonard try to buy the cattle, find places to keep and transport them, and get back to collect their hard-earned checks. Newman and Marvin make a fantastic duo, and Marvin gets most of the film's funniest bits. The way he talks to and about other people is hilarious a lot of the time, while Newman plays it more straight. It's definitely not a heavy piece, but it's fun and you're always waiting for the next thing to go wrong for these guys.

Slap Shot (1977)

Where to start with Slap Shot? The Hansons!!! Newman is Reggie Dunlop, an aging player-coach for a hockey team facing dismantlement. As they travel to and from games, he tells the players that the team is close to being bought out so as to keep their spirits high and their game sharp. It's a comedy, and most of it comes in the form of the Hanson brothers, a trio of hockey thugs brought in to crush some skulls. I won't ruin any of their moments, but every time they're on screen, it's classic. Newman is fantastic as well, playing a man whose only way of existing is about to collapse from under him. He hides the truth from his players and from himself as well, because he knows what it would mean for their lives and for the town that supports them. This is one of the all-time great sports movies, and regardless if you're a fan of hockey or not, I guarantee you'll like this film.

Road to Perdition (2002)

In his last great role, Newman plays John Rooney, the patriarch of a 1940's-era Irish mob family. The story centers around Tom Hanks' character and his son as they try to find a solution to a fatal problem. Hanks is part of the mob, and when his son accidentally sees something he shouldn't have, he takes him on the road as a way of buying some time for them to figure out what their options are. While Newman isn't in the movie a whole lot, the scenes he's in are the most moving and brutally honest in the whole film. When he and Hanks sit down to play the piano together, it's like time stops and allows the moment to linger, knowing the possibility of what is to come. It's amazing to see him, after all these years, still able to command attention whenever he's on screen. It's a fantastic send-off to a brilliant career.


Before I'm done, I want to briefly mention the kind of person Paul Newman was. It's obvious with all the work he's done and money he's raised for charity that his intentions were never for himself. His generosity has helped a lot of people, and his legacy will live on. It's sad to lose someone who had so much to give to the world, but it's a blessing that we can remember who he was and what he accomplished with his life.


There are so many important films I didn't cover in the preceeding paragraphs, but my goal wasn't to write a laundry list of his films. Instead, I wanted to show a glimpse of what his diversity and range truly entailed. I'm sure you've never seen at least one of these films, and if reading this inspires you to seek it out, then I've accomplished what I set out to do. It's almost hard to believe it, but there are people who have never even heard of Paul Newman. He ranks among the upper echaelon of legendary artists, yet to some, his name doesn't ring a bell. So yes, almost selfishly, I want you to watch at least one Paul Newman film. Or maybe take a film class at a college somewhere -- I'm sure they could point him out to you.

An old Denver tradition...

I always hear about how "The Alamo Drafthouse" in Austin Texas is the greatest place to see a movie in the world. It has a rabid fanbase that caters to almost everything a film-geek could ever want. Admittedly I'm a little jealous, but we've got something pretty awesome here in the rockies for the celluloid faithful. "The Mayan"!

Located in central Denver, "The Mayan" boasts the finest offerings in independent film. It's not the most comfortable way to see a movie. The local mega-plex offers ample parking and those big comfy stadium chairs, but there is a certain magic that happens once you fight the traffic and make the effort a trip to "The Mayan" requires. The lights go dark and you realize you are about to watch an unusual film in a theater full of like minded film buffs. Bliss!

Originally built in the 1930's, it has one main auditorium sporting the Art Deco Mayan Revival art style it was named after and two smaller theaters on the second floor. You can enjoy an adult beverage in the cafe, or go visit one of the many neighboring bars and restaurants afterwards. The entire street it's located on is chock full of interesting vintage clothing stores and art galleries to get your culture on. "The Mayan" also has something "The Drafthouse" does not....it has remained in the original building since opening decades ago which only adds to the cool factor. Suddenly I realize...I'm not so jealous anymore!

Movie Review - Contempt (1963)

"'The cinema,' said André Bazin, 'substitutes for our gaze a world more in harmony with our desires.' Contempt is a story of that world."

This quote is recited to us during the opening of Contempt, a film by the oft-heralded Jean-luc Godard. We are meant to be shown an intertwining of reality and what we wish was real. If wishes were in the business of coming to life, this would be a great work of biting criticism of writers, film itself, and the way we interact with each other. In reality, I don't know what the fuck I just watched.


I'll be up front with the fact I didn't make it to the end of this film. The events that transpire in the last 20 minutes will never be known to me, unless I decide to masochistically view it for the sake of my readership. What I can comment on, however, is the hour and twenty minutes I had the privilege of yawning through watching. I understand the concept of blending fact and fiction. I get that sometimes the best way to illustrate a point is to use a film as a giant metaphor. Other movies have done this much better. But the characters in this film are bi-polar. I could never tell what parts of their dialogue were fact and what was meant to make a larger point.


During one scene that starts off normal enough, the couple who Godard tries to pass off as the main characters in the film are talking on a boat. A few seconds go by, and then we see the camera filming them. We see the set, complete with a director, assistants and film equipment. It's all well and good if I understand what Godard's going for, but I don't know if I'm watching the actors in the film play themselves acting in this movie, or I'm supposed to think their life is the movie. Or something. At this point, the film makes no fucking sense and I just don't give a shit anymore. If Godard really wanted to condemn the film industry for not having the creative balls to make high art, then way to go, jackass. You made a shitty high art film that makes me want to watch The Mummy Returns instead.

This is the scene where Brigitte Bardot wonders where the fuck her movie went.

Requiring the audience to work to understand the full meaning of your film is a noble cause. Making fun of them for doing so isn't. It's Godard's version of pretentiousness that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and if I didn't know better, a distorted view of French New Wave. But before you lambaste me for not understanding French cinema, I should point out that I watch a lot of fucking movies. Louis Malle's body of work is loads more interesting than anything Godard could muster, and Malle's films have more depth and meaning without resorting to mind-fuckery to express it. There's a world of difference betwen the two, and I prefer an intelligent, well thought out script over a director playing peek-a-boo with whoever's unlucky enough to get stuck in a theater showing his blight on society.


And you should know that I didn't write this review. I only played the part of the reviewer who had to waste a whole night throwing up in his mouth while watching Godard take a shit on his fans. Skip this movie unless you just want to see Brigitte Bardot's naked ass a lot. That might sound tempting, but trust me, it's not worth the effort. Here, I just saved you two hours.

Movie Review - My Bodyguard (1980)

Call it a right of passage...at some point in a kid's life..they will inevitably deal with the school yard bully. It can be one of the most terrible times during youthful years...if you tell a teacher...you get beat worse...if you tell your parents...they tell the teacher...you get beat worse...! Thou shalt not tell on thy fellow peer is the LAW of the playground and cannot be broken lest ye be labled with the dreaded monicker of tatty-tale! More often than not...a kid has to deal with sleepless nights and that ever looming Monday morning smackdown that is just the beginning of another long week in the trenches. But, there will come a time when a kid has to make a choice.....they can sit there and take it...or do something about it...one of those decisions will shape their personalities forever and echo into adulthood. I made that choice once years ago..I'm sure my kids will too one day. This is a film about the choice made by Clifford Peache.

Clifford is the new kid in town and comes from a privileged background. His father is the manager of a posh Hotel in downtown Chicago and they live a good life. Cliffy has a great relationship with his family..especially his eccentric grandmother played by the late great Ruth Gordon. He's not an asshole rich kid, but rather just a nice guy trying to fit in and make friends at his new high school.

All goes well on his first day until he crosses paths with Melvin Moody (a young Matt Dillon) and his gang of loyal cronies. Moody is king shit of the school and everyone knows that to walk the halls unscathed...you pay him protection money. Protection from what exactly? From Moody of course, but he tells everyone that he is protecting their asses from Ricky Linderman (Firefly's Adam Baldwin) an oversized teen who roams the school alone and possibly carries a murderous chip on his shoulder. What is poor Cliffy to do...? Pay Moody extortion...or risk meeting Linderman in a dark alley somewhere? The choice is brilliant.

Cliffy knows that the whole school..including Moody...is mortified of Linderman. Instead of paying moody...he decides to befriend Linderman and offer to pay him to be his bodyguard. The only problem with this plan is that Ricky doesn't want any friends..nor does he want to be someone's bodyguard. Cliffy warms him over though his sheer will and perserverance...and they strike up a great friendship as well as striking back at Moody's gang. The twist comes when Moody decides to retaliate and get his own bodyguard to go after Linderman!! Now what?!!!

This sets up an epic showdown of Rocky-esque proportions that will have you cheering in the end.

All in all this is a great family film from the 80's. It's an underdog's tale...and it's hard to not root for Cliffy and Ricky as they team up and triumph over adversity. It's a film about family...friends...and that time in a person's life when it's OK to choose to fight. Oh yeah..what choice did I make?.....I beat the shit out of my school yard bully with a wooden stick..and do I feel bad about it..?...Not a damn bit!

Movie Review - The Foul King (2000)

Wrestling. It's not high-minded, folks. Kim Ji-woon, the director of practically everything awesome to come out of South Korea in the last ten years, knows this. He didn't set out to create a genre masterpiece showcasing the incredible athleticism of professional wrestlers. Instead, he wanted to show how one man, through sheer determination and will, could wear tights in a public place and grope grown men in intimate embraces for the love of the sport.


Dae-Ho(Song Kang-ho) is pretty much a big fucking loser. He works some shitty office job that he's always late for, he lives with his dad, and he's generally just not a good people person. After we watch him get kicked around by everyone for a while, he stumbles across a crap hole of a wrestling gym. Inside the gym looks to be a crap hole of a wrestling coach, who promptly boots him out. The coach doesn't like him, but afterward he's told by some shady characters that they need a wrestler, and all of a sudden Dae-Ho becomes part of their wrestling team or whatever.

They all suck at wrestling if you ask me, but I guess there aren't too many people in Korea willing to drive around the country getting the shit kicked out of them. It's minor league, so I'll give them a break. Dae-Ho travels around with them doing show after show, and he thinks everything is great. He wrestles at night, and in the morning continues to suck ass at his job. But he's so focused on wrestling he doesn't seem to care anymore. So everything is great, I guess, except that all the shows are leading up to one super giant fuck awesome show where Dae-Ho is supposed to lose. I understand wrestling is fake, and the outcomes are all staged, thank you. But the way his character was pitched to him, Dae-Ho should win by cheating. I don't care how big a name the dude he's supposed to eventually fight is -- if you cheat in wrestling, you win. I mean just look at the refs, they're usually too busy humping the floor to notice whole teams of wrestlers entering the ring to pound each other in the balls.


Anyways, we're treated to a lot of Dae-Ho and his comrades in non-buff arms practicing and rehearsing their moves. His progression as a wrestler is quite evident, even though I think he was better than the rest of the group to begin with. Except for when he almost murdered a man with a fork. That could have been handled better. Besides that, though, you almost think he could win. You get the feeling it's not supposed to happen, but hey, you're watching a Korean wrestling movie so what the fuck do you know?


I can tell you that Song Kang-ho knows more than you, for one. In fact, he does all his own stunts. Every single one, and they're all awesome. For example, there's a great scene where he's impersonating Elvis and he does a back flip off the top buckle then kicks a guy in the chest.

That's probably the best bit of stunt work he does until the end, but I still think it's cool that he does it all himself.

Early on in the film, Dae-Ho gets chased down and beat to hell by some local pussy gang. You know they're a pussy gang because once Dae-Ho learns a few wrestling moves, he swiftly puts them all in an arm lock and makes them eat shit. Not literally, unfortunately, but still a lot of the movie is about Dae-Ho improving his life, and repaying those fuckers that broke his cell phone is one way he goes about it. As he gets into better and better shape, he's able to confront some other demons that haunt him on a regular basis, but I'll save those for when you watch the film. It's great, trust me.


As far as his opposition goes, you never even catch a glimpse of him until the end, and he's only casually mentioned throughout the entire film. You know his name is Yu Bee-ho, but that's about it. It's not like Rocky, where there is a clear antagonist to hate. In The Foul King, Dae-Ho's greatest enemy is himself. Maybe that's to fool you into thinking that Yu Bee-ho is just some pansy that Dae-Ho could wipe the floor with. Maybe not. Maybe Dae-Ho becomes the greatest Korean wrestler in the history of Korean wrestling. Maybe not. The end of the movie is quite lengthy(in a good way) but I won't say one word about it.

He does get pissed at this point.

The greatest thing about this film is not the wrestling. It's a film about slightly dysfunctional people that happens to have some bad ass wrestling thrown in for good measure. Every time something genuinely cool happens, it takes you by suprise because most of the time the people on display here are quite inept. And I mean inept in the Homer Simpson way, so it's endearing. Once you've spent any amount of time with these characters, you want to see them succeed. Or, if nothing else, you just want to see what the fuck Yu Bee-ho looks like. Either way, the point is for you to watch this film, so if you watch only one South Korean wrestling movie this whole year, make sure it's this one.

Movie Review - The Legend of Hell House (1973)

I have always loved a good haunted house movie. Ever since "Poltergeist" made me squirt in my fruit of the looms at the local twin cinema...I was hooked. These days I can't think of a recent ghost film that requires me to launder my shorts afterwards...with extra bleach. In a day and age when terrible CG seems to dominate over story or character..(did you see Jan De Bont's gaaawwd awwful Haunting re-make?...ugh) it's nice to know that we can still make the hairs tingle on the backs of our necks with a spookfest like 1973's "The Legend of Hell House" starring Roddy McDowall.

British director John Hough had to have been one of the most versatile directors working in the 70's and 80's. He worked with Disney making such child friendly fare as "Escape to Witch Mountain"...and "Watcher in the Woods", but he could also rev up a high octane car chase movie like 1974's "Dirty Mary and Crazy Larry" arguably the best in the car chase genre. Sadly his career hasn't really panned out over the years...he ventured into sci-fi with the 1986 "Biggles: Adventures in Time" and direct to video crap like 1988's "Howling IV." Then he fell completely off the map. Maybe he's retired and living a happy life somewhere..and that's fine because I'll always know he was the man responsible for films that I hold near and dear to my heart and "The Legend of Hell House" is certainly one of those films.

Roddy McDowall plays a psychic sent with a team of paranormal investigators to the Belasco Mansion which as they say in the film is "the Mount Everest of Haunted Houses." Roddy's character was the sole survivor of the last team sent to investigate the ghostly shenanigans of former owner Emeric Belasco whose evil spirit wreaks havoc upon all who dare cross the threshold of his estate. I guess the opportunity for a huge payday is too tempting..and Roddy is back at the house for his second round with the sinister spectre.

Character wise you have the scientist who thinks that there simply must be a logical explanation for the unusual happenings at the mansion. There's a spiritualist who thinks she can help restless ghosts finally cross over into eternal slumber. Finally, the scientist's wife is tagging along just for shits and giggles...and you know nothing good will happen to her! Roddy is THE star of the show. He's the one who knows that the bodies AND souls of his teamates are in serious peril unless he can unlock the mysteries of Hell House and vanquish Belasco.

Earlier I spoke of fancy special effects. Here you will find that the filmakers have a few tricks up their sleeves (like a dinner scene rudely interrupted by an unwelcome spirit), but for the most part...it's a pretty conservative effort. They wisely chose to let the actors carry the story and the viewer's imagination can fill in the blanks. I always found that not knowing exactly what was under my bed at night as a child...was scarier than actually taking a look!

In the end, "Hell House" is a great little flick that is deserving of your time on a dark and stormy night. They don't make em like this anymore...2002's "Darkness" comes close....but that's a tale of fright for another day....enjoy!

Movie Review - Dirty Pretty Things (2002)

I'm not an immigrant. I was born in America, and I've only been out of the country twice. My view of the world has always been in the context that I'm a citizen of the United States of America. I have a home that I have the legal right to own. I have a job that the government takes money out of my paycheck every week to pay my taxes with. This is important, because whatever your situation is, I urge you to go into this movie in with a frame of mind that allows you to realize your place in the world. What if you had none? How would you like to work in a sweatshop? Would you still consider yourself a moral person and act accordingly?

I imagine it's like this in every major metropolitan city, but according to this film, being an immigrant in London- legal or illegal - is a hard way of life. Without becoming a proper citizen, the best you could hope for is a steady menial job that pays cash. There are all kinds of people that populate this world -- some have principles, some don't. Okwe (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and Senay (Audrey Tautou) do. Sure, they clean up your shit(or internal organs) and fold your towels, but they don't seem to have any contempt for anyone or loathe the world they live in. it's obvious Okwe gets frustrated at times, but who wouldn't? He works -- if I'm remembering all of them -- two jobs. During the day he drives a taxi under a fake name, and at night he works the front desk for a ritzy hotel's midnight shift -- the same hotel where Senay labors as a maid.


It's not detailed in the film, but one would assume they met each other while on duty, and at some point decided to live together. Now, I don't know how immigration laws function in England, but for whatever reason, Senay is able to live there but not work. Okwe, on the other hand, isn't even supposed to be there. He's like a ghost, without an identity or any sense of belonging. His presence leads immigration to frequent Senay's apartment on reports that someone else is living with her, which understandably puts a strain on both of them.


Things start turning from bad to shit-end of the turd stick when Okwe has to clean a hotel suite one night, and in doing so, finds a human heart plugged up in the toilet. Why the fuck would there be a human heart in the toilet? That's a good question, but no one has the answer. Until he does a little digging, that is. What he finds will significantly change the way both he and Senay are able to live their lives. Suffice it to say that it includes sleeping in a morgue, organ "donating," and dick biting.


What makes the film so moving is that despite everything happening to them, Okwe and Senay still find enough compassion to see each other through the shitstorm that is their lives. If it were me, I probably would have said fuck it and dissapeared at the first sign of danger. Not that I'm a selfish prick or anything, but I just think it takes a certain kind of person to face adversity head on and try to kick its ass. Those are the kind of people you root for in this film, and they are its defining quality.


I'll never look at a cab driver the same way again.







And for my next review, I'll remove my serious face and tackle The Foul King. It's the greatest thing you've never seen.