Sequel to The Long Good Friday to be Released, Entitled The Short Bad Saturday.

 Well, thirty-one years later, The Long Good Friday is finally getting the sequel everyone demanded. GPS has obtained a pre-release screening copy of the film, which will be called The Short Bad Saturday when it releases in theaters next month.

Sequel to The Shining in the Works; Movie Adaptation to Shit All Over It.

Stephen King was recently seen onstage at George Mason University, where he read aloud an excerpt from his soon-to-be sequel to The Shining, entitled Doctor Sleep. Many horror buffs re...buffed the notion, citing the awesomeness of the original and the number of years that have passed since its release. Those points may be valid, but tough shit. Doctor Sleep is happening, and Danny Torrance is the main character.

Anne Hathaway's Catwoman Costume Made of Actual Clothing; Fans Pissed.

Over the weekend, professional super-hero costume appraisers lost their collective shit when it was found out that Catwoman's attire did, in fact, include actual, flesh-covering fibers. This news was hard to take for some, such as poster yubnubrocks, who frequents a local film site. "Did someone from the Art Institute photoshop this? Holy fuck that is fake as hell," he opined from behind his mother's Dell keyboard. Another commenter, the_credible_hulk, thinks Nolan should "Recast Hathaway with Emily Blunt and re-film all of the catwoman scenes. Maybe, just maybe, you can save your picture."

Clubber Lang to Face Involuntary Manslaughter Charges for Death of Mickey Goldmill

Rocky Balboa may yet see Micky "Mick" Goldmill's killer brought to justice. In 1982, Clubber Lang threw Goldmill into a metal railing in a fit of (possible) roid rage. Goldmill subsequently died of heart failure, but no one was ever questioned as to the nature of his death. 29 years later, the case has been re-opened by top law officials who are looking to right a "terrible, terrible injustice."

New Avatar Theme Park to Turn Humans into Actual Na'vi.

James Cameron is on top of the world. Not only does he have the two highest-grossing films in cinema history, but he also has plans to transform our species into something more. Something better. Taller, even. And blue. That's right; Disney has secured the rights to begin building an Avatar theme park. That might sound normal enough, but I bet you didn't count on them recreating the virtual reality stations used in the movie to vicariously live as Na'vi. Have you ever wanted to run at a (probable) top speed of 50 MPH while kicking flying beasts in the face? How about jumping on top of a mech and stabbing it to death with a Bowie knife? Well, now's your chance.

Visit From 3 Spirits Prompts Lucas To Release Star Wars Theatrical Cuts On Blu-Ray

It will be a very Merry Christmas indeed for Star Wars geeks this holiday season. A recent press release from Skywalker Ranch has confirmed that George Lucas has finally decided to release the beloved theatrical cuts of the original trilogy on Blu-Ray. The sudden change of heart was certainly unexpected after the totally altered and unpopular versions just hit retailers everywhere. So what exactly changed the evil emperor's mind? There has been rumors about internal strife at Lucasfilm headquarters, but only GPS has been able to pull off the greatest Jedi-mind-trick yet by getting George to spill the beans on the matter! "The ghost of Sir Alec Guinness came to see me in my bedroom one night," a terrified Lucas stated. "He told me I was going to be visited by three spirits that would change my whole outlook on the shit-storm I've created..........man I tell ya......he seemed really fucking pissed off at me!" It sounded like Lucas had been putting a little too much vodka in his blue milk, but we let him tell us his story.

Magneto Killed By 16 Year Old Girl During Woodland Vacation

The mutant community has been rocked by news that its most powerful member was killed while on winter holiday. Erik Lensherr, AKA Magneto, was taking a sabbatical from his leadership duties in the Brotherhood of Mutants and sought solace from modern society at a cabin in an undisclosed woodland location. The master of magnetism was apparently prone to migraines, and he would often retreat to his favorite vacation spot to find peace from the metallic interference brought on by city life. When he didn't resume his world conquering duties after his expected return, the Brotherhood launched an investigation. The B.O.M. coordinated their search with the police as well as former friend and nemesis Charles Xavier. Magneto's body was quickly discovered through rigorous investigative tactics bolstered by Xavier's super computer Cerebro. Erik was pierced through the head by a wooden arrow with a polished bone tip and had no chance of using his powers to deflect it. The authorities have apprehended a sixteen year old blond female believed to be responsible for the crime after following her tracks through the snowy woods.

Sylvester Stallone To Direct Black Swan 2

In a day and age where it's almost impossible to keep details about a movie production from leaking out, GPS was surprised to hear the news that Fox Searchlight Pictures have secretly been working on a sequel to the smash hit "Black Swan." Made for a paltry thirteen million dollars and grossing much much more, the studio heads are eager to make sure their dancing swan keeps laying golden eggs for their bank accounts. Natalie Portman has agreed to reprise her Oscar winning role as the troubled ballet dancer Nina, and a back in shape John Travolta will co-star. Since Darren Aronofsky turned down the chance to helm the next chapter, the powers that be have hired Sylvester Stallone for the job. Sly is no stranger to sequels about dancers, and promises that the saga of the bad girl ballet will positively knock out any doubters. Once again, GPS was given unprecedented access to all the yummy details about the Italian Stallion's production.

Conan Treated By Wizard For Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction affects 18% of U.S. men on a yearly basis. Add one Cimmerian barbarian to the list now. Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a flaccid penis. In Conan's world of phallic imagery, bloody battles, and scantily clad ladies, a man truly lives and dies by his sword.......both of them. After one drunken evening found him desperately trying to hear the lamentations of the women without success, the savage warrior knew that it would only be a matter of time before word got out and Crom would cast him out of Valhalla for his sexual ineptitude. "How can I solve the riddle of steel when the riddle of wood is so terribly vexing?" the barbarian pondered.  Thus began an epic quest to seek out a wizard who could treat his emasculating condition.

Caesar And Billy Crystal To Host 84th Annual Academy Awards

84th Oscar Host Caesar

After the Eddie Murphy and Brett Ratner Oscar debacle, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has found its newest master of ceremonies for the 84th annual award show. A public relations rep for the academy made the announcement at a bustling press conference and GPS was there to get all the juicy details for next years big red carpet event. "The academy is proud to present Caesar as our host for the 2012 Oscars," the PR agent declared to a stunned audience. "We're also dusting the cobwebs off Billy Crystal to co-host and mentor Caesar for Hollywood's biggest night of the year!" The revelation of the latest host is fortuitous timing for Caesar as his first major motion picture "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" is currently hitting theaters nationwide.

Spielberg Reveals Cowboys & Aliens Sequels

Hot off his first ever appearance at San Diego Comic-Con, Steven Spielberg has been spilling the goods about his latest and greatest creations that will be gracing movie screens near you. GPS was granted an exclusive audience with the academy award winner and was simply stunned when he revealed not one.......not two.....but three sequels currently shooting simultaneously for the upcoming "Cowboys & Aliens" franchise. Jon Favreau is back on board directing the next exciting chapters in the sci-fi saga about other worldly invaders, and he happily joined his mentor during our presentation.

Warner Bros, New Line, Capital One Bank Seal Hobbit Marketing Deal.

Hot on the heels of the cast reveal and subsequent photo shoot in a giant gray room, Warner Bros. and New Line have excitedly announced a brand-new marketing campaign that will be launched alongside The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey when it releases next year. The cast and crew will partner with Capital One Bank to produce a series of television commercials within the next 6 months. 3-D was being discussed, but as of the time of this writing, nothing was decided for sure. I, for one, can't wait to hear Frodo ask, "What's in YOUR wallet?"

Captain America Punches Hitler In Epic Comic-Con Cosplay Throwdown!

It was pandemonium at the San diego Comic-Con as two cosplay titans duked it out for geek supremacy. Phil Cornbottom AKA Captain America took offense when a fellow cosplayer showed up at the popular convention dressed as Hitler. The security team at the convention center immediately stepped in to halt the melee and escort them off the grounds, but were so moved by Captain America's patriotic stand against the Third Reich, they decided to let the combatants settle it mano-a-mano.

@DRUNKHULK ENTER CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW

"Celebrity Rehab" begins for @DRUNKHULK

@DRUNKHULK knew it was only a matter of time before his drunken posting on Twitter would get old. The gamma powered giant has recently been renowned for his intoxicated tweets, but has been feeling of late that he's hit rock bottom and in desperate need of a change. @DRUNKHULK has reached out to addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky and will be attempting to SMASH alcoholism on the new season of "Celebrity Rehab."

HULK Declines To Answer Questions Under Oath About Steroid Use

HULK has day in court

Preliminary hearings have begun in the super hero steroid abuse scandal that has been rocking the nation as of late, and the Incredible Hulk has refused to answer questions under oath. He was dressed sharply for his day in court, but refused to say anything that would incriminate fellow Avenger Club member Captain America.

Banjo Prodigy Discovered on "Georgia's Got Talent" Youtube Clip Watched By Millions

For Simon Cowell's new show "Georgia's Got Talent," it was 2009 all over again. When a local Cahulawassee River contestant stepped on the stage and started strumming his banjo, the former "American Idol" judge and his panel were absolutely stunned by the musical genius on display. The video clip of the performance was subsequently posted on Youtube and has garnered almost four million hits as of this writing. The kid from Georgia known only as Banjo Boy has gone viral, and the entire globe is simply delighted as they anticipate what he'll do for an encore in the next round of the contest.

The Red Skull: "The Captain Is Clearly On Steroids"

When asked about the steroid scandal that's currently a been a thorn in Captain America's side, the Red Skull was not at a loss for words about the star spangled avenger. "Der Junge ist offensichtlich auf Steroiden. Ich sah Steve Rogers, bevor er in die Armee eintrat und er war ein winzig kleines person. Am 22. Juli werde ich Captain America mit meiner ganz natürlichen Körper zu vernichten." GPS originally broke the news about the scandal and tell all book right here http://bit.ly/n5EZza

Netflix User Resorts To Prostitution As Price Hike Outrage Continues

Outrage towards the online rental giant continues as a Denver area man recently took extreme measures to pay for the upcoming price hike. When Roger Bobblecock heard that his current plan of one DVD out and unlimited streaming was being split and charged separately, the middle manager and father of three knew the situation had become dire. Roger's wife joked that they were going to have to turn tricks downtown to pay the increase, but it was no laughing matter when she actually had to bail him out of jail after being arrested for soliciting himself.

Harrison Ford: Lucas Is A F***ing Idiot

Upon hearing the news that George Lucas was digitally recasting the role of Han Solo made famous by Harrison Ford for the upcoming "Extra Extra Special Editions" of the original "Star Wars" trilogy, the 69 year old actor was not pleased. "He's a fucking idiot," said the grumpy Ford.  Asking what he thought about his replacement drew even more vitriol from the veteran thespian. "Twilight sucks and Pattinson is a no talent ass clown!" It's clear the cast of the original trilogy is not happy with their life's work being tampered with by the bearded one. GPS had the exclusive first look at the "Extra Extra Special Editions" right here http://bit.ly/qxLwZ7

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Lucas Digitally Recasting The Original Star Wars Trilogy

They say artists are their own worst critics. Never satisfied to rest on his laurels, George Lucas is planning on re-releasing the original Star Wars trilogy with digitally recast younger hipper actors in an attempt to better connect with today's movie going audience. We at GPS are extremely excited to give fans an exclusive first look at what the Jedi Master has planned for our beloved sci-fi series.